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Today I didn’t do very much. But what I did was hard.
I tackled The Bag.
If you’ve read my blog post from December 2010 “Stewardship vs. Storing Stuff,” you know that I got rid of 20+ boxes of fabric when we moved six years ago. When I wrote that blog post, I got rid of almost all my remaining sewing “stuff.”
But I kept The Bag.
The Fabrics.
Fabrics for the two outfits I would finally sew for myself.
I love the colors and textures of the jumper fabric. And I love the embroidered horses on the split skirt fabric.
I haven’t sewn in more than a decade. I won’t sew for another decade. I don’t even miss sewing or feel any longing to sew.
So why do I still have The Bag of The Fabrics?
Replacing Baditude
When Daniel and I were first married, I sewed almost all my clothes and many of his. I tailored many pair of pants, a long wool coat, and a full suit (made from an exquisite silver-grey silk/wool herringbone.)
When our children were born, I sewed for them, amazingly detailed outfits. I took on contract sewing jobs for many years, dozens of glorious bridesmaid dresses.
Yes, I did “enjoy” sewing. But what I really sewed for were all the compliments.
“You made this? It looks so professional!”
“Your attention to detail is amazing!”
As a Sanguine, I loved all the attention and approval my sewing projects brought me.
As a Choleric, I loved the sense of accomplishment when an outfit was finally done and being worn for the first time.
But what I really loved was escaping the consequences of my mistakes. Ripping out and re-sewing poorly-sewn seams. Doing and re-doing to my heart’s content.
Sewing allowed me do-overs until I achieved perfection.
With God’s Word
On Day 4, I wrote about purity of motives. and the urge to “climb up on God’s throne and try to do HIS job.”
My urge to sew just one of these outfits reveals my continued drive to fix my own imperfections. On my own.
To do and re-do until my heart’s content.
(Can't see image? Read 1 Corinthians 1:30 here!)
I am pure. Not because I try so hard. Not because I do and re-do until I get it just right.
God declares me
- united with Christ Jesus
- right with God
- pure and holy
- freed from sin
I need to let go of my desire to do...do...do...until I’ve “redeemed myself.”
I need to Let God be who only He is: my Redeemer.
And Gratitude
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…
...to relax.
...to rest.
...to quit trying so hard.
Today I’m watching for…
...someone with whom I can share God’s love through my attention.
...someone with whom I can share God’s grace through my approval.
...someone with whom I can share God’s freedom from achievement addiction.
Today I’m appreciating…
...the chance to practice saying “no” to something I could do but should not do.
...the reminder that Your approval and Your attention are all I need.