Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!
.3 miles from home.Just .3 miles.
But Daniel was concentrating so hard on the cyclist that he failed to see the CHP parked on the side of the road.
Our drive had already been so full of unexpected traffic frustrations that his patience had long since expired; all he wanted to do was get home.
The officer was merciful; we got back on the road with a yellow invitation and Daniel’s driver’s license still in his possession.
And I took home a renewed confirmation that The PURSE-onality Challenge works, even under pressure.
A year ago, that ticket would have ruined the entire trip for me.
I would have been unable to think about the excellent performance of Hamlet we’d enjoyed the night before without ruing, “but then we got that awful ticket.”
I’d have been unable to recall our leisurely morning of MacBooks and chit-chat at Starbucks without deploring, “but then we got that stupid ticket.”
But this week, as I sat waiting for the officer to come to the window, I felt my heart sinking toward dread...and was able to stop it. (The sinking, not my heart!)
No, this wasn’t in the plan.
Yes, I was less-than-thrilled.
No, this wasn’t in the budget.
Yes, I knew Daniel would be less-than-easy-to-live-with for the rest of the day.
But I realized that I had a choice about the story I told myself.
I could tell the “this entire trip has now been ruined” story. And it would be true.
Or, I could tell the “95% of trip this has been great and need not be overshadowed by the bummer 5%.” And it would be true.
The Stories of Christmas Past
On Day 4, I wrote about holiday regrets: guilt and shame over things I did (or failed to do) in holidays past.
Today, I want to touch on the flip-side: the resentment and bitterness I harbor toward others for the discomfort they caused in holidays past.
For too many years, when I’ve thought of the holidays, I thought only of
- the hours and hours and hours it took to untangle the string of lights and find the one bulb that needed to be replaced so we could get on with decorating the tree
- the itchy long-sleeved high-necked wool dress I had to wear that made me squirm and flush for hours
- the arguments -- which started in loud English and moved into harsh German -- between Mother, Aunt Carrie, and Grandma when Grandma (as always!) insisted she didn’t need/want the gift they’d gotten her
- the boyfriend who broke up on me the day after Christmas (he said he would have done so earlier but “didn’t want to ruin Christmas”)
- the profanity-laced tirade unleashed on me and my toddlers when plans for Christmas Day did not go according to one family member’s preferences
Reading this list, you may –- as I have for years -– consider me petty and unforgiving. High-maintenance.
Well-meaning friends have told me to
- “Just stop focusing on the negatives!”
- “Just let it go.”
- “Just think about other things.”
- “Just forgive and forget.”
- “Just move on.”
Which I have tried, for years, and failed.
Which means I’ve approached each Christmas with ever-increasing dread of the inevitable memories and accompanying resentments.
I mean, what kind of person (let alone a so-called Christian!) ruins her own holidays by replaying old hurts instead of celebrating Christ’s birth?
A Highly Sensitive Person
One reason that The PURSE-onality Challenge has been such an important journey for me is that it’s given me tools that help me take responsibility for myself.
My highly-sensitive self.
Not “too sensitive.”
Not “overly emotional.”
Not “overly emotional.”
Not “unforgiving.”
Not “over-reactive.”
Not “over-reactive.”
Not “grudge-holding.”
Highly Sensitive at Christmas
I’ve been finishing Lysa Terkeurst’s book Made to Crave this week. And I had to chuckle at God’s impeccable timing as I read these words in chapter 18:
“If Mark were the only gospel where Jesus’ entrance to this world was mentioned, Christmas would look vastly different….Mark’s Christmas message:
Repentance....
Jesus whispers to me….I am calling you to repent.
This is the way you need to prepare for Christmas in your heart this year.”
All these years, I’ve been telling and re-telling myself stories guaranteed to make me miserable all throughout November and December.
As with most of my unhealthy habits, I've done so not out of stupidity or stubbornness.
I've done so out of a place of fear.
It was all I knew how to do.
This year, I have options.
This year, I can stay in a place of forgiveness.
He is so rich in kindness and grace
that he purchased our freedom
with the blood of his Son
and forgave our sins.
Ephesians 1:7 (NLT)
This year, I can choose to tell -- and live -- new stories.
- Stories about hours spent together in the kitchen and around the dining room table.
- Stories about laughing over old jokes and memories of old times.
- Stories about catching up with what's happening in everyone's lives and seeing pictures of the newest babies.
Stories about love and joy and peace.
And they will all be true.
Your Turn!
- What kinds of stories do you tend to tell yourself about the upcoming holidays?
- Do you tend to become overwhelmed by negativity or are you able to moderate your reaction to it?
- Are you a highly-sensitive person or do you know someone who is?
- Anything else on your heart!
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