Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!
Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Today's post comes to you as a vlog (below) and blog (scroll on down)!
Can't view video? Click here to see "Your Feelings Can Help You Choose" on YouTube!
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Today's post comes to you as a vlog (below) and blog (scroll on down)!
Can't view video? Click here to see "Your Feelings Can Help You Choose" on YouTube!
Readers have given a ton of great input regarding the issues we seem to struggle with most during the holidays. These two comments represent a whole host of responses I received on this particular theme:
“Encountering and spending time with relatives and other visitors who have conflicting lifestyles and values during the holidays.”
“Difficult relationships with people who know how to “push our buttons” during the holidays!”
Since today’s verse is
I tell you who hear me:
Love your enemies,
do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you,
pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)
I thought today would be a good day to talk about how we can plan to BLESS those who have very different values and those who tend to “push our buttons.”
Mistaken Purposes of Misbehavior
According to Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline, our children’s misbehavior stems from attempting to fulfill four mistaken purposes:
1) attention: “I belong only when I have your attention or special service.”
2) power: “I belong only when I am winning or at least when I don’t let you win.”
3) revenge: “It hurts that I can not belong, but at least I can hurt back.”
4) assumed inadequacy: “I give up. It’s impossible to belong.”
Using My Feelings to Identify Others' Mistaken Purposes
I can quickly identify someone’s mistaken purpose by my own feelings in reaction to the misbehavior.
Then, using my knowledge of the PURSE-onalities, I can choose -- through the power of the Holy Spirit -- how to respond in blessing, rather than react out of instinct.
When I Feel Annoyed
When I feel annoyed, the mistaken purpose is probably attention. This person is either a Sanguine or acting out of Sanguine weaknesses. I can bless them by responding with fun, attention, and approval.
Of course, this is very counter-intuitive, because when someone annoys me, my natural reaction is to ignore them and hope they’ll go away!
When I Feel Undermined or Threatened
When I feel undermined or threatened, the mistaken purpose is probably power. This person is either a Choleric or acting out of Choleric weaknesses. I can bless them by offering them greater control, achievement, and appreciation.
Of course, this is also counter-intuitive; when someone threatens me, what I naturally want is to put them in their place!
When I Feel Hurt
When I feel hurt, the mistaken purpose is probably revenge. This person is either a Melancholy or acting out of Melancholy weaknesses. I can bless them by facilitating greater perfection, order, and sensitivity.
Of course, yet again, this is counter-intuitive; when I feel hurt, my instinct is to hurt them back or run and hide!
When I Feel Helpless
When I feel helpless, the mistaken purpose is probably assumed inadequacy. This person is either a Phlegmatic or acting out of Phlegmatic weaknesses. I can bless them by providing peace, respect, and a sense of self-worth.
Of course, this too is counter-intuitive; what I want to do is motivate them to take action and quit whining!
Choosing to Love
It's also a choice.
One we can make now.
So that when the holidays come around, God's love flows to us and through us.
Your Turn:
- Which relationship might improve if you used your feelings about their misbehavior to guide your choice of response?
- Which feeling is the hardest for you to experience: feeling annoyed, threatened, hurt, or helpless?
- Anything else on your heart!