Back Home from a Healthy and Hope-filled Trip

Sorry for the silence around here. I'd planned to blog daily while on the road but chose to rest instead. 


This was by far the healthiest trip I've ever taken. I adjusted to Eastern time during the week prior to leaving so that I was alert at fully present during all meetings (vs. exhausted and desperate to get to bed.)  


I exercised each morning, keeping my chronic pain issues to a minimum (vs. major back pain from being crammed in a plane seat and then sitting in meetings all day.) 


I felt admiration and excitement for the other women and their amazing ideas, insights, projects, gifts, and talents. 


But I can honestly say that I did not feel envy. 


Which is huge, as jealousy has been a life-long battle for me...alway accompanied by a barrage of negative comparative self-talk about how my clothes, shoes, hair, make-up, face, body, nails, voice, gestures, etc. don't "measure up" to someone else's.


For once, I did not want to be anyone else or even "be just like" anyone else. 


The more excited I got for other women, the more excited I got about just being me.


And did I ever learn a TON about how to become the woman God is calling me to be!

(Image altered to respect others' privacy.)

One of the most memorable moments for me was in the prayer room at She Speaks. I was profoundly moved to find which name of God held my name. 


I had expected to be reminded of my past and focused on all the work I need to be doing in my present to "fix" my past. 


Instead, I was reminded that God knows my past, He has taken care of my past, and I am free to enjoy what He's creating in my present!


I keep hearing and experiencing Romans 15:13:  

May the God of hope 

fill you with all joy and peace 

as you trust in Him

that you may overflow with hope 

by the power of the Holy Spirit."

No Mask Needed

Tomorrow, I leave for the She Speaks Conference. Thanks to the amazing women of Proverbs 31 Ministries, my experience of preparing for this conference has been unlike any other.

I’ve been to many writers’ and speakers’ conferences. 

Some emphasized having our pitches and proposals perfectly prepared and polished. Others urged proper outer appearance, resulting in multiple shopping trips to find just the right outfits and–of course!–matching shoes. 

In the weeks and days leading up to each one, I’d stay up later and later each night, working harder and harder to be “ready.” By my departure date, I was always sick, grouchy, and beating up on myself for everything I’d failed to do.

She Speaks has been so different! 

“Spend far more time in prayer than any other form of preparation,” we’ve been urged from the start. And this isn’t just talk; Sheila prayed for me over the phone when I called to tell her my publisher appointment preferences!

“Don’t go shopping for new clothes!” we’ve been told. “Pull from your closets and borrow from friends.”  There’s even a huge clothing swap happening the first night, with leftovers going to a women’s shelter!

“Start in scripture and let God speak; don’t go looking for verses to support what you think you’re going to say.” This advice was especially hard for me to take, as it meant tossing out several great ideas and spending months with no idea what I was going to do for my 5-minute evaluation talk!

Until last Thursday morning, that is, when I was re-reading a Bible story I’ve taught, preached on, and written about. Sure enough, the Holy Spirit has been waiting all along to show me something totally new that I’m so excited to share!

What does any of this have to do with “taking off the mask”? 

Simply this: I feel safe.

For once, I’m not preparing out of fear. 

I’m not trying to be someone I’m not or even pretending to be more than I am.

I’m going to be my get-it-done Choleric + fun-loving Sanguine self.

No mask needed!

Your Turn:

Have you ever prepared for an event out of fear rather than anticipation? What external causes led to the fear?

Have you ever prepared for an event at which you knew you'd feel safe and be able to be yourself? What made you feel this way?

Wrestling with Perfectionism

If you participated in May's The PURSE-onality Challenge, I'd sure appreciate your feedback via this TPC Feedback Survey! 

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Last week, I discussed “Perfectionism” as a mask, one which Sanguines are most prone to wearing when their God-given PURSE-onality is not nurtured.

I promised that I’d follow-up with a Part 2 about “taking off the masks.” You may have noticed that this post didn’t show up on Monday morning.

That’s because my Melancholy “mask” has been wrestling with my Sanguine self for several days.

Why?

I’m leaving for the She Speaks Conference this week. 

For months, now, I’ve been excited yet relaxed, faithfully preparing but not stressing.

Until last weekend.

I have meetings with editors at She Speaks, and I’ve been preparing a specific book proposal. Last Friday, something happened that makes it no longer necessary for me to pitch this project. I can’t give details, but it’s a positive “something”!

I should be thrilled, right? Excited that God is opening doors!

Nope.

I started fretting about my appointments.  

Should I keep them?  Should I cancel them?  If I keep them, what will I pitch?  I could create some one-sheets for some other book concepts...but I don’t have time to make them perfect! 

I was working myself up into a frenzy of worry when I realized: Cheri, you are being silly! 

Here I’d received good news, and I was letting it distress me!  

I decided to spend the weekend praying about the appointments. By Sunday night, I felt impressed to keep the appointments and simply enjoy them.  (What a concept!)

Ahhh, much better.  Sanguine self is back on track, focused on fun!

Right?

Until I started packing. 

You can’t wear that to a meeting with an editor. Nobody will take you seriously. What on earth were you thinking when you bought that? You need to go shopping for some real clothes. 

This kind of back-and-forth has been going on about the talks I’m giving (as part of the speaker track), which suitcase to use (to check or carry on), what shoes to take (open-toes or closed).

You name it, it’s been my Perfectionistic Melancholy mask vs. Sanguine me, duking it out!

For once, though, I recognize what’s happening. I’m not skilled enough to completely prevent it, but at least I’m putting a stop to it. 

Perfectionism is trying to spoil my fun. It’s trying to convince me that I need to try harder to make the exact right decisions. 

If you don’t, it tells me, the world will end and nobody will like you ever again.

I’m not buying it this time. 

Nobody cares whether I wear plum or teal on Friday. I’m not even taking both so I can switch part-way through the day in case I make the "wrong" choice. I’m packing plum because right now I think it’ll be more fun.

And on Friday, I’m going to make sure it is!

"He rescued me 

because He deLIGHTed in me."

Psalm 18:19

(my life verse)

(Tomorrow I really will write about “taking off the mask”!)

Your Turn

I'd love to hear your thoughts about "masking"...or getting stressed out by Perfectionism...or anything else on your mind or heart!