Showing posts with label trying because. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trying because. Show all posts

The "Con-" Job on Women

If you're joining us from Karen Ehman's blog, WELCOME!  

 For a FREE copy of my eBook 10 Priceless Gifts that Don't Cost a Dime for Each PURSE-onality, head on over and "Like" my Facebook page!

 Although we just wrapped up October's "A Holiday-Ready Heart" Challenge, any day can be Day 1!  You'll find links to all the blog/vlog post here:  "Why Expectations are Always an EpicFail."


 During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays".

 This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  

 (If you're a parent, check out "Raising Kids to be Independent Adults: How to LET. THEM. GO." over at The M.O.M. Initiative!)

Bee-bee-bee-bee-beep!”

This is the 5th time the timer has gone off.

 The 5th time I’ve gotten up from my comfy chair in the living room to traipse into the kitchen to finally take the quiche out of the oven.

 Except each time, it hasn’t been quite done. So I’ve set the timer for 2 more minutes.

 Of course, I can’t just stand there, wasting two whole minutes. So I’ve come back to the living room just long enough to start a sentence, when...


Bee-bee-bee-bee-beep!”


The sound that can turn an auditory processor like me into a raving lunatic in mere seconds.

So I head into the kitchen yet again, hoping the quiche is done this time.
It Comes With the Territory

 Ironically, the sentence I’ve been trying to start for (well over!) 10 minutes is this:

 

“Hi, my name is Cheri, and I’m a control freak.”

 What can I say: I’m a Choleric.

My parents are both Cholerics.

 Jus' sayin’ I “come by it honestly” (as my dad puts it)!

 Of course, the Choleric’s explicit life goal is CONTROL. And everyone knows she’ll “lose it” if she doesn’t get it.

 But each PURSE-onality seeks control in her own way: Sanguines by charm, Melancholies by moods, and Phlegmatics by procrastination. (I’ll elaborate on these over the next couple of weeks!)

 As an obvious control freak, I’ve been anxiously awaiting the release of Karen Ehman’s book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith!
The Devil’s “Con-” Job

 I started reading it this weekend and was struck by Karen’s juxtaposition of “conscientious” and “controlling”:

 “There exists a minuscule line between being conscientious and being controlling. A marker so fine, we women cross it without even noticing that it’s stretched out right there in front of us, waiting to trip us up.”

 What starts out as con-cern...

 ...morphs into con-trol...

 ...which, unchecked, becomes con-tempt.

 Has the devil done a “con-” job on us women, or what?


LET. IT. GO.


Show me your ways, O LORD
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:4-5
[emphasis mine]


For the next couple of weeks, I'll be blogging my way through LET. IT. GO. 

 This humorous, yet spiritually practical book will help us learn how to control what we should, trust God with what we can’t, and more importantly, decide which one is which!


Karen Ehman, a recovering control freak, will equip us to:
  • Draw the line between mothering and micromanaging
  • Influence our husbands instead of manipulating them
  • Take control of our schedule yet welcome interruptions from God
  • Learn to control our emotions when we can’t control the circumstances
  • Stop pursuing the appearance of perfection and start pursuing the person of God


 Your Turn:

  • 
In what area of your life do you have the greatest struggle over control?
  • What overly-controlling thing would you go back and not do, if you could?
  • Anything else on your heart!

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Day 30: JOY (The Freedoms of Joy)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

...weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5 (NIV)
Trying Too Hard

In Christmases past, I've wasted so much time trying too hard to manufacture the "right conditions" to produce the "right responses":
  • decorating the house just right so that my guests will admire me.
  • buying the just right gifts so that their recipients will be grateful.
  • cooking all the right foods so that those who eat it will be happy.
  • planning the right family time so that we'll all feel connected.
But things always managed to go wrong.
  • The carrot noses disappeared from all my hand-crafted snow-people, ruining my decorating scheme. 
  • Certain people refused to even open their gifts or, if they did, insisted they didn't need what I'd so carefully selected.
  • Some item of food always sets of the smoke alarm and the meal was never ready on time.
  • At any given moment, someone was grouchy and someone was tired and someone was mad at someone and it could not possibly have been more obvious that we are four very different PURSE-onalities!
Joy is a Gift
Grieving, I'm finding, is a rebirth process that invites joy to flourish in the present.

When I'm not burdened by anxiety for the future or regrets from the past, I'm freed to live in the here and now.

I can receive each present moment as a gift.

I love the verb tense of the Christmas carol lyrics "Joy to the world the Lord is come."

It's in the present tense.  

