Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts

Why I Yelled at a Friend (+ What I Shoulda Done Instead)


I yelled at a friend on Monday.

Yes, he was the reason three students were late to class...
  • ...by 15 minutes...
  • ...on a timed AP essay day...
  • ...so they lost 50% of their time.

Yes, we've agreed not to hold students after chapel. That getting straight to class, on time, is of utmost importance.

Yes, I had a right to be disappointed. My kids had invested their time writing outlines ahead of time. I'd invested my time reading and responding to their outlines. I had high hopes that they'd do well.

But none of these are the real reason.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because
  • I have a son who turned 20 on Thursday, and 20-year-olds are not supposed to shoot anyone ever.
  • I have a daughter who was in first grade just yesterday and is now researching graduate schools that offer Fine Arts programs, but little Emilie Parker never will.
  • I overheard my students refer to two of my hardest-working colleagues as "lazy" and "inefficient" last week and I keep thinking If they say that about them, what on earth do they say about me?!?
  • I thought that by now, I'd be over the issues that plagued me in my 20s and 30s, but lately it feels like the harder I work the worse I get. I'm so astronomically high maintenance, I can't possibly be worth the upkeep or the collateral damage.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because I forgot how quickly I "max out" when strong emotions are coming at me from all sides.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because with so much going wrong, I needed something -- anything! -- to turn out all right.

If you're feeling close to yelling at a friend...or a spouse or a child or a parent...over something that's gone wrong, here's what I learned on Monday:  


Yelling at a friend won't make anything all right.

(I know, I know:  "No duh!")

I should have yelled for my Friend before I got in over my head.

(Fortunately, it's not too late!)



I love you, Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

The cords of death entangled me;  the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice;  my cry came before him, into his ears.

The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew;  he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them.

The valleys of the sea were exposed  and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:1-19



Your Turn!
  • Have you found yourself unusually "on edge" or reactive this week? If so, how have you dealt with it?
  • What is your go-to scripture when things are going wrong and you need to re-mind yourself of the One who makes everything all right?
  • Anything else on your heart!




Coming in January!

How to Calm an Emotion Storm



How can she let me down like this?

She promised.  

And I did my part.

I start plotting...
  • ...how to get her to hold up her end of our bargain.
  • ...how to make her.
  • ...how to force her to…

Wait a second. 

I recognize this feeling.

The I am SO going to make this happen sensation.

I recognize 
  • the tightening of the skin above my nose.
  • the slight buzzing in my ears. 
  • the narrowing of my vision.  

This is not time to take action.

This is time to
  • pause.
  • pray.
  • ponder God’s word (instead of my oh-so-wordy thoughts!)

Slowly, I remember that I can not get her, make her, or force her to do anything.

I have control over my choices.

Only my choices.

(Not hers.)



As I listen for the next step God is leading me to take,
  • my nose relaxes, 
  • the buzzing dies down, and
  • my peripheral vision expands.

Calm returns.

I remember, with gratitude, that this process once took hours, days, even weeks.  

Now, mostly minutes...often less.


God promises...


And I will give you a new heart, 
and I will put a new spirit in you. 
I will take out your stony, stubborn heart 
and give you a tender, responsive heart.
(Ezekiel 36:26)

...and He will never let you down. 


Your Turn:
  • How often do you feel like you need to get, make, or force someone else to do something you want them to do? How do you deal with that feeling?
  • What is your favorite verse to recall or look up when stormy emotions start getting the upper hand in your mind or heart?
  • Anything else on your heart!


Check out The Better Mom to enter their drawing for my 31 laminated Bible verse cards!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

TPC "lite": Not My Mess

(Enter this week's drawings via Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post!)



I’m in trouble.
I started photographing “trouble spots” in the garage and got stuck within 10 seconds.
Right here.
Stuck at this stack.
This stack that would not be here if I had my way.
This stack that contains

  • a backpack designed to carry our camera, the lenses, and a laptop computer. “We” purchased it right on the heels of our camera (neither of which were in the budget by any stretch of the imagination!) I didn’t think “we” would ever use it, and yet “we” paid...er...an amount with three digits before the decimal (and the first digit wasn’t a 1.)
  • a speaker that hasn’t worked for decades. (But it’s going to be fixed just as soon as…)
  • a rolling duffel that is broken in 5 places to the point it does not roll. If I even try to use it, I re-injure my back. And yet “we” keep it because it’s a great duffel that we might need…
  • two old Bissel spot cleaners, neither of which have worked in years. I bought a brand new Little Green Machine a couple of years ago, which we love (and use!) all the time. (But these are going to be fixed just as soon as…)
Replacing “Baditude”
So much baditude in so little time!
(So much for the idea of “any ‘baditude’ that might crop up during the de-cluttering process”!)
Behind this stack, I hear powerful stories hiding. Stories of
  • Choleric anger:  “if I had my way”
  • Accusation:  “neither of which were in the budget…”
  • Victimization:  “If I even try to use it…”
  • Contempt:  “But it’s going to be fixed just as soon as…” and “I bought a brand new...”
The message of all my “baditude”: This. Is. Not. My. Mess.
With God’s Word
On Day 1 of The PURSE-onality Challenge, I wrote about negative self-talk. 
Now I hear how negatively I’m talking to myself about someone else. Right now, it’s my husband.  But I’m an equal opportunity griper!  Get in “my way,” and have I got a story for you...about you!  (And it does not end “happily ever after”!)
(Can't see image? Read Ephesians 1:4 right here!)

I am loved...and so is Daniel. So is every person who does (or doesn’t) do what I don’t (or do) want them to do.
On Day 2, I wrote about believing God when He says that He chose me.
He chose each one of us and gave us freedom of choice. And I’m finding that I do not respect Daniel’s God-given freedom to choose. It’s almost as if I believe my choices are more important than Daniel’s freedom...as if I know better than God. (Which turns out to be a recurring theme of The PURSE-onality Challenge!) 

(Can't see image? Read John 15:16 right here!)

I am chosen...and so is Daniel. Whether or not his choices match mine. 

I need to let go of the “Not. My. Mess.” stories. 
I need to Let God love me...and teach me how to love Daniel despite “the stack.”
I need to let go of my desire to control other’s choices.
I need to Let God choose me...and teach me to respect Daniel’s freedom to choose.
And Gratitude
When it comes to gratitude, the word that jumped out at me througout the research process is practice…..For years, I subscribed to the notion of an ‘attitude of gratitude.’ 
I’ve since learned that…‘having an attitude’ doesn’t always translate into a behavior…..It seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith without works–it’s not alive.”  (The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown, pgs. 78-79)
In my journal:


Today I’m praying... 
  • to accept that this stack is, in fact, “my mess.”
  • for compassion as I recognize–once again!–my judgmental, controlling attitudes.
  • for forgiveness for trying to be “mess-free” on my own power.
  • for a contrite heart as I seek Daniel’s forgiveness for my disrespectful words and deeds.
  • to receive Your love fully and rest in it.
Today I’m watching for…
  • an opportunity to thank Daniel for fixing something around the house. 
  • an chance to speak Daniel’s love language through an “act of service.”
  • a way to show Daniel that after 25 years, I’d choose him all over again.

Today I’m appreciating…
  • the prompting to apologize for snapping at Daniel yesterday and the insights about what “triggered” me that I can now bring to You to work through.
  • that Daniel chose to sit and listen to me share my discouragement with certain aspects of this school year...without interrupting or trying to solve my problems. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway