Showing posts with label bless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bless. Show all posts

Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)


Today's post comes to you as a vlog (below) and blog (scroll on down)!

 Can't view video?  Click here to see "Your Feelings Can Help You Choose" on YouTube!




Readers have given a ton of great input regarding the issues we seem to struggle with most during the holidays. These two comments represent a whole host of responses I received on this particular theme:

“Encountering and spending time with relatives and other visitors who have conflicting lifestyles and values during the holidays.”

“Difficult relationships with people who know how to “push our buttons” during the holidays!”

Since today’s verse is


I tell you who hear me: 
Love your enemies, 
do good to those who hate you, 
bless those who curse you, 
pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)


I thought today would be a good day to talk about how we can plan to BLESS those who have very different values and those who tend to “push our buttons.”


Mistaken Purposes of Misbehavior

According to Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline, our children’s misbehavior stems from attempting to fulfill four mistaken purposes:


1)  attention:  “I belong only when I have your attention or special service.”

2)  power:  “I belong only when I am winning or at least when I don’t let you win.”

3)  revenge:  “It hurts that I can not belong, but at least I can hurt back.”

4)  assumed inadequacy:  “I give up. It’s impossible to belong.”


Using My Feelings to Identify Others' Mistaken Purposes

I can quickly identify someone’s mistaken purpose by my own feelings in reaction to the misbehavior.  

Then, using my knowledge of the PURSE-onalities, I can choose -- through the power of the Holy Spirit -- how to respond in blessing, rather than react out of instinct.


When I Feel Annoyed

When I feel annoyed, the mistaken purpose is probably attention. This person is either a Sanguine or acting out of Sanguine weaknesses. I can bless them by responding with fun, attention, and approval. 

Of course, this is very counter-intuitive, because when someone annoys me, my natural reaction is to ignore them and hope they’ll go away!


When I Feel Undermined or Threatened

When I feel undermined or threatened, the mistaken purpose is probably power. This person is either a Choleric or acting out of Choleric weaknesses. I can bless them by offering them greater control, achievement, and appreciation. 

Of course, this is also counter-intuitive; when someone threatens me, what I naturally want is to put them in their place!


When I Feel Hurt

When I feel hurt, the mistaken purpose is probably revenge. This person is either a Melancholy or acting out of Melancholy weaknesses. I can bless them by facilitating greater perfection, order, and sensitivity. 

Of course, yet again, this is counter-intuitive; when I feel hurt, my instinct is to hurt them back or run and hide!


When I Feel Helpless

When I feel helpless, the mistaken purpose is probably assumed inadequacy. This person is either a Phlegmatic or acting out of Phlegmatic weaknesses. I can bless them by providing peace, respect, and a sense of self-worth. 

Of course, this too is counter-intuitive; what I want to do is motivate them to take action and quit whining!

Choosing to Love

Blessing those who curse us is counter-intuitive. 

 It's also a choice. 

 One we can make now. 

 So that when the holidays come around, God's love flows to us and through us.
Your Turn:

  • Which relationship might improve if you used your feelings about their misbehavior to guide your choice of response?
  • Which feeling is the hardest for you to experience: feeling annoyed, threatened, hurt, or helpless?
  • Anything else on your heart!

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TPC "lite": Losing vs. Blessing

Would you be willing to give me your input on a new PURSE-onality project? 
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Replacing Baditude
"Blessing Bins" ready to go to church!
On Friday, I had an epiphany: I’ve been focusing on loss. 
I’m losing my beloved books.
Yes, I’ve tried to “gently” force...er...nudge myself through these necessary losses. 
But it’s still been all about loss.

  • De-cluttering.
  • Giving away. 
  • Getting rid of stuff.
All about what I will no longer have.
Loss.
But Friday, a new idea showed up via Luke 6:28: 
Bless.
And I started thinking entirely different thoughts:

  • Who can I bless with my books?
  • How can I be a blessing to others by sharing of my abundance?
  • How can my “too much” solve their “not enough”?
With God’s Word
On Day 20, I shared Florence Littauer’s “Silver Boxes” message about building others up with our words.
(Can't view image? Click here to read Ephesians 4:29!)
On Day 21, I wrote about learning to hold my tongue by holding God’s word in my heart and, ultimately, saying “yes” to His invitation to simply hold me.
(Can't view image? Click here to read Proverbs 10:19!)


I need to let go of my urge to build up a store of so-called “treasure” here on earth and devote my energy to building up the people in my life.
I need to Let God fill my life so much that I “consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Philippians 3:8)
I need to let go of the stuff I hold and practice, instead, holding God’s word until it’s the first thing to come to mind.
I need to Let God hold me when I feel like reaching for more stuff to comfort me.
And Gratitude

New bookshelves in women's class at church!
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…

  • … to quit building for myself; it never lasts.
  • … to quit holding onto things; they always disappoint.
Today I’m watching for…

  • … for more "stuff" that will bless those who need it and will use it!
  • … opportunities to build Jonathon and Daniel.
Today I’m appreciating…

  • … that holding my tongue is less difficult/painful than it was two months ago.
  • … do-overs for when I blow it like I did this morning!


Your Turn! 
  •  How might the difference between "loss" and "bless" applying to your de-cluttering of stuff and baditude?
  •  How might you change how you "build" and/or "hold"? 
  • Other thoughts / reflections / insights on today's topic?

