The PURSE-onality Challenge: TPC lite

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TPC "lite": A Little Public Humiliation and a Whole Lot of "Baditude"

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Step 5: Keep It Up

The best way to keep [your office/hobby] space clear is to regularly invite people over for a work or hobby night. Don’t underestimate the power of public humiliation when it comes to an area that it would be just as easy to shut the door on.

Also keep the area pretty. Put in your personal touches so that it’s a place you want to keep organized and easy to use.

(Kathi Lipp, The Get Yourself Organized Project, pgs. 102-103)

So, I didn’t exactly invite people over. But I’m pretty sure posting photos counts as public humiliation!

Actually, as I learned when giving an education workshop (called “Subduing the Chaos: Becoming ‘Organized Enough’”), sharing photos like this is a great way to separate the Melancholies from the Sanguines.

The Melancholies are horrified: “I can’t believe anyone can live like that!” (Or my mother’s version: “Just looking at this makes me feel messy!”)

And the Sanguines all exclaim, “Oh, that looks like my desk!” (And often, with great enthusiasm, “Only mine is way worse!”)

For the record, a typical Choleric approach is, “As long as I can find what I need when I need it!” And Phlegmatics generally think, “That looks like way too much work.”

Replacing Baditude

Here are the baditudes that cropped up during today’s de-cluttering spree:

1. “You’ve allowed things to get so bad that now you have to take everything out, sort it, organize it, and put it back NOW.”

Are you familiar with the “pull everything out so I’ll be forced to deal with it” technique? If so, you know the misery it produces...and perpetuates! Oh the times I’ve gutted one area of the house...and spread the contents all over the rest of the house...and then become so discouraged that I quit completely!

2. “You missed the deadline to join the class action lawsuit to get money back for this incredibly expensive power source! How could you?”

Yes, this power source not only smoked, it sparked and briefly caught on fire. And yes, I would love to have gotten my piece of the class action pie ($45 if I recall!) But no, it’s not an option any more.

3. “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe you haven’t put everything in a memory album for Daddy yet! His birthday party was two months ago!”

Never mind that I haven’t put anything in any memory album for about a decade. Actually, I take that back. I've put plenty of money into memory albums–I own dozens! And scrapping tools. And supplies. (And a featherduster to keep them clean!)

4. “What is with all these dumb Post-It Notes? You are so scattered! Mind going a thousand directions at once, always arriving nowhere.”

I have the world’s. worst. memory. This is a statement of fact, not a complaint. (Okay, it might be a slight hyperbole.) The moment an idea, a reminder, a question, a concern, a task, etc. crosses my mind, I yank out a Post-It Note and jot it down. Sometimes, in the time it takes to grab a pen, I forget what I was supposed to jot down. It’s bad.

5. “You are re-using Post-It flags? You waste everything else in your entire life but hoard Post-It flags?!?”

Don’t ask me. I’ll burn $10 of gas to buy a $5 Starbucks mocha and walnut-and-brown-sugar tart. But I recycle Post-it flags.

With God’s Word

On Day 5, I wrote about the fight to be right. And about how much I hate being wr...wr...wr...not completely right!

Baditude #1 was all about punishment, and I almost fell for it! I felt like I deserved to spend 8-10 hours “atoning” for my “sin” of allowing my desk to look so awful. Instead, I set a 15-minute timer and gently did what I could. Baditude #2 was all about blame. After taking the photo, I disposed of the defective power source.

(Can't see the image? Click here to read Romans 3:24!)

I am righteous. Looking at my desk, at my choices, at my heart, I am reminded of what an “undeserved kindness” I’ve been given. To be declared righteous!?!

I need to let go of self-blame and self-punishment.

I need to Let God’s declaration that I am righteous become my “because.”

On Day 6, I wrote that our greatest need isn’t better behavior. Our greatest need is a Savior.

Baditudes #3-5 were all about my bad behaviors: taking too long, using too many, hoarding too much.

(Can't see the image? Click here to read Ephesians 1:7!)

I am forgiven. My focus isn’t my behavior–bad or good. My focus is on my Savior.

I need to let go of all my “too”s.

