Day 4: PURE (+ Goodbye, Ghosts of Christmas Past!)

Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)
Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)
Day 2: CHOSEN - Making Right Holiday Choices
Day 3: COMPLETE (+ 5 Gift-Giving Questions)

As a recovering perfectionist, I still struggle with regrets.

Holiday Guilt

Some of my regrets are valid, based on things I've done (or left undone.) Healthy guilt can move me toward restoration as I recognize my failures and repent.

One Christmas when I was a teenager, I realized on Christmas Eve that I had no gifts for my family members. Desperately trying to save face, I threw together haphazard, hideous creations that featured my school photo. 

As my brother and parents opened their "gifts," I realized how selfish I'd been in (a) neglecting to think ahead about gifts, and (b) trying to pass off last-minute sloppiness as something worth giving. 

I deserved to feel that guilt. I'd earned it, and I learned from it.

Holiday Shame

However, other regrets are fantastical, based on things far out of my control. Shame paralyzes me, convincing me that I am a mistake (vs. made a mistake) and am fatally flawed.

Years ago, I cross-stitched all my Christmas gifts. I put dozens of hours into each creation, selecting designs and colors that I felt certain each recipient would especially enjoy.

So I was caught completely off-guard when one person started to open their gift and exclaimed, as they saw the frame, "Oh, family photos! Finally!" Their face fell when they saw that "all" the frame contained was my cross-stitching.

I spent months berating myself for being so stupid. What's wrong with you? Why did you think they'd want your cross-stitching? Why didn't you think of family photos?  

I didn't deserve to feel that shame. I hadn't earned it, and I didn’t learn a thing from it. 

No Holiday Shame Needed

I sure wish I'd been mature enough to laugh off the cross-stitch disappointment. I could have hauled the family in to Sears photo studio the next week...but I'm not going to waste time wallowing in that regret!

According to God, my record is clean. 

God has united you with Christ Jesus. 

For our benefit God made Him to be wisdom itself. 

Christ made us right with God; 

he made us pure and holy,

and He freed us from sin. 

1 Corinthians 1:30 (NLT)

I don’t need to keep playing in the mud of my past. 

I don’t even need to approach December as a do-over, a chance to redeem my past mistakes.

I get to experience December 25, 2012 as the first Christmas I’ve ever had (this year)!

Can you feel the difference?

Instead of asking, “What can I do so that this year is better than last year? What can I do differently so that I don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past?”

I can ask:

“How will I celebrate Christmas this year because I am LOVED? because I am CHOSEN?  because I am COMPLETE?  because I am PURE?”

“How can my life express, “Happy Birthday!” to the One who has given me these amazing gifts?”

Pre-Thinking 4 Primary Holiday Regrets

Some holiday regrets are simply the result of miscommunication. We don’t realize our options. We don’t understand others’ preferences. We don’t recognize that our priorities are out of whack.

Making these simple questions a matter of conversation with God and family now can bring clarity over the upcoming weeks and months:

1)  What will I regret not doing that others legitimately need me to do for  them during the holidays?

2)  What will I regret not doing that I really need and/or want to do during the holidays?

3)  What will I regret doing that I really don’t need and/or want to do during the holidays?  

4)  What will I regret doing that others don’t legitimately need me to do for them during the holidays?

Your Turn

• What regrets do you have from past holidays? 

• Do you struggle more with guilt or shame?

• What are you feeling called to not do this year?

• What are you feeling prompted to do this year?

• Anything else on your heart!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

TPC "lite": The Do-Over Drive

Enter this week's drawings via Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post!  Lots of prizes, lots of ways to enter, lots of names (10) being drawn!

Today I didn’t do very much. But what I did was hard.

I tackled The Bag.

If you’ve read my blog post from December 2010 “Stewardship vs. Storing Stuff,” you know that I got rid of 20+ boxes of fabric when we moved six years ago. When I wrote that blog post, I got rid of almost all my remaining sewing “stuff.” 

But I kept The Bag.

The Fabrics.

Fabrics for the two outfits I would finally sew for myself. 

I love the colors and textures of the jumper fabric. And I love the embroidered horses on the split skirt fabric. 

I haven’t sewn in more than a decade. I won’t sew for another decade. I don’t even miss sewing or feel any longing to sew.

So why do I still have The Bag of The Fabrics?

Replacing Baditude

When Daniel and I were first married, I sewed almost all my clothes and many of his. I tailored many pair of pants, a long wool coat, and a full suit (made from an exquisite silver-grey silk/wool herringbone.)

When our children were born, I sewed for them, amazingly detailed outfits. I took on contract sewing jobs for many years, dozens of glorious bridesmaid dresses.

Yes, I did “enjoy” sewing. But what I really sewed for were all the compliments. 

“You made this? It looks so professional!”

“Your attention to detail is amazing!”

As a Sanguine, I loved all the attention and approval my sewing projects brought me.

As a Choleric, I loved the sense of accomplishment when an outfit was finally done and being worn for the first time.

But what I really loved was escaping the consequences of my mistakes. Ripping out and re-sewing poorly-sewn seams. Doing and re-doing to my heart’s content. 

Sewing allowed me do-overs until I achieved perfection.

With God’s Word

On Day 4, I wrote about purity of motives. and the urge to “climb up on God’s throne and try to do HIS job.”

