Q4U: Where's the Line between Faking It & Making It?

For several months, now, I've had a Post-It note floating around with these words, scribbled in the wee hours of the morning:

"We're told to 'Fake it 'til you make it!' But what if you never 'make it'?"

I had no idea what to make of that question until yesterday, when I read these Facebook status updates by my friend Shonna Dalusong:

"Cluttered heart = cluttered calendar, cluttered priorities, cluttered relationships, cluttered home. Is there clutter in your life?"

"I grew up holding onto 'stuff' for 'just in case.' It hit me today how much self-sufficiency is in that. If I have everything I need at any time to solve any problem or provide for any of my needs, where does trust and God-sufficiency come in?"

And I thought back to several clutter-related blog posts

• "Stop Buying to Become" which I wrote just before Christmas

• "Trapped by the Trappings", a guest post by Katy McKenna that has greatly unsettled me

• "Stewardship vs. Storing Stuff" which I wrote 2 years ago

Then it hit me:  

When I "fake it 'til I make it"  -- but never actually "make it" -- I'm just a faker.

A poser.

A wannabe.

So of course I'm going to fill my nothingness with clutter!

I desperately need the trappings of success, or at least progress, so that everyone will think I'm real.

My stuff serves as evidence that I'm still "making it."


FITYMA Has Its Place

I'm not bashing the "fake it 'til you make it" concept. 

I remember all-too-clearly the sheer panic I felt when Annemarie and I were discharged from the hospital on March 26, 1991. 

I felt like telling the nurses, "You're making a huge mistake!  I've never even babysat let alone changed a diaper! I have no clue what to do with this baby once you hand her over to me!"

Eight hours after we got home, I frantically called the hospital to speak to a nurse because Annemarie had slept the entire time, and I didn't know how to wake her up...or even if I should.

No doubt about it: sometimes, "fake it 'til you make it" is the only MO available.

The Line Between My Life & My Lie

But today I'm asking myself:  Where's the line?  

How can I tell when my purpose has shifted from working hard at actually "making it" to just the continuation of "faking it"?

How do I recognize when, as Katy put it, the gathering of my trappings completely replaces my original goal...and even deceives me into believing I'm achieving my true goal? 


No Easy Answers

I'd love to wrap this blog post up with eight easy answers, but no can do. 

This is all too new.

I've got a lot of prayer, silence and solitude, and scripture searching to do before I try to offer up any wisdom. 

This feels big, at least for me. 

WAY big. 

Way bigger than let's-just-clean-out-the-unused-pet-paraphenalia cupboard. 

• More like question-every-book-on-my-shelves big. 

• More like what-if-my-clutter-is-my-cherished-sin big. 

• More like search-me-Oh-God-and-know-my-heart big.

What Do You Think?

So I'll close for today by inviting you to share your thoughts and experiences.

• How do you know when you've crossed the line between "Making It" and "Faking It"?

• When can you tell that the trappings have overtaken your original goal?

• Anything else on your heart!

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No Mask Needed

Tomorrow, I leave for the She Speaks Conference. Thanks to the amazing women of Proverbs 31 Ministries, my experience of preparing for this conference has been unlike any other.

I’ve been to many writers’ and speakers’ conferences. 

Some emphasized having our pitches and proposals perfectly prepared and polished. Others urged proper outer appearance, resulting in multiple shopping trips to find just the right outfits and–of course!–matching shoes. 

In the weeks and days leading up to each one, I’d stay up later and later each night, working harder and harder to be “ready.” By my departure date, I was always sick, grouchy, and beating up on myself for everything I’d failed to do.

She Speaks has been so different! 

“Spend far more time in prayer than any other form of preparation,” we’ve been urged from the start. And this isn’t just talk; Sheila prayed for me over the phone when I called to tell her my publisher appointment preferences!

“Don’t go shopping for new clothes!” we’ve been told. “Pull from your closets and borrow from friends.”  There’s even a huge clothing swap happening the first night, with leftovers going to a women’s shelter!

“Start in scripture and let God speak; don’t go looking for verses to support what you think you’re going to say.” This advice was especially hard for me to take, as it meant tossing out several great ideas and spending months with no idea what I was going to do for my 5-minute evaluation talk!

Until last Thursday morning, that is, when I was re-reading a Bible story I’ve taught, preached on, and written about. Sure enough, the Holy Spirit has been waiting all along to show me something totally new that I’m so excited to share!

What does any of this have to do with “taking off the mask”? 

Simply this: I feel safe.

For once, I’m not preparing out of fear. 

I’m not trying to be someone I’m not or even pretending to be more than I am.

I’m going to be my get-it-done Choleric + fun-loving Sanguine self.

No mask needed!

Your Turn:

Have you ever prepared for an event out of fear rather than anticipation? What external causes led to the fear?

Have you ever prepared for an event at which you knew you'd feel safe and be able to be yourself? What made you feel this way?