I need to Let God be my Savior and surrender to Him my behavior.

And Gratitude

from my journal:

Today I’m praying…

...for motivation to work on my desk 15 minutes a day so that by July 1 it’s “done.”
...to hear Your words, not mine, as I face all this “stuff” that I need to let go.
...that I can figure out how to make my office pretty, not just practical!

Today I’m watching for…

…other areas of the house that probably are driving my Melancholy husband bananas.
...ways to have some Sanguine fun so that all work and no play doesn’t make Cheri a dull girl.
...chances to share the abundance of “unburied treasures” with those who can use them.

Today I’m appreciating…

...the variety of opportunities You’ve given me.
...the fact that I am never ever bored! :-)
...how good it felt to stop when that 15-minute timer went off.

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TPC "lite": The Do-Over Drive

Enter this week's drawings via Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post! Lots of prizes, lots of ways to enter, lots of names (10) being drawn!

Today I didn’t do very much. But what I did was hard.

I tackled The Bag.

If you’ve read my blog post from December 2010 “Stewardship vs. Storing Stuff,” you know that I got rid of 20+ boxes of fabric when we moved six years ago. When I wrote that blog post, I got rid of almost all my remaining sewing “stuff.”

But I kept The Bag.

The Fabrics.

Fabrics for the two outfits I would finally sew for myself.

I love the colors and textures of the jumper fabric. And I love the embroidered horses on the split skirt fabric.

I haven’t sewn in more than a decade. I won’t sew for another decade. I don’t even miss sewing or feel any longing to sew.

So why do I still have The Bag of The Fabrics?

Replacing Baditude

When Daniel and I were first married, I sewed almost all my clothes and many of his. I tailored many pair of pants, a long wool coat, and a full suit (made from an exquisite silver-grey silk/wool herringbone.)

When our children were born, I sewed for them, amazingly detailed outfits. I took on contract sewing jobs for many years, dozens of glorious bridesmaid dresses.

Yes, I did “enjoy” sewing. But what I really sewed for were all the compliments.

“You made this? It looks so professional!”

“Your attention to detail is amazing!”

As a Sanguine, I loved all the attention and approval my sewing projects brought me.

As a Choleric, I loved the sense of accomplishment when an outfit was finally done and being worn for the first time.

But what I really loved was escaping the consequences of my mistakes. Ripping out and re-sewing poorly-sewn seams. Doing and re-doing to my heart’s content.

Sewing allowed me do-overs until I achieved perfection.

With God’s Word

On Day 4, I wrote about purity of motives. and the urge to “climb up on God’s throne and try to do HIS job.”

My urge to sew just one of these outfits reveals my continued drive to fix my own imperfections. On my own.

To do and re-do until my heart’s content.

(Can't see image? Read 1 Corinthians 1:30 here!)

I am pure. Not because I try so hard. Not because I do and re-do until I get it just right.

God declares me

united with Christ Jesus
right with God
pure and holy
freed from sin

I need to let go of my desire to do...do...do...until I’ve “redeemed myself.”

I need to Let God be who only He is: my Redeemer.

And Gratitude

from my journal:

Today I’m praying…

...to relax.

...to rest.

...to quit trying so hard.

Today I’m watching for…

...someone with whom I can share God’s love through my attention.

...someone with whom I can share God’s grace through my approval.

...someone with whom I can share God’s freedom from achievement addiction.

Today I’m appreciating…

...the chance to practice saying “no” to something I could do but should not do.

...the reminder that Your approval and Your attention are all I need.

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TPC "lite": The ___ I've Tried to Be

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"Pet Stuff sounds" like an easy way to actually make progress.

Sorting thru the contents of the basket that sits on top of Shatzi's crate:

the blue leash can go – I bought the pink one to match my pink running shirt when I was training for a marathon...back in November...

the collapsible bowl can go – She will drink from my hands but not the bowl. Go figure!

the toenail caps worked great for a couple of months. Then she figured out that she could gnaw them off. Last few times I spent hours putting them on, she had them all off in 15 minutes or less.

claw clippers must go – I traumatized both of us by drawing blood the first time I used them!

the black mitten will go – guaranteeing that its lost partner shows back up the next day!

