Dear God-Sized Dreamers (+ Book Give-Away)!

I'm working on a blog series about the strengths & struggles of being a "more-sensitive-than-most" Christian woman. I'd LOVE to hear and include your perspective, so I'll be doing some short surveys.  e-mail me if you'd like to be included. Or sign up here: http://eepurl.com/vVfE1

---

Dear God-sized Dreamers:

I know what it’s like to dream.

I also know what it’s like to decide that the dream will never ever come true.

• To think I dreamed too big.
• To conclude that God must be teaching me humility.
• To stop trying so the disappointment will quit hurting (...quite so much.)

I wrote my first book when I was 2 years old!

Okay, so I dictated it to my “publisher” (my mom) and provided the illustrations. But I dreamed, deep down, of someday writing a real book.

During my elementary years, I wrote dozens of stories and “novels.”  During high school, I kept dozens of detailed journals.

When I was 23, I attended my very first writer’s conference.  I returned home and got to work, sending out queries which led to requests which turned into my first published (and paid for!) articles!

Then, life got hard.

• Jonathon came early.
• Daniel’s father passed away suddenly.
• Marriage required more than either of us had to give.
• Teaching consumed our lives.

I quit writing.

Oh, I still attended occasional writers’ conferences, but all I took with me was the dream that someday, I would write a real book.

No query or one-sheet or business card. I still couldn’t bring myself to write. In fact, I became convinced that I had no right to write.

I knew the truth about me: that I was a lousy mother, a rotten wife, and a terrible teacher. Nobody would ever read what I wrote, even if I did write it down. And even if they did, they would mock me for thinking I had anything worth saying.

Then came the breaking point when I gave up and told God I couldn’t do it any more and offered Him a year to do whatever He wanted with me.

During that year, more than a decade ago, healing began.

• I started writing again, this time to reflect on what God was teaching me. To record, in permanent ink, His goodness and faithfulness.
• I wrote out my testimony for the very first time, drawing from my high school journals as I shared my inner thoughts as a teenager sinking in the depths of an eating disorder.
• As my mother’s Alzheimer’s progressed, I began exploring our relationship through poetry.

One year ago, I attended a women’s retreat where I met Andrea Coli, our MC for the weekend, whose book about what improv taught her about God led to my first solo performance.

That solo performance sparked a book title which turned into a book proposal which became a book contract.

After half my lifetime, my dream of writing a real book is actually coming true!

But the book isn’t the best part.

The best part is looking back and seeing oh-so-clearly that none of the time has been wasted.

That this book would not have been possible 23 years ago...or even 3 years ago.

That God has led, dragged, and carried me through all the challenging years so that I am ready to write this book at this time.

Yes, I know what it’s like to dream.

And I now know that the book (or whatever your dream happens to be) isn’t the best part of having the dream come true.

The best part is the work God is currently doing-–right now, today, this very minute!–-in your life to ready you for the fulfillment of His dream.

His dream for you and through you.

And when that dream comes true, as wonderful as it may be, the best part will be the God-sized story that comes with it!

This week, I'm giving away a copy of Holley Gerth's new book You're Made for a God-Sized Dream. To enter, simply leave a comment here on the blog!

Your Turn:

• What dream(s) have you had that have come true?
• What dreams are you still waiting and working on?
• What has God taught you in the God-sized dream process?

The Quilt that Letting Go Built

When Jonathon was 7, he was totally into Monopoly. I went on eBay and found a Monopoly clock, Monopoly mug, and then struck the Monopoly motherload: Monopoly fabric!

I bought enough to make a quilt, pillows, and curtains. I signed up for a quilt-making class. I even cut a lot of the fabric into strips. Sewed some of them into T shapes.

And then–-as is so typical for my Sanguine/Expressive personality–-I ran out of steam.

I got bored.

More specifically, I became discouraged by all the attention to detail required. I didn’t want details; I wanted a quilt!

So, I set the project aside. Then bagged it up. Eventually stored it in the garage.

For 10 years.

When I pulled out the box that held the bag that held all that Monopoly fabric in December 2010, my heart took a fantastical leap, and I thought, “I can finish this now…or this summer…or next year!”

But I was under extreme conviction that my habit of “storing stuff” was not good stewardship. Especially since I’d just discovered that a gorgeous cut of camel-and-cream wool/silk blend I’d bought (10 years prior!) to make Daniel a long coat had been ruined by mice.