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TPC "lite": Living Bye-Bye the Books


Replacing Baditude
A "bye-bye" box...books I'm going to miss (?!?)  vs. (see below)
I wasn’t going to blog today.
Everyone is sick and tired of hearing you go on and on and on about your books! 
Get over them already!
Just get the job done!
MOVE ON!
I almost cleared today’s schedule and forced myself to power through the books, regardless of damage to my body or my relationships, just to get them behind me.
But that’s not gentle.
And gentle is my goal for June.
If I weren’t deafening myself with baditude over my “stupid book issues,” what invitation might I hear from my gentle Father?
With God’s Word
On Day 19, I wrote about the "Ramon"s in my life: people with whom I have conflict. And how easily I transform such people from children of God into caricatures.
Only today, I’m doing it to myself. I’ve reduced myself to “the crazy book lady,” as if this label is somehow gentle or helpful. 

Making myself feel worse so I’ll act better is one of my most often tried life improvement strategies (...with a 99.9% failure rate!)
(Can't view image? Click here to read Luke 6:27-28)

I need to let go of my tendency to become my own worst enemy when I feel stuck, frustrated by my failure to progress according to plan.
I need to Let God’s ever-present blessings remind me that he loves me regardless of how I’m doing with “the books.” 
And Gratitude
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…
"Blessing Bins" for books to bless others!
  • …to fully receive Your love and mercy and grace. 
  • …for the strength to slowly fill these empty bins with books that will be a blessing to others.

Today I’m watching for…
  • …someone specific I can bless with one+ of my books.
  • …one way in which I can serve Daniel (I’ve gotten too wrapped up in my “stuff” and busyness this week!)


Today I’m appreciating…
  • …Your patience with me as I grow.
  • …Your invitation to be still and know that You are God.

Your Turn! 
  • In what area(s) do you struggle with being gentle toward yourself? 
  • If you’ve ever used the strategy of making yourself feel worse so you’ll act better, how did it work in the short-term? long-term? 
  • Other thoughts / reflections / insights on today's topic?
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Day 19: BLESS


Our Give-Away for Today!


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Cheri: (venting to my son) “I’ve had it up to hear with Ramon! He’s impossible! Disrespectful, antagonistic, hates my class, hates me, refuses to learn. I can’t do anything with him!”
Jonathon: (Contemplatively)  “I just wish I knew him better...”
Cheri: (Vengefully) “I know him as well as I need to know him.”
Jonathon: (Gently)  “Maybe you only know him as much as you want to know him.”
Ouch.
The truth hurts.
Especially when spoken in love by one I trust!
I Make You All About Me

On my own, I am hyper-sensitive to negativity. I filter your behavior through suspicion:

  • Are you my enemy?
  • Do you hate me?
  • Are you cursing me?
  • Do you mistreat me?
Strangers, it would make sense for me to screen this way. But no, I save my hyper-est vigilance for those closest to me: family, friends, students, colleagues, church members.
Ramon is a perfect example of how easily I vilify people God has called me to love: 

  • Yes, he was a very difficult student. 
  • Yes, he was blatant in telling me he couldn’t stand me or my class. 
  • Yes, he badmouthed me to my face, to students, to administration, to his parents. 
  • Yes, he disrupted class, especially with devastatingly subtle body language.
I was “right” about all of Ramon’s negativity. But I was wrong in my response. 
I focused on me and

  • how much I like my students to like me. 
  • how hard it is for me to face a student–day in and day out–when I know he actively dislikes me. 
  • how easily offended I am when a student “talks trash” about me. 
  • how quickly I melt down in the face of disrespect.
In my mind, I transformed Ramon from son of God into a caricature: an “impossible” student. 
End. of. story.
He Makes Me All About You
(Can't see image? Download Luke 6:27-28 here!)
In a comment on Day 3, Patti JC wrote: “My process for today is to try to put myself in another person’s shoes if they irritate me while driving….if someone pulls out and is oblivious to me behind them, I can think "maybe this person has just received bad news of some kind & isn't focused on what they're doing" or "maybe they're having a bad day and yelling at the kids; my attitude toward them could only compound their issues", etc.  :)”
Empathy is such a powerful choice! 
SO the opposite of accusation and contempt. 
"Maybe" allows for the reason to remain unknown, which is hard. 
We tend to do pretty well being empathetic when we know the reason and it makes sense to us. But when all we have to go on is our own imagination and "maybe," THAT is love in action.
I arrived at empathy for Ramon too late. Not until April did I take my eyes off myself long enough to glimpse the world through his eyes. 
He knew nobody liked him. But he didn’t understand why. He was a confused, hurting, mixed-up kid who needed someone to take the time to get to know him.
Jonathon’s comment, “I just wish I knew him better!” has stayed with me. I did not try hard enough to get to know Ramon, and my regret keeps me mindful that Christ calls me to 

  • love the Ramons in my life…no matter how “difficult” that may feel.
  • do good for the Ramons in my life...even if they actively dislike me.
  • bless the Ramons in my life...despite any face-to-face badmouthing and behind-the-back trash talking.
  • pray for the Ramons in my life...regardless of how they treat me.
Try this today:  Make a list of the “Ramons” in your life. (If any are family members, keep the list tucked away!)  Keep it with your journal and prayerfully seek one way to Love, Do good, Bless, and/or Pray for one “Ramon” today.




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Please leave a comment 
  • responding to today’s blog, and/or
  • sharing your Day #1-19 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
  • about anything else on your heart!
Winners for Days 17-21 will be drawn and notified mid-week!

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(Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)

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