The Lord is come!
Joy is a Choice

I used to try too hard so that other people would react the way I needed them to so that I could experience holiday joy.

But my experience of joy is not dependent on any other person.

I experience joy because Jesus is come. 

As I choose to focus on Jesus, I choose joy.
The Freedoms of Joy

When I choose Joy, I'm freed from trying too hard so that... Instead,
  • I can decorate my home because doing so is an outward expression of inner celebration ... whether or not the carrot noses are ever found. 
  • I can give gifts because of how much I've been given ... whether or not they're opened or appreciated "properly."
  • I can fix food because it's one way we celebrate the many ways God has provided ... regardless of whether the hot foods are hot or cold foods cold when served.
  • I can hang out with family because -- regardless of our moods -- we are recipients of and expressions of God's unfathomable love. 

No matter what the issues I've struggled with in holidays past, this year I am free to choose joy.

Instead of struggling so that..., I will celebrate because

The Lord is come!


Your Turn:
  • What does "joy" mean to you? How is it different from happiness? What causes you to experience joy? 
  • What types of "trying so hard so that..." has blocked your holiday joy in the past?  
  • Anything else on your heart!


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    Doing "So That" vs. Responding "Just Because"

    It's Warm-Up Week for October's PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart"!  Here's a handy checklist to make sure you're all ready. (And if you're a blogger, grab the button on the right, let me know you've added it to your site, and I'll add you to my blogroll!)

    This week's give-away is for The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. (It's a Gregory Family tradition to have Daniel read this aloud to us every Christmas Eve...and for him to choke up at the end!)  3 names will be drawn -- enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

    * * * * * 
    “I don’t want to feel pressured by anybody or myself (especially) to do anything that my heart truly isn’t into! I want to do holiday things because it is valuable to my spiritual heart. I want to do things with Jesus in mind. I want to have a desire to do things because my heart is in it, not because something is expected of me. 

    I am negative when I do things without checking in with my Lord first, to see if it is something He wants me to do. If it is something He wants me to do, and I don’t want to do it, then I ask Him to gently change my heart, so I want to do whatever it may be. 

    The holidays for me are wonderful and so much fun. But I get bogged down in all the DOING, and lose sight of my heart being in the right place as I am DOING. 

    Does that make sense?”  

     Ingrid


    Makes perfect sense to me!

    I’ve been a teacher and a pastor’s wife for almost a quarter of a century. 

    For me, December has meant DOING the school Christmas program.

    Then DOING the church Christmas program.

    Then DOING first semester grades before Christmas vacation started. 


    For ten years, I was a Sales Director for a direct sales company.

    Up to ½ of my yearly business happened in the last two months of the year. 

    So I was DOING as many home parties as possible.

    I was DOING daytime boutiques and fairs.

    I was DOING last-minute deliveries (often on Christmas Eve!)


    How I wish I’d been intentional about having a Holiday-Ready Heart when my children were young. 

    They witnessed me scurrying from here to there to somewhere else. I was DOING...
    • so that my employers would be impressed.
    • so that my students would make me look good.
    • so that church members would see me “doing my part.”
    • so that the company would reward me with money, recognition, and a trip to Hawaii.


    I wonder what those years would have been like if I’d been responding rather than doing.  Responding not so that but just
    • because of Jesus’ overwhelming love.
    • because of the God-given gifts and unique abilities of my students.
    • because I am part of the body of Christ.
    • because I had life-changing products to share.


    I know I can’t go back and change the past. 

    But I’m determined to learn from it. 

    Having “A Holiday-Ready Heart” means that I’m going to make very different holiday choices.

     Less doing.

     More responding.


    (I’m so done with “so that”!)


    Your Turn:

    • What "so that"s seem to drive holiday choices for you?
    • What "just because"s would you rather respond to?
    • Anything else on your heart!


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    TPC "lite": The ___ I've Tried to Be

    (Enter this week's drawings via Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post!)


    "Pet Stuff sounds" like an easy way to actually make progress.