From the Laundry Room shelf:

hummingbird food – Oh yeah! I have a hummingbird feeder!

all-but-new dog toys – Shatzi does not play with toys. Never has. Based on her response to these two years ago, never will.

dog treats and knuckle bones – Oh yeah! I have dog treats and knuckle bones!

From the white shelving unit by the back door:

pet wipes – What was I thinking?!? Did I really think these would keep me from having to actually bathe my Keeshond?

bark collar batteries – Clearly, I live in terror of running out! (If you've ever heard Shatzi on a barking jag, you know this fear is 100% rational!)

heart worm medication – Wow. Those three little envelopes represent $100+ worth of pills that I wussed out on making my cats swallow. Quick lecture to self: If I can't/won't do it, I need to (a) decline heart worm medication or (b) commit to taking the cats the vet for the initial dose and 3 weeks later for the follow-up dose.

All done! Well, that wasn't too bad!

A nice, rational little lesson about the heart worm medication...no "baditude" to worry about today!

The bookshelves.

No. I don't have to face the bookshelves. This is "Pet Stuff" day!

The dog books.

The dog books?

Not the dog books.

(More like the dog books shelf...)

I'd dreamed of owning a Keeshond since I read the book Gabriel in 3rd grade.

After visiting a Reading Education Assistance Dogs demonstration in early 2005, I knew that I would finally get my Keeshond and we would train to become a R.E.A.D. dog team! For the first six months, everything was on track. She went to school with me every day, socializing with all the students from K through 8th grade. We attended puppy classes at PetSmart. I bought all the books and joined all the clubs. (As a Sanguine, I love starting and joining!)

But then in June of 2006, we moved to a new school with new rules: No dogs in classrooms. Period. I petitioned the safety committee, giving illustrated information about therapy dogs. But due to previous biting incidents and insurance issues, and my request was declined.

I could not bring Shatzi to work with me. She could not interact with people throughout the day. Our training came to a screeching halt.

That was five years ago.

Replacing Baditude

Okay, so I have a bit of "batitude" toward the school rule. I'd really hoped an exception could be made for a loving on-leash dog wearing a "Therapy Dog In Training" vest.

But I do understand that sometimes the easiest way to minimize costs is to just say "no" to risk. So I'm not bitter. Just disappointed.

Now, what's with the books? The shelf of dog books? After five years, why are they still here?

Is it stubbornness?

No.

Not just stubbornness.

I've loved imagining Shatzi and me spending afternoons in convalescent homes with lonely Alzheimer's patients stroking her silky fur and smiling at long-lost memories.

Never mind that I hate convalescent homes, anything that is even vaguely hospital-ish.

Never mind that if I really wanted to visit Alzheimer's patients I could start by visiting my own mother regularly.

The dog books don't represent stubbornness.

They represent my old nemesis:

fear.

I am terrified of losing my fantasy self: the wonderful teacher who models service to her students by taking them to visit the elderly while accompanied by her beautiful fluffy dog and wearing a swishy floral skirt from Coldwater Creek.

If I give up the books, how will I ever be the wonderful teacher I've tried so hard for so long to become?

With God’s Word

On Day 3, I wrote about the difference between trying so that...and trying because.

Hoarding these books tells me that I really don't trust that God knows what He's doing in my life. I act like I need these books as tools for trying so that I can become the "wonderful teacher" of my fantasies.

(Can't see the image? Read Colossians 2:10 right here!)

I am complete. Whether or not anyone thinks I'm a "wonderful" ______ (teacher, spouse, parent, friend, child, sibling, speaker, writer...)

I need to let go of my tools for trying so that I can become complete.

And I need to Let God's truth–that I am already complete in Him–be my because for trying.

And Gratitude

from my journal:

Today I’m praying…

that I'll recognize other “stuff” I hang onto as tools for trying so that…

for presence enjoy the everyday ordinaries with my furry family members.

to try hard – to play full out in my real life – because I am complete in You.

Today I’m watching for…

opportunities to laugh and experience joy because of Your creatures.

ways in which you demonstrate Your unconditional love through the faithfulness and loyalty of my pets.

