Our Give-Away for Today!
(Retail value = $58)
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Cheri: (venting to my son) “I’ve had it up to hear with Ramon! He’s impossible! Disrespectful, antagonistic, hates my class, hates me, refuses to learn. I can’t do anything with him!”
Jonathon: (Contemplatively) “I just wish I knew him better...”
Cheri: (Vengefully) “I know him as well as I need to know him.”
Jonathon: (Gently) “Maybe you only know him as much as you want to know him.”
Ouch.
The truth hurts.
Especially when spoken in love by one I trust!
I Make You All About Me
On my own, I am hyper-sensitive to negativity. I filter your behavior through suspicion:- Are you my enemy?
- Do you hate me?
- Are you cursing me?
- Do you mistreat me?
Strangers, it would make sense for me to screen this way. But no, I save my hyper-est vigilance for those closest to me: family, friends, students, colleagues, church members.
Ramon is a perfect example of how easily I vilify people God has called me to love:
- Yes, he was a very difficult student.
- Yes, he was blatant in telling me he couldn’t stand me or my class.
- Yes, he badmouthed me to my face, to students, to administration, to his parents.
- Yes, he disrupted class, especially with devastatingly subtle body language.
I was “right” about all of Ramon’s negativity. But I was wrong in my response.
I focused on me and
- how much I like my students to like me.
- how hard it is for me to face a student–day in and day out–when I know he actively dislikes me.
- how easily offended I am when a student “talks trash” about me.
- how quickly I melt down in the face of disrespect.
In my mind, I transformed Ramon from son of God into a caricature: an “impossible” student.
End. of. story.
He Makes Me All About You
(Can't see image? Download Luke 6:27-28 here!)
In a comment on Day 3, Patti JC wrote: “My process for today is to try to put myself in another person’s shoes if they irritate me while driving….if someone pulls out and is oblivious to me behind them, I can think "maybe this person has just received bad news of some kind & isn't focused on what they're doing" or "maybe they're having a bad day and yelling at the kids; my attitude toward them could only compound their issues", etc. :)”
Empathy is such a powerful choice!
SO the opposite of accusation and contempt.
"Maybe" allows for the reason to remain unknown, which is hard.
We tend to do pretty well being empathetic when we know the reason and it makes sense to us. But when all we have to go on is our own imagination and "maybe," THAT is love in action.
I arrived at empathy for Ramon too late. Not until April did I take my eyes off myself long enough to glimpse the world through his eyes.
He knew nobody liked him. But he didn’t understand why. He was a confused, hurting, mixed-up kid who needed someone to take the time to get to know him.
Jonathon’s comment, “I just wish I knew him better!” has stayed with me. I did not try hard enough to get to know Ramon, and my regret keeps me mindful that Christ calls me to
- love the Ramons in my life…no matter how “difficult” that may feel.
- do good for the Ramons in my life...even if they actively dislike me.
- bless the Ramons in my life...despite any face-to-face badmouthing and behind-the-back trash talking.
- pray for the Ramons in my life...regardless of how they treat me.
Try this today: Make a list of the “Ramons” in your life. (If any are family members, keep the list tucked away!) Keep it with your journal and prayerfully seek one way to Love, Do good, Bless, and/or Pray for one “Ramon” today.
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Please leave a comment
- responding to today’s blog, and/or
- sharing your Day #1-19 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
- about anything else on your heart!
Winners for Days 17-21 will be drawn and notified mid-week!
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(Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)