    Sorting thru the contents of the basket that sits on top of Shatzi's crate:
    • the blue leash can go – I bought the pink one to match my pink running shirt when I was training for a marathon...back in November...
    • the collapsible bowl can go – She will drink from my hands but not the bowl. Go figure!
    • the toenail caps worked great for a couple of months. Then she figured out that she could gnaw them off. Last few times I spent hours putting them on, she had them all off in 15 minutes or less.
    • claw clippers must go – I traumatized both of us by drawing blood the first time I used them!
    • the black mitten will go – guaranteeing that its lost partner shows back up the next day!
    From the Laundry Room shelf:
    • hummingbird food – Oh yeah! I have a hummingbird feeder!
    • all-but-new dog toys – Shatzi does not play with toys. Never has. Based on her response to these two years ago, never will.
    • dog treats and knuckle bones – Oh yeah! I have dog treats and knuckle bones!
    From the white shelving unit by the back door:
    • pet wipes – What was I thinking?!? Did I really think these would keep me from having to actually bathe my Keeshond?
    • bark collar batteries – Clearly, I live in terror of running out! (If you've ever heard Shatzi on a barking jag, you know this fear is 100% rational!)
    • heart worm medication – Wow. Those three little envelopes represent $100+ worth of pills that I wussed out on making my cats swallow. Quick lecture to self: If I can't/won't do it, I need to (a) decline heart worm medication or (b) commit to taking the cats the vet for the initial dose and 3 weeks later for the follow-up dose. 
    All done!  Well, that wasn't too bad! 
    A nice, rational little lesson about the heart worm medication...no "baditude" to worry about today!
    The bookshelves.
    No. I don't have to face the bookshelves. This is "Pet Stuff" day!
    The dog books.
    The dog books?
    Not the dog books.
    (More like the dog books shelf...)
    I'd dreamed of owning a Keeshond since I read the book Gabriel in 3rd grade. 
    After visiting a Reading Education Assistance Dogs demonstration in early 2005, I knew that I would finally get my Keeshond and we would train to become a R.E.A.D. dog team!  For the first six months, everything was on track. She went to school with me every day, socializing with all the students from K through 8th grade. We attended puppy classes at PetSmart. I bought all the books and joined all the clubs. (As a Sanguine, I love starting and joining!)
    But then in June of 2006, we moved to a new school with new rules: No dogs in classrooms. Period. I petitioned the safety committee, giving illustrated information about therapy dogs. But due to previous biting incidents and insurance issues, and my request was declined. 
    I could not bring Shatzi to work with me. She could not interact with people throughout the day. Our training came to a screeching halt.
    That was five years ago. 
    Replacing Baditude
    Okay, so I have a bit of "batitude" toward the school rule. I'd really hoped an exception could be made for a loving on-leash dog wearing a "Therapy Dog In Training" vest. 
    But I do understand that sometimes the easiest way to minimize costs is to just say "no" to risk. So I'm not bitter. Just disappointed.
    Now, what's with the books?  The shelf of dog books?  After five years, why are they still here?
    Is it stubbornness? 
    No.
    Not just stubbornness.
    I've loved imagining Shatzi and me spending afternoons in convalescent homes with lonely Alzheimer's patients stroking her silky fur and smiling at long-lost memories. 
    Never mind that I hate convalescent homes, anything that is even vaguely hospital-ish.
    Never mind that if I really wanted to visit Alzheimer's patients I could start by visiting my own mother regularly.
    The dog books don't represent stubbornness.
    They represent my old nemesis:

    fear.
    I am terrified of losing my fantasy self: the wonderful teacher who models service to her students by taking them to visit the elderly while accompanied by her beautiful fluffy dog and wearing a swishy floral skirt from Coldwater Creek.
    If I give up the books, how will I ever be the wonderful teacher I've tried so hard for so long to become?
    With God’s Word
    On Day 3, I wrote about the difference between trying so that...and trying because.
    Hoarding these books tells me that I really don't trust that God knows what He's doing in my life. I act like I need these books as tools for trying so that I can become the "wonderful teacher" of my fantasies.
    (Can't see the image? Read Colossians 2:10 right here!)


    I am complete. Whether or not anyone thinks I'm a "wonderful" ______ (teacher, spouse, parent, friend, child, sibling, speaker, writer...)
    I need to let go of my tools for trying so that I can become complete. 
    And I need to Let God's truth–that I am already complete in Him–be my because for trying. 
    And Gratitude

    from my journal:
    Today I’m praying…
    • that I'll recognize other “stuff” I hang onto as tools for trying so that…
    • for presence enjoy the everyday ordinaries with my furry family members.
    • to try hard – to play full out in my real life – because I am complete in You.
    Today I’m watching for…
    • opportunities to laugh and experience joy because of Your creatures.
    • ways in which you demonstrate Your unconditional love through the faithfulness and loyalty of my pets.

    Today I’m appreciating…
    • Shatzi, Tally, Dusty, and Rafiki (especially since they’re all sleeping right now!)
    • Your refuge and strength as I struggle against fear to let go of the “stuff” and the fantasies and the idealized version of myself.
    • Your patience with me as I keep “discovering” that all I need to do Let You be Your amazing Self in my life.


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