Today I’m appreciating…

Shatzi, Tally, Dusty, and Rafiki (especially since they’re all sleeping right now!)

Your refuge and strength as I struggle against fear to let go of the “stuff” and the fantasies and the idealized version of myself.

Your patience with me as I keep “discovering” that all I need to do Let You be Your amazing Self in my life.

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TPC "lite": Not My Mess

(Enter this week's drawings via Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post!)

I’m in trouble.

I started photographing “trouble spots” in the garage and got stuck within 10 seconds.

Right here.

Stuck at this stack.

This stack that would not be here if I had my way.

This stack that contains

a backpack designed to carry our camera, the lenses, and a laptop computer. “We” purchased it right on the heels of our camera (neither of which were in the budget by any stretch of the imagination!) I didn’t think “we” would ever use it, and yet “we” paid...er...an amount with three digits before the decimal (and the first digit wasn’t a 1.)

a speaker that hasn’t worked for decades. (But it’s going to be fixed just as soon as…)

a rolling duffel that is broken in 5 places to the point it does not roll. If I even try to use it, I re-injure my back. And yet “we” keep it because it’s a great duffel that we might need…

two old Bissel spot cleaners, neither of which have worked in years. I bought a brand new Little Green Machine a couple of years ago, which we love (and use!) all the time. (But these are going to be fixed just as soon as…)

Replacing “Baditude”

So much baditude in so little time!

(So much for the idea of “any ‘baditude’ that might crop up during the de-cluttering process”!)

Behind this stack, I hear powerful stories hiding. Stories of

Choleric anger: “if I had my way”

Accusation: “neither of which were in the budget…”

Victimization: “If I even try to use it…”

Contempt: “But it’s going to be fixed just as soon as…” and “I bought a brand new...”

The message of all my “baditude”: This. Is. Not. My. Mess.

With God’s Word

On Day 1 of The PURSE-onality Challenge, I wrote about negative self-talk.

Now I hear how negatively I’m talking to myself about someone else. Right now, it’s my husband. But I’m an equal opportunity griper! Get in “my way,” and have I got a story for you...about you! (And it does not end “happily ever after”!)

(Can't see image? Read Ephesians 1:4 right here!)

I am loved...and so is Daniel. So is every person who does (or doesn’t) do what I don’t (or do) want them to do.

On Day 2, I wrote about believing God when He says that He chose me.

He chose each one of us and gave us freedom of choice. And I’m finding that I do not respect Daniel’s God-given freedom to choose. It’s almost as if I believe my choices are more important than Daniel’s freedom...as if I know better than God. (Which turns out to be a recurring theme of The PURSE-onality Challenge!)

(Can't see image? Read John 15:16 right here!)

I am chosen...and so is Daniel. Whether or not his choices match mine.

I need to let go of the “Not. My. Mess.” stories.

I need to Let God love me...and teach me how to love Daniel despite “the stack.”

I need to let go of my desire to control other’s choices.

I need to Let God choose me...and teach me to respect Daniel’s freedom to choose.

And Gratitude

“When it comes to gratitude, the word that jumped out at me througout the research process is practice…..For years, I subscribed to the notion of an ‘attitude of gratitude.’

I’ve since learned that…‘having an attitude’ doesn’t always translate into a behavior…..It seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith without works–it’s not alive.” (The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown, pgs. 78-79)

In my journal:

Today I’m praying...

to accept that this stack is, in fact, “my mess.”

for compassion as I recognize–once again!–my judgmental, controlling attitudes.

for forgiveness for trying to be “mess-free” on my own power.

for a contrite heart as I seek Daniel’s forgiveness for my disrespectful words and deeds.

to receive Your love fully and rest in it.

Today I’m watching for…

an opportunity to thank Daniel for fixing something around the house.

an chance to speak Daniel’s love language through an “act of service.”

a way to show Daniel that after 25 years, I’d choose him all over again.

Today I’m appreciating…

the prompting to apologize for snapping at Daniel yesterday and the insights about what “triggered” me that I can now bring to You to work through.

that Daniel chose to sit and listen to me share my discouragement with certain aspects of this school year...without interrupting or trying to solve my problems.

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