Day 2: CHOSEN – Making Right Holiday Choices

Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)
Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)

“I feel lonely during the holidays.”

“I feel as if ‘everyone else’ is together and having so much fun.”

“This Christmas will be the first since the separation /divorce, so I won’t be going to some gatherings (but have to make sure the kids get to them).”

Feeling Left Out

Nobody likes feeling left out.

Our extroverted Sanguines love being the center of attention and Cholerics like orchestrating the action. 

And while our introverted Melancholies and Phlegmatics tend to be drained by people rather than energized, they don’t want to be excluded. They like to be invited, to have the option to decline or to come for a while and then leave when they’re ready.

We want to be wanted.

We need to be needed.

We long to be chosen.

And the good news is:  We already are!

Already Chosen

I am chosen by God: past tense, continuing indefinitely!

I don’t need to ask, “Has God really chosen me?”

He’s made it crystal clear:

“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. 

I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, 

so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, 

using my name.” 

John 15:16

But I do need to ask:  Have I chosen God or have I chosen me?

My answer will be evident in my attitudes and actions.

Choosing the Right Gifts

I love choosing gifts.

I browse catalogs year-round, imagining how much fun it’ll be to watch (for example) my daughter’s face as she opens a gift I’ve picked out just for her.

“Where did you get this?” she’ll gasp in amazement.

“That’s my secret!” I’ll reply smugly. “I saw it and thought of you.”

I’m intentional as I choose gifts, matching a unique item with the special person who will appreciate it most. 

Choosing the Right Attitudes

Sadly, I’m not nearly as care-full about choosing my attitude.

Instead of gauging whether my current state of mind will bless or curse others, I take a one-size-fits-all approach: 

Everyone gets the same “baditude,” like it or not. 

And I don’t even include a gift receipt in case they want to return it!

That's what happens when I choose me.

Choosing the Right Actions

Jesus tells me clearly what kind of “lasting fruit” my attitude and actions will bear when I choose Him:  

I will choose to love others.

Even though each PURSE-onality makes this challenging in their own way:

• Sanguine enthusiasm can inundate.

• Choleric accomplishment can intimidate.

• Melancholy precision can frustrate.

• Phlegmatic calm can irritate.

But I will choose to love others, because I am chosen.

And I won’t dwell on whether others choose me, because I am chosen.

The Greatest Gift

The lyrics to a well-known Christmas song ask, “So what can I give Him?"

The answer:  “I'll give Him my heart.”

It’s a good answer. 

But what might “I’ll give Him my heart” look like, in action, during the upcoming days and weeks?

When I need to love others who make themselves hard to love? those who choose not to choose me?

I will try whispering, “Happy Birthday, Jesus.” 

And because I am chosen, give His love to those I can not love on my own...and to those who choose not to choose me.

I’ll give Him my heart by choosing Him rather than me.

I don’t need to choose me.

He already has.

Your Turn:

• Do you find it hard to love a particular PURSE-onality? Which one and why?

• How might mentally preparing to pray "Happy Birthday, Jesus" when you encounter challenging people during the holidays make a difference for you?

• Anything on your heart!

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Grace for the Good Girl: I Don't Know How NOT To

August 1-14, I'll be blogging as I read through Emily Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl. Each week, I'll give away a free copy of her book! Enter via the Rafflecopter here.

(I've just gotten home from a week of travel; I'll catch up with comments and e-mails over the next few days!)

“I perform so you will like me. I perform so you will think I’m okay. I perform because it’s comfortable. I perform to prove my worth to you, to God, and to myself. I perform because I don’t know how not to.”

Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl

All I Know How to Do, Part 1: Kathi

"I don't want to be the hardest-working person you know any more," I told Kathi in January.

"Cheri, I mean ‘hardest-working’ as a compliment!" she assured me.

"Oh, I know you do," I said. "And for all these years, I've considered it the highest praise. But now I'm realizing that you were praising me for–and I was even feeling good about–achieving a goal I don't even value."

"Huh?"

I sighed. 

"I've never wanted to be the hardest-working person anyone knows. I'd far rather be the most creative...the funniest...the quirkiest...pretty much anything other than the hardest-working!"

"Then why do you work so hard?" Kathi asked, looking confused.

"Because it's all I know how to do," I said, feeling dumb. "I get started and keep working and never know when to stop. I don't know how to tell if I've done enough. So I just keep working harder and harder."

"Even though you don't really want to?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. All this time, I thought you really liked working really hard."

All I Know How to Do, Part 2: Annemarie

"So would you believe that Kathi thought I actually liked being the 'hardest working person' she knows?" I told my 21-year-old daughter, Annemarie, as we were driving to the mall later that afternoon.

"Uhhh, yeah," she responded, looking confused.

Her, too?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean that you seem to really like working hard–really hard–all the time," Annemarie said.

"I do?" I asked.

"Yeah."

All I Know How to Do, Part 3: Daniel

That night, as we climbed into bed, I asked Daniel, "So, would you believe that Annemarie thinks I actually enjoy working hard all the time?" 

