The One Daily Control Question

During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays".

This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  

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Today's post comes to you as a vlog (below) and blog (scroll down further)!

(Can't see the video? Click here to view "The One Daily Control Question" via YouTube!

A quarter-of-a-century ago, I did something unthinkable.

It was our senior year of college. My husband had interviewed for ministerial positions, and he had gotten a call.

Then, the days passed and the weeks passed and then the months passed with no word about where Daniel would be placed.

I got to the point that I was done nagging: I’d been pushing Daniel to call and find out, and he kept saying we needed to wait.

I’d had it. 

I had some opportunities to interview for teaching positions, and I knew that the doors were going to start shutting for me. 

I had prayed.  

I had read the Bible. 

And that was it. 

In my immature brain, I decided it was time for me to take action.

The Unthinkable

I called my husband’s new boss.

Now, I thought about this last week while I was driving, and I almost had to pull over, I was cringing and twitching so much! 

I can’t believe the “nerve”?  the arrogance?   I can’t believe that I dialed the phone, talked to the secretary, and insisted on talking with my husband’s boss!

And  explained to him (very matter of factly!) that we needed to know which church Daniel was going to be placed at so that I could get a teaching job in the area.

As if he had no idea...as if he didn’t know his own job...as if he’d never worked with a young pastor and his wife before!

He said to me -- in a soothing voice that irritated me beyond words! -- something that just made me want to scream because it sounded so cliche and condescending

“Little Lady, God is still on his throne.”

Why I Did the Unthinkable

This whole conversation came to mind as I was reading LET. IT. GO. 

Karen talks about the two major reasons why we women can become such control freaks.

1.  We want to feel indispensable.

2.  We want to get our own way.

We don’t really trust God. 

Oh, we believe in God. We know all about his wonderful characteristics and mighty acts. We know he is patient, loving, forgiving, powerful, ever near, always faithful. Why, he is perfect!

We may even read on the pages  of our Bibles about men and women who trusted him with amazing results. But we doubt he’ll really repeat this in our suburban, modern, everyday lives. We intellectually believe he does what is best for the world in general, but practically we behave as if in our own individual situations, we still know what’s best.

Boy, do I resonate with this!

My Way-too-High “CQ”

At the end of the chapter, she has a Control Quotient Quiz. I took it, and if I was honest -- answering the questions not as the version of myself that I wish I was or think I’m headed toward but really am today -- I got a 44 out of 50!

Which Karen says means, “Control-freak alert! Your strength has developed into a weakness and sent others running for cover. Time to stop tweaking and stat trusting before all your friends and family scatter for good, and you end up a prisoner of your own pushy self.”

It took me years to grasp the wisdom of that simple statement my husband’s boss made.  

And it’s become one of my favorite encouragements, now.

God is still on his throne.

Yesterday, I talked about the devil’s “con-” game on women:  concern becomes control which can then turn into contempt. 

God offers something that’s not a “con”...something that satisfies my heart in a way no amount of perceived control ever can: 

God offers contentment. 

The question is whether I will trust Him and make Him indispensable in my life. Whether I want Him to have His way in my life.

If I trust Him, then I will take to heart and put into action what he says in Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,”

declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future.”

The One Question

The one control question today -- and every day! -- is 

Who’s on the throne?

Am I going to fight for control as if it’s my way or the highway? Or am I going to remember:  

God is still on His throne!

Your Turn:

• 
What's something "unthinkable" you've done for the sake of perceived control that now makes you twitch and cringe?

• Do you struggle more with (1) Being indispensable or (2) Wanting to get your own way?

• Anything else on your heart!


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If you're joining us from Karen Ehman's blog, WELCOME!  

For a FREE copy of my eBook 10 Priceless Gifts that Don't Cost a Dime for Each PURSE-onality, head on over and "Like" my Facebook page!

Although we just wrapped up October's "A Holiday-Ready Heart" Challenge, any day can be Day 1!  You'll find links to all the blog/vlog post here:  "Why Expectations are Always an EpicFail."

If you're a parent, you might also enjoy my interview with Karen "Raising Kids to be Independent Adults: How to LET. THEM. GO." over at The M.O.M. Initiative!

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a Rafflecopter giveaway

The "Con-" Job on Women

If you're joining us from Karen Ehman's blog, WELCOME!  

For a FREE copy of my eBook 10 Priceless Gifts that Don't Cost a Dime for Each PURSE-onality, head on over and "Like" my Facebook page!

