Doing "So That" vs. Responding "Just Because"

It's Warm-Up Week for October's PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart"!  Here's a handy checklist to make sure you're all ready. (And if you're a blogger, grab the button on the right, let me know you've added it to your site, and I'll add you to my blogroll!)

This week's give-away is for The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. (It's a Gregory Family tradition to have Daniel read this aloud to us every Christmas Eve...and for him to choke up at the end!)  3 names will be drawn -- enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

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“I don’t want to feel pressured by anybody or myself (especially) to do anything that my heart truly isn’t into! I want to do holiday things because it is valuable to my spiritual heart. I want to do things with Jesus in mind. I want to have a desire to do things because my heart is in it, not because something is expected of me. 

I am negative when I do things without checking in with my Lord first, to see if it is something He wants me to do. If it is something He wants me to do, and I don’t want to do it, then I ask Him to gently change my heart, so I want to do whatever it may be. 

The holidays for me are wonderful and so much fun. But I get bogged down in all the DOING, and lose sight of my heart being in the right place as I am DOING. 

Does that make sense?”  

Ingrid

Makes perfect sense to me!

I’ve been a teacher and a pastor’s wife for almost a quarter of a century. 

For me, December has meant DOING the school Christmas program.

Then DOING the church Christmas program.

Then DOING first semester grades before Christmas vacation started. 

For ten years, I was a Sales Director for a direct sales company.

Up to ½ of my yearly business happened in the last two months of the year. 

So I was DOING as many home parties as possible.

I was DOING daytime boutiques and fairs.

I was DOING last-minute deliveries (often on Christmas Eve!)

How I wish I’d been intentional about having a Holiday-Ready Heart when my children were young. 

They witnessed me scurrying from here to there to somewhere else. I was DOING...

• so that my employers would be impressed.

• so that my students would make me look good.

• so that church members would see me “doing my part.”

• so that the company would reward me with money, recognition, and a trip to Hawaii.

I wonder what those years would have been like if I’d been responding rather than doing.  Responding not so that but just

• because of Jesus’ overwhelming love.

• because of the God-given gifts and unique abilities of my students.

• because I am part of the body of Christ.

• because I had life-changing products to share.

I know I can’t go back and change the past. 

But I’m determined to learn from it. 

Having “A Holiday-Ready Heart” means that I’m going to make very different holiday choices.

Less doing.

More responding.

Just because.

(I’m so done with “so that”!)

Your Turn:

• What "so that"s seem to drive holiday choices for you?

• What "just because"s would you rather respond to?

• Anything else on your heart!

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How I Avoid Pain by Doing "This"..."Now"

"(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week!  You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

"When we realize there are no easy solutions to real living, we try to anesthetize ourselves. We try to fashion a life with the least amount of pain....

Some of us organize ourselves into corners and negotiate impossible to-do lists. [Or] we try to control people, placing high hurdles in their paths and holding them to standards they can never attain. [Or] we try to perfect ourselves, thinking that if we can patch ourselves up with self-improvement books and breathing exercises we will lessen the pain of real living."

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

I Long to be All New and Improved

At a women’s retreat last year, I spent prayerful time journaling in response to the question:  

What “fig leaves” do I hide behind?

At the top of my list were “starting” and “joining.”  New projects. New businesses. New groups. New causes. 

Why do I love starting and joining?

Each time is a a chance at a “new me”! A whole new I.D. 

Oh, how I’ve always longed for a fresh start! To be brand new and squeaky clean. So I’ve jumped at every chance for do-it-myself re-NEW-al.  

Of course, D.I.Y. has never worked. God says, “I will make all things new!” He will renew me.  I can not renew me.  I. AM. NOT. GOD.

“Self-Help” is a Joke (With No Punch Line)

I was reminded of this when a student asked me, as I was opening a box from Amazon and delighting in my latest self-help book, “Mrs. G, why do you read so many of those kinds of books?”  

Glibly, I quipped, “Well, I just have so much room for growth!”

But later, in moments of quiet reflection, I had to admit that even my beloved books are, far too often, “fig leaves” behind which I hide.

Trying to minimize my sin. 

Trying to be “good enough” by my own efforts.

Trying to Do It [all by] Myself.

Unpacking questions #5 and #6 today:

These questions can be reflective: "Why did I do that then?"and speculative: "Why will I do what when?"

5)  Why am I doing THIS now? 

This is an priority question. Of all the things I could be doing, is this the best use of my time and energy?

I have hundreds of interests, and I love starting new things. So "whatever thy hand findeth to do" is a dangerous concept, because my hands find many things to do! 

Recently, Daniel and I agreed to spend the evening hours hanging out together. Then I started catching up on Facebook and laughing at all the funny photos my friends have posted.  I kept 5-more-minuting my husband until I finally stopped and asked, "Why am I doing this now?"

I had a wonderful date just waiting to happen yet I was frittering my time on Facebook?  Time to re-prioritize, pronto!