My urge to sew just one of these outfits reveals my continued drive to fix my own imperfections. On my own. 

To do and re-do until my heart’s content.

(Can't see image? Read 1 Corinthians 1:30 here!)

I am pure. Not because I try so hard. Not because I do and re-do until I get it just right. 

God declares me 

• united with Christ Jesus
• right with God
• pure and holy
• freed from sin

I need to let go of my desire to do...do...do...until I’ve “redeemed myself.”

I need to Let God be who only He is: my Redeemer.

And Gratitude

from my journal:

Today I’m praying…

...to relax.

...to rest.

...to quit trying so hard.

Today I’m watching for…

...someone with whom I can share God’s love through my attention.

...someone with whom I can share God’s grace through my approval.

...someone with whom I can share God’s freedom from achievement addiction.

Today I’m appreciating…

...the chance to practice saying “no” to something I could do but should not do.

...the reminder that Your approval and Your attention are all I need.

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Day 4: PURE (+ Reason Why #1)

Our Give-Away for Today!


How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take to Change a Person?—Bright Ideas for Delightful Transformation by Rhonda Rhea gets you powered up and ready for change. Author and speaker, Patsy Clairmont, calls the book “high voltage humor along with a biblical charge.”

In Ephesians 1:18, Paul prays, “that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened.” One version calls it “light” that will “flood your hearts.” God shines so much of His light through Scripture so that we can see—we can have understanding.

For every person longing for a change, for everyone who is getting weary in a grisly struggle to make a particular change, God-given enlightenment makes possible real change in every way. Lasting change. 

The God who is powerful enough to create light, then create the sun—the God who keeps the sun blazing and the stars and moon reflecting—that same God is powerful enough, caring enough, and detail-minded enough to light our way. He wants to show us the path of change, and He longs to light the way for us in His magnificent plan for our lives.

How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take to Change a Person? is a laugh-along-the-way journey into that light through God’s Word. His Word? Now there’s some enlightening! And I hear enlightening has even been known to strike twice in the same place.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, humor columnist, conference/event speaker and author of eight books. She is a pastor’s wife and mother of five mostly grown children. She chuckles through the hubbub with pastor/hubby, Richie Rhea, near St. Louis in Troy, Missouri.

Check out Rhonda's website, connect to Lightbulbs on Facebook, and to Rhonda on Facebook!

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A Driving Force

“You know, the one thing I see the most of, in myself, is this nagging predisposition to climb up on God's throne and try to do HIS job. Eeekk... Bad, I know! But really that's what all my baditudes boil down to: I think I can do better.” (Jacque)

Can I hear an “amen” chorus of conviction? 


I’ve been feeling a bit smug yesterday and today because driving is not an area of struggle for me. In fact, my issue is driving with people who have issues with other drivers!


I’ll be talking away, when suddenly, they cut me off mid-sentence (with no blinkers!) to say, “Did you see that?  Did you see that?”


And I feel like saying, “Do you hear yourself? Do you hear yourself?” 

Since I think interrupting someone you do know is far worse than having someone you don’t know cut in front of you, I can zoom from accusation to contempt–at least I’m not the kind of person who rudely interrupts for no reason–in a heartbeat. 


Because after all, when I’m in the driver’s seat, I think I can do better.

What Drives Us?

Many of us are starting to ask a really important question: Why do I complain?  What do I gain when I complain?


For the next five days, we’re going to examine 5 goals of complaining+, using the acronym G.R.I.P.E. 


G = Get Attention


How many of our conversations start with a complaint? 

• “Sorry I’m late; my kids just would not cooperate!”
• “How are you handling this heat?”
• “This line goes on forever!”
• “Wanna bet this meeting runs late...again?”

Complaining is a natural language for “connecting” with other people.


A friend asks, “How was your day?” and what naturally comes to mind? Those sensational frustrations!


As women, we often reinforce each other. A friend says, “My boss is such a…” and we reply, “Oh, that must be so hard for you!”


Instant empathy, instant connection.


My two “pet phrases” that I’m still working to eliminate are “Would you be-LIEVE?!? and “You would NOT be-LIEVE…”  


Both are classic Sanguine phrases to Get Attention and gain sympathy for my disappointment.

Who’s Doing the Driving? 

Can't view image? Click here to download 1 Corinthians 1:30)

Let’s check the purity of our motives.


When I’m in a hurry and accidentally cut you off in traffic, what do I want from you?  


Oh, I expect you to assume the best of me. Such a little mistake, so easy to overlook, so insignificant. 


But when you’re in a hurry and accidentally cut me off in traffic, what do I do to you?


I assume the worst possible motives, which I amplify, and then blow completely out of proportion.


When I’m doing the driving, I expect to receive compassion while handing out contempt. (A story about a speck and a plank comes to mind right about now!)

How can we ever have pure motives?

Jesus is ready and waiting.

But he will not use force.

Offer up the driver’s seat.

Hand over the keys to your heart.

And invite Him to do the driving.

Try this today: When you feel the urge to complain+, ask yourself, What's driving me? As you choose your response, ask yourself, Who's doing the driving?

(complaining+ = complaining, criticism, gossip, and sarcasm)

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Please leave a comment 

• responding to today’s blog, and/or

• sharing your Day #1-4 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or

• about anything else on your heart!

All drawings will be done this weekend once I'm back home!

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(Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)