Although we just wrapped up October's "A Holiday-Ready Heart" Challenge, any day can be Day 1!  You'll find links to all the blog/vlog post here:  "Why Expectations are Always an EpicFail."

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During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays".

This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  

(If you're a parent, check out "Raising Kids to be Independent Adults: How to LET. THEM. GO." over at The M.O.M. Initiative!)

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Bee-bee-bee-bee-beep!”

This is the 5th time the timer has gone off.

The 5th time I’ve gotten up from my comfy chair in the living room to traipse into the kitchen to finally take the quiche out of the oven.

Except each time, it hasn’t been quite done. So I’ve set the timer for 2 more minutes.

Of course, I can’t just stand there, wasting two whole minutes. So I’ve come back to the living room just long enough to start a sentence, when...

Bee-bee-bee-bee-beep!”

The sound that can turn an auditory processor like me into a raving lunatic in mere seconds.

So I head into the kitchen yet again, hoping the quiche is done this time.


It Comes With the Territory

Ironically, the sentence I’ve been trying to start for (well over!) 10 minutes is this:



“Hi, my name is Cheri, and I’m a control freak.”

What can I say: I’m a Choleric.

My parents are both Cholerics.

Jus' sayin’ I “come by it honestly” (as my dad puts it)!

Of course, the Choleric’s explicit life goal is CONTROL. And everyone knows she’ll “lose it” if she doesn’t get it.

But each PURSE-onality seeks control in her own way: Sanguines by charm, Melancholies by moods, and Phlegmatics by procrastination. (I’ll elaborate on these over the next couple of weeks!)

As an obvious control freak, I’ve been anxiously awaiting the release of Karen Ehman’s book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith!


The Devil’s “Con-” Job

I started reading it this weekend and was struck by Karen’s juxtaposition of “conscientious” and “controlling”:

“There exists a minuscule line between being conscientious and being controlling. A marker so fine, we women cross it without even noticing that it’s stretched out right there in front of us, waiting to trip us up.”

What starts out as con-cern...

...morphs into con-trol...

...which, unchecked, becomes con-tempt.

Has the devil done a “con-” job on us women, or what?

LET. IT. GO.

Show me your ways, O LORD

teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4-5

[emphasis mine]

For the next couple of weeks, I'll be blogging my way through LET. IT. GO. 

This humorous, yet spiritually practical book will help us learn how to control what we should, trust God with what we can’t, and more importantly, decide which one is which!

Karen Ehman, a recovering control freak, will equip us to:

• Draw the line between mothering and micromanaging

• Influence our husbands instead of manipulating them

• Take control of our schedule yet welcome interruptions from God

• Learn to control our emotions when we can’t control the circumstances

• Stop pursuing the appearance of perfection and start pursuing the person of God

Your Turn:

• 
In what area of your life do you have the greatest struggle over control?

• What overly-controlling thing would you go back and not do, if you could?

• Anything else on your heart!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Day 14: TRUST

Our Give-Away for Today!

Thunder Dog: The True Story of a Blind Man, His Guide Dog, and the Triumph of Trust at Ground Zero

This New York Times Best Seller is the story of a man blind from birth who triumphed over adversity throughout his life. His hard won survival skills and his feisty can-do spirit prepared him to survive the World Trade Center attacks in a 78-story stairwell descent with his guide dog, Roselle. 

Michael’s blindness didn’t stop him from shocking the neighbors by riding his bicycle through the streets of Palmdale, California as a child. On September 11, his blindness became an asset as he helped others during the worst terrorist attack ever on American soil.

Yet, there’s more. “The real story, in my mind, isn’t how I got out of the World Trade Center,” said Michael. “It’s how I got there in the first place.”

Susy Flory grew up on the back of a quarter horse in Northern California, spent time as a journalist and high school teacher, then in 2004 started writing full time for publications such as Focus on the Family, Guideposts Books, In Touch, Praise & Coffee, Today’s Christian, and Today’s Christian Woman.

Susy is the author or co-author of four books, including So Long Status Quo: What I Learned From the Women Who Changed the World and Dog Tales: Inspirational Stories of Humor, Adventure, and Devotion. Check out her website and find her on Facebook!

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I’ve been looking forward to today. Finally a topic on which I'm an expert!

For all the dozens of issues I struggle with (and I’ll try to say this modestly), I do not have trust issues.

Not me!

I trust people to mess up. Every time.