"Of course," he said, "you do. You're always working. That's what makes you such a good teacher. I could never work as hard as you. I don't care enough to sacrifice the way you do."

Et tu, Brute? 

I Don’t Want to Any More

Talking to Kathi, Daniel, and Annemarie, felt like I was re-living the scene from Megamind in which Megamind tells his side-kick 

"Maybe I don't want to be the bad guy any more!"

Minion steps back in horror and gasps 

"Who. Are. You?"

Just Too Sensitive

Yesterday, I shared the “definition” of criticism that I’ve held for far too many years. While some items on the list have some merit in some situations, the list mostly serves as proof of what I’ve been told my entire life: 

“Cheri, you’re just too sensitive*.”

Along with the “too sensitive” label came this accusation:

“You’re choosing to feel this way. If you really wanted to, you would change.”

Choosing Requires Choices

For me, this “You’re CHOOSING to be TOO sensitive; otherwise you would CHANGE overnight” reasoning has been a source of extreme shame. 

On the surface, it’s sounded so logical. 

But I finally started wondering:  How can I choose something different when I don’t know any other alternatives?

Until there’s more than one option, I’m not choosing!

I’ve performed this way, I’ve worked this hard, and I’ve been this sensitive because it’s all I've known how to do. And I've truly not know how not to.

“To the Jews who had believed him, 
Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, 
you are really my disciples. 
Then you will know the truth, 
and the truth will set you free....
Very truly I tell you, 
everyone who sins is a slave to sin.... 
So if the Son sets you free, 
you will be free indeed.” 

John 8:31-32, 34, 36

For me right now, free means that I finally see the truth: I have many options and alternatives available.. 

I don't have to keep doing all I've ever known how to do.

And I can learn how not to! 

(*  ⅔ of the 300+ women who took the Women Trying to Measure Up survey in June have heard "You're just too sensitive!" regularly, which surprised me. I, of course, thought it was “just me”!)

Your Turn!

• How do those closest to you perceive you?  Is this a perception you like or would rather change?

• In what aspect(s) of your life do you feel like you aren't choosing because you don't see any choices other than the one you're already making?

• Anything else on your heart!

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Wrestling with Perfectionism

If you participated in May's The PURSE-onality Challenge, I'd sure appreciate your feedback via this TPC Feedback Survey! 

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Last week, I discussed “Perfectionism” as a mask, one which Sanguines are most prone to wearing when their God-given PURSE-onality is not nurtured.

I promised that I’d follow-up with a Part 2 about “taking off the masks.” You may have noticed that this post didn’t show up on Monday morning.

That’s because my Melancholy “mask” has been wrestling with my Sanguine self for several days.

Why?

I’m leaving for the She Speaks Conference this week. 

For months, now, I’ve been excited yet relaxed, faithfully preparing but not stressing.

Until last weekend.

I have meetings with editors at She Speaks, and I’ve been preparing a specific book proposal. Last Friday, something happened that makes it no longer necessary for me to pitch this project. I can’t give details, but it’s a positive “something”!

I should be thrilled, right? Excited that God is opening doors!

Nope.

I started fretting about my appointments.  

Should I keep them?  Should I cancel them?  If I keep them, what will I pitch?  I could create some one-sheets for some other book concepts...but I don’t have time to make them perfect! 

I was working myself up into a frenzy of worry when I realized: Cheri, you are being silly! 

Here I’d received good news, and I was letting it distress me!  

I decided to spend the weekend praying about the appointments. By Sunday night, I felt impressed to keep the appointments and simply enjoy them.  (What a concept!)

Ahhh, much better.  Sanguine self is back on track, focused on fun!

Right?

Until I started packing. 

You can’t wear that to a meeting with an editor. Nobody will take you seriously. What on earth were you thinking when you bought that? You need to go shopping for some real clothes. 

This kind of back-and-forth has been going on about the talks I’m giving (as part of the speaker track), which suitcase to use (to check or carry on), what shoes to take (open-toes or closed).

You name it, it’s been my Perfectionistic Melancholy mask vs. Sanguine me, duking it out!

For once, though, I recognize what’s happening. I’m not skilled enough to completely prevent it, but at least I’m putting a stop to it. 

Perfectionism is trying to spoil my fun. It’s trying to convince me that I need to try harder to make the exact right decisions. 

If you don’t, it tells me, the world will end and nobody will like you ever again.

I’m not buying it this time. 

Nobody cares whether I wear plum or teal on Friday. I’m not even taking both so I can switch part-way through the day in case I make the "wrong" choice. I’m packing plum because right now I think it’ll be more fun.

And on Friday, I’m going to make sure it is!

"He rescued me 

because He deLIGHTed in me."

Psalm 18:19

(my life verse)

(Tomorrow I really will write about “taking off the mask”!)

Your Turn

I'd love to hear your thoughts about "masking"...or getting stressed out by Perfectionism...or anything else on your mind or heart!