Showing posts with label attention. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attention. Show all posts

Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)


Today's post comes to you as a vlog (below) and blog (scroll on down)!

 Can't view video?  Click here to see "Your Feelings Can Help You Choose" on YouTube!




Readers have given a ton of great input regarding the issues we seem to struggle with most during the holidays. These two comments represent a whole host of responses I received on this particular theme:

“Encountering and spending time with relatives and other visitors who have conflicting lifestyles and values during the holidays.”

“Difficult relationships with people who know how to “push our buttons” during the holidays!”

Since today’s verse is


I tell you who hear me: 
Love your enemies, 
do good to those who hate you, 
bless those who curse you, 
pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)


I thought today would be a good day to talk about how we can plan to BLESS those who have very different values and those who tend to “push our buttons.”


Mistaken Purposes of Misbehavior

According to Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline, our children’s misbehavior stems from attempting to fulfill four mistaken purposes:


1)  attention:  “I belong only when I have your attention or special service.”

2)  power:  “I belong only when I am winning or at least when I don’t let you win.”

3)  revenge:  “It hurts that I can not belong, but at least I can hurt back.”

4)  assumed inadequacy:  “I give up. It’s impossible to belong.”


Using My Feelings to Identify Others' Mistaken Purposes

I can quickly identify someone’s mistaken purpose by my own feelings in reaction to the misbehavior.  

Then, using my knowledge of the PURSE-onalities, I can choose -- through the power of the Holy Spirit -- how to respond in blessing, rather than react out of instinct.


When I Feel Annoyed

When I feel annoyed, the mistaken purpose is probably attention. This person is either a Sanguine or acting out of Sanguine weaknesses. I can bless them by responding with fun, attention, and approval. 

Of course, this is very counter-intuitive, because when someone annoys me, my natural reaction is to ignore them and hope they’ll go away!


When I Feel Undermined or Threatened

When I feel undermined or threatened, the mistaken purpose is probably power. This person is either a Choleric or acting out of Choleric weaknesses. I can bless them by offering them greater control, achievement, and appreciation. 

Of course, this is also counter-intuitive; when someone threatens me, what I naturally want is to put them in their place!


When I Feel Hurt

When I feel hurt, the mistaken purpose is probably revenge. This person is either a Melancholy or acting out of Melancholy weaknesses. I can bless them by facilitating greater perfection, order, and sensitivity. 

Of course, yet again, this is counter-intuitive; when I feel hurt, my instinct is to hurt them back or run and hide!


When I Feel Helpless

When I feel helpless, the mistaken purpose is probably assumed inadequacy. This person is either a Phlegmatic or acting out of Phlegmatic weaknesses. I can bless them by providing peace, respect, and a sense of self-worth. 

Of course, this too is counter-intuitive; what I want to do is motivate them to take action and quit whining!

Choosing to Love

Blessing those who curse us is counter-intuitive. 

 It's also a choice. 

 One we can make now. 

 So that when the holidays come around, God's love flows to us and through us.
Your Turn:

  • Which relationship might improve if you used your feelings about their misbehavior to guide your choice of response?
  • Which feeling is the hardest for you to experience: feeling annoyed, threatened, hurt, or helpless?
  • Anything else on your heart!

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TPC "lite": The Do-Over Drive


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Today I didn’t do very much. But what I did was hard.
I tackled The Bag.
If you’ve read my blog post from December 2010 “Stewardship vs. Storing Stuff,” you know that I got rid of 20+ boxes of fabric when we moved six years ago. When I wrote that blog post, I got rid of almost all my remaining sewing “stuff.” 
But I kept The Bag.
The Fabrics.


Fabrics for the two outfits I would finally sew for myself. 
I love the colors and textures of the jumper fabric. And I love the embroidered horses on the split skirt fabric. 


I haven’t sewn in more than a decade. I won’t sew for another decade. I don’t even miss sewing or feel any longing to sew.
So why do I still have The Bag of The Fabrics?
Replacing Baditude
When Daniel and I were first married, I sewed almost all my clothes and many of his. I tailored many pair of pants, a long wool coat, and a full suit (made from an exquisite silver-grey silk/wool herringbone.)

When our children were born, I sewed for them, amazingly detailed outfits. I took on contract sewing jobs for many years, dozens of glorious bridesmaid dresses.
Yes, I did “enjoy” sewing. But what I really sewed for were all the compliments. 
“You made this? It looks so professional!”
“Your attention to detail is amazing!”
As a Sanguine, I loved all the attention and approval my sewing projects brought me.
As a Choleric, I loved the sense of accomplishment when an outfit was finally done and being worn for the first time.
But what I really loved was escaping the consequences of my mistakes. Ripping out and re-sewing poorly-sewn seams. Doing and re-doing to my heart’s content. 
Sewing allowed me do-overs until I achieved perfection.
With God’s Word
On Day 4, I wrote about purity of motives. and the urge to “climb up on God’s throne and try to do HIS job.”
My urge to sew just one of these outfits reveals my continued drive to fix my own imperfections. On my own. 
To do and re-do until my heart’s content.
(Can't see image? Read 1 Corinthians 1:30 here!)
I am pure. Not because I try so hard. Not because I do and re-do until I get it just right. 
God declares me 
  • united with Christ Jesus
  • right with God
  • pure and holy
  • freed from sin

I need to let go of my desire to do...do...do...until I’ve “redeemed myself.”
I need to Let God be who only He is: my Redeemer.
And Gratitude
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…
...to relax.
...to rest.
...to quit trying so hard.
Today I’m watching for…
...someone with whom I can share God’s love through my attention.
...someone with whom I can share God’s grace through my approval.
...someone with whom I can share God’s freedom from achievement addiction.
Today I’m appreciating…
...the chance to practice saying “no” to something I could do but should not do.
...the reminder that Your approval and Your attention are all I need.


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