So I took photos of the Monopoly fabric and posted them on Facebook with the notice:

“Free to good home.”

The parent of a student responded immediately. Not only was she an avid quilter, but her name was Sherry, too!  She offered to take, and promised to use, all my quilting fabric and supplies.

And then–-as is so typical for my Sanguine/Expressive personality–-I forgot all about the fabric. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m an idea gal, a starter, so I was on to new projects.

Two years later, Sherry blessed me with photos of the quilt I started more than a decade ago, and she so lovingly and carefully finished last month:

It looks better than I even imagined!

She’s given it to a family member who was thrilled to receive it and adores having it.

And what a gift she’s given me: confirmation that letting go frees me from my bondage to stuff and frees someone else to enjoy using it.

Your Turn:

• Have you ever given “stuff” away and discovered what a blessing it was (a) to be rid of it and (b) to know it was blessing someone else?

• I’ve been slowly letting go of fabric, books, and scrapping supplies. How about you?

• What’s one area in your home that would be so much easier to clean, organize, and/or live in if you could just remove (and perhaps permanently relocate) some of the “stuff”?

---

Coming in February!

Click here --> to sign up

to receive Cheri's FREE eBook when it releases!

---

Looking for a simple way to keep scripture close at hand?

Click HERE for full details!

31 laminated cards in an organza draw-string bag...

images and word spacing designed to enhance memory

The Solution to All-or-Nothing Parenting

During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays". This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  

---

I'd LOVE your input on the cover and title of my upcoming eBook based on May's The PURSE-onality Challenge!  If you take this short survey, the final question invites you to leave your name & e-mail address so I can send you a FREE copy of the eBook when it's done!

---

LET. IT. GO.

In Chapter 5 of LET. IT. GO. -- “Domestic Director or Tin-Pot Dictator?” -- Karen describes her last encounter with a parenting program that was popular when she was a new parent. 

Adhering to the rigid rules of “the book,” a friend whipped her own 4-year-old daughter for a minor offense until the child’s thighs were bright red. 

“I’d never felt so sick in all my life,” Karen reflects. “I never read the rest of the book.”

“All” or “Nothing” Parenting

Reading this brought back a memory I’ve not thought about for close to twenty years. 

I was visiting a friend who followed a similar parenting program. In front of me, she slapped her less-than-one-year-old’s hands until the child cried. My friend then said, “That’s what I wanted to hear.”  

The child’s offense? Touching the food on the plate in front of her before she was given permission.

I was so dismayed, I cried the whole way home.  

In retrospect, I see how much I allowed a single incident to confirm my already leniency-leaning parenting style. 

Horrified by what I considered over-correction, I committed to err on the side of what I considered mercy. 

I was determined not to be a heavy-handed parent. I did not want to hear my children cry! 

In fact, I couldn’t stand to hear my children cry. 

• Or express sadness. 

• Or experience disappointment. 

• Or feel frustration.

In my zeal to avoid being an “I-will-weild-all-the-control” parent, I turned into an “I-will-allow-nothing-to-cause-pain” parent.  

Which is really just the flip side of the coin.

And comes with its own set of issues. 

(See "No Rescue Needed: Necessary Pain & Disappointment" and "Pain and Disappointment: What's Necessary & What's Not")

Surrendered Parenting

The problem with the “all” approach to parenting is that it’s parent-centric.  The problem with the “nothing” approach is that it’s child-centric. And any approach centered on the needs of fallible people is guaranteed to be greatly flawed.

I am very late in discovering a surrendered approach to parenting (& marriage & life, to be honest!)

My children are about to turn 20 and 22. 

My list of “I wish I had”s is long. 

• I wish I had “grown up” before having children.

• I wish I had found a Godly mentor when my children were younger.

• I wish I had made my relationship with God my #1 priority, far above my marriage, my children, and my job.

(And these are just for starters!)

But I can’t go back. 

So I’m committed to…

• surrendering my expectations of my children and inviting God to replace them with His hope-filled vision for them.

• surrendering my fickle emotion-based “love” for my children and trusting God to truly love them far more, and far better, than I ever have or possibly can.

• surrendering the easy routes of over-involvement in my children’s lives or denial that there’s anything wrong, and committing myself to praying without ceasing for them both.

• surrendering my natural, knee-jerk reactions and seeking God’s guidance when responding to them, especially when emotions (hers, his, mine, or all of ours!) are escalating.

