This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.
“It was a complete and total DISASTER!” I say.
Daniel patiently hears my frustration, disappointment, and -- mostly -- confusion.
All afternoon I try to figure out:
What went wrong?
What went wrong?
Six hours later, I’ve figured out four classic Choleric errors that contributed to the mess-up of the meeting.
Faux-Pas #1: Failure to Clarify the Goals and Agenda of the Meeting
I arrived ready to problem-solve.
I kept bringing us back “on task” and pushing us to “make progress.”
Now, if we’d all been in agreement that this was why we’d gotten together, this would have been appropriate.
However, we weren't.
At least one person needed to be heard and feel validated. I cut her off several times when I felt “we” were getting off track. And I made clarifying comments that she could easily have interpreted as dismissive.
Another person tried to smooth things over and change direction, but by then, I was frustrated. So I disengaged completely from the conversation.
No matter how much I want to justify my behavior as reasonable “under the circumstances,” the truth -- unflattering though it may be! -- is that I frustrated one colleague and disrespected another.
Both could have been prevented if I’d started the meeting by asking, “What are we trying to do together here today? Make decisions? Discuss options? Express concerns? Seek solutions?”
Faux-Pas #2: Failure to Make Sure My Energy Needs Were Met
Cholerics don’t have a problem with time-management; we’re used to getting a lot done in short periods of time. We’re super-duper efficient.
But we often fail to recognize our struggles with energy-management.
Today’s meeting started at 12:30 PM, and my last meal had been at 7:00 AM. I was shaky from hunger.
I’d not brought a water bottle to class with me, so I was dehydrated and headachy.
The night before, I’d stayed up ‘til 11:30 PM working on grades...2 full hours later than I normally go to bed...and yet I'd still gotten up with my 5:20 AM alarm. I was sleep-deprived.
I’d just spent 3 straight hours teaching teenagers in the library rather than my own classroom because of repair work being done. I’d had to move all my materials into the library, set everything up...then take it all back down and put it all away. I was spent.
So even before the meeting started, I was physically and emotionally depleted.
That morning, I had put a slice of quiche in a Tupperware, but I’d left it at home. My water bottle was empty. And I’d carelessly run late, so I’d been scrambling from the moment I arrived at school ‘til the meeting began.
Had I been proactive about food, water, sleep, and preparedness, I would have had far greater energy reserves going into the meeting.
Had I been proactive about food, water, sleep, and preparedness, I would have had far greater energy reserves going into the meeting.
(I'll share Faux Pas #3 & #4 in Part 2!)
(P.S. / Part 3: "The Worst 5th Control-Freak Mistake We Don't HAVE to Make"!)
My copy of LET. IT. GO. arrived today! I found this section so appealing after such a gone-wrong day:
We can learn to practice the secret cheer of contentment: Let it go!
As a result…
- our nerves will be calmed.
- our stress levels will deflate.
- our tasks will be less about work and more about worship.
- our decisions will become easier.
- we will experience more joy and less worry.
- past experiences will begin to make sense.
- our present will seem more doable.
- our future will actually begin to come into focus.
Life becomes not about self but all about the Savior.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7
Your Turn:
- How have conflicting agendas triggered control issues in your conversations?
- What role might hunger, thirst, and fatigue play in your own control issues?
- Anything else on your heart!
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