This week, I'm teaching my students the four time quadrants from Steven Covey's book First Things First. I want them practice responding to God's call on their lives, not keep getting stuck in Deception and Waste!

And, truth be told, if I'm going to be an authentic teacher, I need to spend a week tracking my time in 15-minute intervals to see what "this"es are really getting my attention.

  

6)  Why am I doing this NOW?  

This is a timing question. Is now the best time for me to focus on "this" or could/should it wait?

Back in January, I excitedly dove into writing a book proposal. I was overwhelmed with urgency because a window of opportunity had finally opened: an agent I'd love to attract was suddenly accepting new queries.  

But several hours in, I had to ask, "Why am I doing this now?...When I need to be finishing my grading? Revising my retreat talks?  exercising?  lesson planning?  napping?"

I hit "Save" and calendared the book proposal for June. It was a "this" I was called to do, just not now [in January.]  Once June rolled around, I pulled up the file, and the evidence of God's timing started showing up all over the place! We're almost done with a proposal that absolutely could not have come together prior to June. 

Asking "Why am I doing this now?" help me realize that I had enough on my plate. And it gave the project the time it needed to mature more fully. 

We love new ideas. 

New ideas give us something "all new" to organize, control, and perfect. We get to escape all the disappointments of past projects that failed and throw myself into the blissful new one.

But we need to recognize this "starting"/"joining" drive for the pain-avoidance tactic that it is.

We need to ask God for guidance with each "this" and every "now" in our lives.

And be ready to do what and when He leads.

Your Turn:

• Do you struggle more with priority ("this") or timing ("now") issues?

• What might be different in your life if you asked God regularly if "this" is what He wants you to do "now"?

• Anything else on your heart!

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The Fig Leaves of Doing, Doing, and More Doing

(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week!  You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

"God is calling out to Adam. You can almost hear him. 'Hey, Adam! Where are you?'

I don't think that Adam and Eve were the best hide-and-seekers of all time. Obviously God knows they are cowering behind the oak trees. Why does he ask Adam where he is? ... Maybe he wants Adam to realize what he is doing and why he is doing it."

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

Staff meeting ended on a grim note today. 

For the first time in the six years I've been teaching here, our enrollment is seriously under budget. 

Gasp-and-clutch-your-chest under budget.

Expenses must be cut immediately. And we all know that "expenses" is code for "staff members." 

I immediately started brainstorming Plans B, C, D, E...all the way down to ZZ. 

• I'll start eBay auctions to raise money for student scholarships.

• I'll sell my car and put the money away for if/when our jobs are cut.

• I'll write an e-book and sell a zillion copies for 99 cents each. 

• I'll...

• I'll...

I'll elaborate, ironically enough, on questions #3 and #4 today:

(My favorite thing about these six questions?  They're so easy to remember!)

Why am I doing this now? 

This is an identity question. Is this something only I can do?  

Or am I doing it because I have a need to meddle?

Last school year, this question was very helpful when I needed PowerPoint slides to publicize the a local poetry contest to our students. I was about to spend an hour creating it myself when I asked, "Why am I doing this?" and realized the only answer I could come up with was "Because I'm a control freak!" which is no longer an acceptable answer. 

(Not that it ever should have been an acceptable answer, but that's the topic of a whole 'nother blog post!) 

I then asked, "Is this something only I can do?" to which the answer was clearly, "No!"

So I delegated it to my student worker, Annika, who did a beautiful job. As a prize-winner in last year's competition, she was the ideal person for the task!

Now, as throw myself into rescue-my-school-and-my-family mode, I must ask:  Is this something only I can do?

And the answer is, once again, "No!"  

I can not rescue my school. I can not rescue my family. That's up to the God who founded both.

Why am I doing this now? 

This is a process question. Is doing the right step for this project right now?  

Or should I be researching? Analyzing? Reflecting? Conferencing? Seeking counsel? Praying? Waiting? Backing away?  

Earlier this summer, I got stuck on a writing project that I was trying to plow through in a day. Finally asking "Why am I doing this now?" I realized that I simply was not ready to write, to be in the "doing" phase. I needed to spend more time clarifying the assignment and then brainstorming. I felt such relief when I pulled out of "doing" mode!

Today, I know the answer to "Why am I doing this now?" is "because doing makes me feel better when my world is crashing down around me. Doing gives me the illusion of control!"

God is calling out, "Where are you?" 

He knows where we are, and he knows what we're doing.

He's calling us out of our favorite hiding place, where we are doing, doing, doing. 

He's inviting us to quit hiding behind doing. 

To seek refuge in Him.

To trust in His strength.

To be still.

And to know that He is God.

Your Turn:

• When have you failed to ask "Why am I doing this now?" and ended up wishing that you had?

• What forms of doing do you tend to hide behind?

• For what situation in your life do you need to quit hiding in self and, instead, start taking refuge in Him?

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