(Okay, okay, I’m switching my bracelet!) 

MY Way or…

In her blog post “I Know Things Should Be Done a Certain Way,” Patty Newbold describes an engaged woman who has a hard time trusting her fiance: “One of the things that makes it difficult to trust him is that, as she puts it, ‘[I] know things should be done a certain way to get them done correctly.’ 

Ah, don't we all? 

Our definition of 'correctly' is one of our most gigantic impediments to knowing we are loved, respected, and cared for.”

Meddlesome Me

In January, the Holy Spirit decided I was ready to be whacked up-side the head with (yet another) a unflattering truth about myself:  

I  meddle.

After taking some painful (but long over-due!) steps to extract my over-involved self from key areas of my almost 21-year-old daughter’s life, I quickly discovered hers wasn’t the only life I was trying to run.

I meddle in my husband’s life.

Waaaay more than I realized.

Don't “Help” Me!

The oh-so-risky prayer –“Lord, open my eyes to what I’m doing that needs to change!” – had scarcely left my lips when it was answered.

Daniel came home from Safeway, beaming with pride. He’d grabbed the grocery list off the refrigerator and done the shopping for me. 

“Now you don’t have to do it!” he said, no doubt hoping for a positive response. 

Perhaps, oh, gratitude.

As in “I can’t believe I have such a thoughtful husband that he sacrifices his own time to bear one of my burdens!” followed by a hug.

But no.

Not me!

I wasn’t grateful.

I was mad that he’d gone without telling me. He’d robbed of my right to make sure he did it right!

Counting the Cost

I scanned the receipt (which he’d left on my desk rather than doing what he preferred–shoving in his shirt pocket and forgetting!) searching for evidence to build my case.

Ah-HA!

Just as I suspected.

“Oh no,” I gasped, “You paid $5.99 for the blah-blahs? Blah-blahs are only $3.49 at Target!  And you bought eight blah-blahs for $2.50 too much each?”

If Daniel’s face fell, which I’m sure it did, I didn’t see it.

I was too busy proving – once again! – that having my way is more important to me than receiving (or giving) love, respect, and care.

The Value of Trust

8 x $2.50 = $20.00.

Nothing to sneeze at.

But trust me: my response was not motivated by a Spirit conviction about stewardship. 

If anything, I was feeling guilty for spending $… er … an undisclosed amount at Starbucks that same week. (Let’s just say I had to squint hard to see around the beam in my eye and focus on the specks on that receipt.)

I also know that marriage counseling costs way more than $20.00. 

And – thanks to a counselor who pointed out to me over a year ago, “Isn’t it amazing how he still tries to make you happy after 25 years?” – I know Daniel is God’s greatest earthly blessing in my life. 

When I meddle in his choices, I lose so much more than $20.00. 

I throw away a priceless gift that can be mine for the cost of silence: trust.

Miss-Trust = Love-Less

From Patty again: “While you tap your toe, impatiently waiting for [the other person] to adopt your standards instead of noticing how his or her standards make your life better in some other way, you miss out on love.

...Your expectation that [the other person will always meet your standards] is premeditated resentment.

The thing you need to learn to trust [the other person] will do is love you. That's a lot easier when you grow aware of the ways he or she shows love that have nothing at all to do with what you think you know about the certain way things should be done.”

Note: I’m not talking about staying in an abusive relationship. I’m not talking about being a doormat to someone who consistently betrays trust on moral issues.

I am talking about daily ordinaries – like the Safeway receipt – over which I can choose between “righteous” indignation...

...or acceptance and compassion for the heart my husband is offering me.

(And, yes, amazement that after 25 years, he’s still trying to make me happy!)

Trust 

(Can't see the image?  Click here to download Isaiah 26:3-4)

To paraphrase Patty, I’m finding that my definition of “correctly” is one of my most gigantic impediments to knowing I am loved and cared for by God.

My focus needs to be on God.

Not me!

The more I let go of my beliefs “about the certain ways things should be done”…the more I “grow aware of the ways [He] shows love.”

Trust Him.

(Not me!)

Try This Today: Add "Meddling" to the Challenge, just for today. (Notice any connection between unnecessary meddling and complaining, criticizing, gossiping, and/or sarcasm?)

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To enter today’s drawing, leave a comment 

• responding to today’s blog, and/or

• sharing your Day #1-14 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or

• about anything else on your heart!

Drawing winners 6-10 will be announced soon!

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(Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)