• surrendering my tendency to judge my personal self-worth based on how well my children are "turning out,” and basing my identity soley on who God says I am in Him.

Find rest, O my soul,

in God alone;

my hope comes from Him.

Psalm 62:5

Do you have my FREE eBook:  

Top 10 Priceless Gifts for Each PURSE-onality that Don't Cost a Dime?

(If not, click the link above; it's free when you sign up for my newsletter!)

Your Turn:

• What kind of parent do you tend to be:  all or nothing? Has this been a matter of choice or habit?   (If you're not a parent, what kind of relator do you tend to be?)

• What parenting books and/or programs have you found helpful as a parent?  (If you're not a parent, what relationship books and/or programs have you found helpful as a maturing person?)

• What kind of mentor(s) do you have as a parent?  (If you're not a parent, what kind of mentor(s) do you have for life?)

• Anything else on your heart!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas (Part 1)

During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays".

This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  

“How’d the meeting go?” Daniel asks, thoughtfully remembering that I've had a lunch gathering with some colleagues.

“It was a complete and total DISASTER!” I say.

Daniel patiently hears my frustration, disappointment, and -- mostly -- confusion. 

All afternoon I try to figure out: 

What went wrong?

Six hours later, I’ve figured out four classic Choleric errors that contributed to the mess-up of the meeting. 

Faux-Pas #1:  Failure to Clarify the Goals and Agenda of the Meeting

I arrived ready to problem-solve.

I kept bringing us back “on task” and pushing us to “make progress.”

Now, if we’d all been in agreement that this was why we’d gotten together, this would have been appropriate. 

However, we weren't. 

At least one person needed to be heard and feel validated. I cut her off several times when I felt “we” were getting off track. And I made clarifying comments that she could easily have interpreted as dismissive.

Another person tried to smooth things over and change direction, but by then, I was frustrated. So I disengaged completely from the conversation.

No matter how much I want to justify my behavior as reasonable “under the circumstances,” the truth -- unflattering though it may be! -- is that I frustrated one colleague and disrespected another.   

Both could have been prevented if I’d started the meeting by asking, “What are we trying to do together here today?  Make decisions? Discuss options? Express concerns?  Seek solutions?”

Faux-Pas #2:  Failure to Make Sure My Energy Needs Were Met

Cholerics don’t have a problem with time-management; we’re used to getting a lot done in short periods of time. We’re super-duper efficient. 

But we often fail to recognize our struggles with energy-management.

Today’s meeting started at 12:30 PM, and my last meal had been at 7:00 AM. I was shaky from hunger. 

I’d not brought a water bottle to class with me, so I was dehydrated and headachy.

The night before, I’d stayed up ‘til 11:30 PM working on grades...2 full hours later than I normally go to bed...and yet I'd still gotten up with my 5:20 AM alarm. I was sleep-deprived.

I’d just spent 3 straight hours teaching teenagers in the library rather than my own classroom because of repair work being done. I’d had to move all my materials into the library, set everything up...then take it all back down and put it all away. I was spent.

So even before the meeting started, I was physically and emotionally depleted.

That morning, I had put a slice of quiche in a Tupperware, but I’d left it at home. My water bottle was empty. And I’d carelessly run late, so I’d been scrambling from the moment I arrived at school ‘til the meeting began.

Had I been proactive about food, water, sleep, and preparedness, I would have had far greater energy reserves going into the meeting.

(I'll share Faux Pas #3 & #4 in Part 2!)

(P.S. / Part 3: "The Worst 5th Control-Freak Mistake We Don't HAVE to Make"!)

LET. IT. GO.

My copy of LET. IT. GO. arrived today!  I found this section so appealing after such a gone-wrong day:

We can learn to practice the secret cheer of contentment: Let it go!  

As a result…

• our nerves will be calmed.

• our stress levels will deflate.

• our tasks will be less about work and more about worship.

• our decisions will become easier. 

• we will experience more joy and less worry.

• past experiences will begin to make sense.

• our present will seem more doable.

• our future will actually begin to come into focus.

Life becomes not about self but all about the Savior.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:6-7

Your Turn:

• How have conflicting agendas triggered control issues in your conversations?

• What role might hunger, thirst, and fatigue play in your own control issues?

• Anything else on your heart!

a Rafflecopter giveaway