Q4U: Where's the Line between Faking It & Making It?

For several months, now, I've had a Post-It note floating around with these words, scribbled in the wee hours of the morning:

"We're told to 'Fake it 'til you make it!' But what if you never 'make it'?"

I had no idea what to make of that question until yesterday, when I read these Facebook status updates by my friend Shonna Dalusong:

"Cluttered heart = cluttered calendar, cluttered priorities, cluttered relationships, cluttered home. Is there clutter in your life?"

"I grew up holding onto 'stuff' for 'just in case.' It hit me today how much self-sufficiency is in that. If I have everything I need at any time to solve any problem or provide for any of my needs, where does trust and God-sufficiency come in?"

And I thought back to several clutter-related blog posts

• "Stop Buying to Become" which I wrote just before Christmas

• "Trapped by the Trappings", a guest post by Katy McKenna that has greatly unsettled me

• "Stewardship vs. Storing Stuff" which I wrote 2 years ago

Then it hit me:  

When I "fake it 'til I make it"  -- but never actually "make it" -- I'm just a faker.

A poser.

A wannabe.

So of course I'm going to fill my nothingness with clutter!

I desperately need the trappings of success, or at least progress, so that everyone will think I'm real.

My stuff serves as evidence that I'm still "making it."


FITYMA Has Its Place

I'm not bashing the "fake it 'til you make it" concept. 

I remember all-too-clearly the sheer panic I felt when Annemarie and I were discharged from the hospital on March 26, 1991. 

I felt like telling the nurses, "You're making a huge mistake!  I've never even babysat let alone changed a diaper! I have no clue what to do with this baby once you hand her over to me!"

Eight hours after we got home, I frantically called the hospital to speak to a nurse because Annemarie had slept the entire time, and I didn't know how to wake her up...or even if I should.

No doubt about it: sometimes, "fake it 'til you make it" is the only MO available.

The Line Between My Life & My Lie

But today I'm asking myself:  Where's the line?  

How can I tell when my purpose has shifted from working hard at actually "making it" to just the continuation of "faking it"?

How do I recognize when, as Katy put it, the gathering of my trappings completely replaces my original goal...and even deceives me into believing I'm achieving my true goal? 


No Easy Answers

I'd love to wrap this blog post up with eight easy answers, but no can do. 

This is all too new.

I've got a lot of prayer, silence and solitude, and scripture searching to do before I try to offer up any wisdom. 

This feels big, at least for me. 

WAY big. 

Way bigger than let's-just-clean-out-the-unused-pet-paraphenalia cupboard. 

• More like question-every-book-on-my-shelves big. 

• More like what-if-my-clutter-is-my-cherished-sin big. 

• More like search-me-Oh-God-and-know-my-heart big.

What Do You Think?

So I'll close for today by inviting you to share your thoughts and experiences.

• How do you know when you've crossed the line between "Making It" and "Faking It"?

• When can you tell that the trappings have overtaken your original goal?

• Anything else on your heart!

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The Fig Leaves of Doing, Doing, and More Doing

(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week!  You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

"God is calling out to Adam. You can almost hear him. 'Hey, Adam! Where are you?'

I don't think that Adam and Eve were the best hide-and-seekers of all time. Obviously God knows they are cowering behind the oak trees. Why does he ask Adam where he is? ... Maybe he wants Adam to realize what he is doing and why he is doing it."

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

Staff meeting ended on a grim note today. 

For the first time in the six years I've been teaching here, our enrollment is seriously under budget. 

Gasp-and-clutch-your-chest under budget.

Expenses must be cut immediately. And we all know that "expenses" is code for "staff members." 

I immediately started brainstorming Plans B, C, D, E...all the way down to ZZ. 

• I'll start eBay auctions to raise money for student scholarships.

• I'll sell my car and put the money away for if/when our jobs are cut.

• I'll write an e-book and sell a zillion copies for 99 cents each. 

• I'll...

• I'll...

I'll elaborate, ironically enough, on questions #3 and #4 today:

(My favorite thing about these six questions?  They're so easy to remember!)

Why am I doing this now? 

This is an identity question. Is this something only I can do?  

Or am I doing it because I have a need to meddle?

Last school year, this question was very helpful when I needed PowerPoint slides to publicize the a local poetry contest to our students. I was about to spend an hour creating it myself when I asked, "Why am I doing this?" and realized the only answer I could come up with was "Because I'm a control freak!" which is no longer an acceptable answer. 

(Not that it ever should have been an acceptable answer, but that's the topic of a whole 'nother blog post!) 

I then asked, "Is this something only I can do?" to which the answer was clearly, "No!"

So I delegated it to my student worker, Annika, who did a beautiful job. As a prize-winner in last year's competition, she was the ideal person for the task!

Now, as throw myself into rescue-my-school-and-my-family mode, I must ask:  Is this something only I can do?

And the answer is, once again, "No!"  

I can not rescue my school. I can not rescue my family. That's up to the God who founded both.

Why am I doing this now? 

This is a process question. Is doing the right step for this project right now?  

Or should I be researching? Analyzing? Reflecting? Conferencing? Seeking counsel? Praying? Waiting? Backing away?  

Earlier this summer, I got stuck on a writing project that I was trying to plow through in a day. Finally asking "Why am I doing this now?" I realized that I simply was not ready to write, to be in the "doing" phase. I needed to spend more time clarifying the assignment and then brainstorming. I felt such relief when I pulled out of "doing" mode!

Today, I know the answer to "Why am I doing this now?" is "because doing makes me feel better when my world is crashing down around me. Doing gives me the illusion of control!"

God is calling out, "Where are you?" 

He knows where we are, and he knows what we're doing.

He's calling us out of our favorite hiding place, where we are doing, doing, doing. 

He's inviting us to quit hiding behind doing. 

To seek refuge in Him.

To trust in His strength.

To be still.

And to know that He is God.

Your Turn:

• When have you failed to ask "Why am I doing this now?" and ended up wishing that you had?

• What forms of doing do you tend to hide behind?

• For what situation in your life do you need to quit hiding in self and, instead, start taking refuge in Him?

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