What Does "A Holiday-Ready Heart" Mean?

It's Warm-Up Week for October's PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart"!  Here's a handy checklist to make sure you're all ready.

This week's give-away is for The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. (It's a Gregory Family tradition to have Daniel read this aloud to us every Christmas Eve...and for him to choke up at the end!)  3 names will be drawn -- enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

I'm stepping waaaay out of my comfort zone with a vlog today. If you don't have time to watch or listen, no worries: the basic points are here in the blog. (But if you'd like to see me try to fend off Rafiki five separate times or hear my dog scratch at non-existant fleas, by all means, have I got a show for you!)

(If you can't view the video, click here to access "What Do I Mean by 'A Holiday-Ready Heart'?" on YouTube directly.)


I put on my “A Holiday-Ready Heart” bracelet yesterday, and wondered, “What do I even mean by “holiday-ready”?  

Is this just like doing May all over again, trying to be “complaint-free” for a month?

Or is it something more?

Family Road Trip

Then our family of four piled into the car for a trip from which only Daniel and I returned home. Yes, it’s that time of year again: our fourth year of taking Annemarie to college and second for Jonathon. 

It felt good to be a bit of a veteran. No “first time” jitters. No “we want it to be just right” expectations. Just the hope of a safe trip, smooth move-ins, and minimal traffic.

Yet the day had its hitches. 

One family member (who will remain nameless!) took 30 minutes longer than the other three to get ready to leave. 

The driver sped and complained about traffic for the entire three hours. 

My purse Advil bottle was empty, so I had to grin-and-bear the throbbing pain in an injured finger (I accidentally put a sewing machine needle through it on Friday).

A Lot for One Day

While yesterday was not a milestone day, it was still a pretty big day in many ways. In less than ten hours I:

• made an emergency run to the pharmacy for antibiotics

• loaded up the car

• traveled 400+ miles

• made unplanned stops twice to check tire pressure

• took a new route due to terrible traffic

• spent an astonishing amount on textbooks (3x what I’d budgeted!)

• stopped for food twice

• said “goodbye” 

• fretted about the past

• worried about the future

Yesterday was not a bad day. But after all the “life events” we crammed into a short time-frame, I was worn out by the time we got home. I was glad to take hot shower and head to bed early.

A PURSE-onal Review

Looking at yesterday thru the eyes of the PURSE-onalities: 

• We had very little time for Sanguine fun. When a bit of hilarity erupted, it was quickly shut down by grumpiness. 

• From the get-go, the day was a far cry from Melancholy perfection. For at least one family member, the day was ruined by our late departure. 

• Choleric control was a battle all day. Unexpected traffic, high book prices, and “letting go” issues could neither be predicted nor “fixed.”

• Phlegmatic peace was hard to come by. It settled in only once the day was done. 

A Lot for the Holidays

For many of us, the November and December holidays are a lot like my yesterday: 

• travel
• spending money
• saying goodbye
• thinking about the past

On top of these “life events,” we place these HUGE expectations of what the holiday should look like, feel like, be like.

And we leave no room for emergencies.

"A Holiday-Ready Heart"

So what does October’s PURSE-onality Challenge mean to me?  Well, it is more than just being consciously complaint-free (although for me this is an important discipline to re-visit and re-practice!)

But before I tell you what having “A Holiday-Ready Heart” means to me, what does it mean to you?

Your Turn:

• What does having "A Holiday-Ready Heart" mean to you?

• What aspect of the holidays do you enjoy most? dread most?

• Anything else on your heart! 

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Trying to Bring Back Eden

(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week!  You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

"The end of time seems so distant. Couldn’t we have just a little perfect here on earth? ...

In the deepest corners of our souls dwells a desire that compels us to do what we have to do to get the results we want."

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

Whatever It Takes

I know a thing or two about doing whatever it takes to get the results I want.

Have I gotten the results?

Er…

Well…

Um... 

For the most part…

Okay, not really. 

In fact, no.

But I never let that little detail stop me from trying over and over to do whatever it takes.

For the past quarter-of-a-century, my primary efforts have been focused on my marriage. To changing Daniel. To getting him to recreate Eden with me.

What I Want

“I have this list in my head of all the things that need to get done before I can consider my day to be a good day….And you know what? It never happens all in the same day. So when do I get to have a good day? What am I waiting for?”

I have lists (and not just in my head!) of all the things Daniel needs to do before I can consider him a good husband.

And you know what?  He never does them all at the same time! So when do I get to have a good marriage?  What am I waiting for?

This last week, an older lady in line ahead of me at Safeway had an entire cart full of rose bouquets and gladiolus stems. 

"For something special?"  I asked.

"My husband," she replied.

How wonderful...for her. 

Oh, I wish I had a marriage worth celebrating with $200 worth of flowers!

After the woman left, the cashier explained that the flowers were for a memorial shrine in memory of the her deceased husband. 

“She's been buying flowers every month for 7 years and 6 months. It gives her something to live for. They were married over 50 years."

No Heaven on Earth

I left Safeway in tears. Tears of sorrow. Guilt. Gratitude. 

I texted Daniel about what I’d just seen, adding:

“Oh, to celebrate with such extravagance while we’re alive! And NO, this isn’t a hint that I want flowers. I’m just very, very glad to have you still with me.”

Then, I asked myself some hard questions:

How much am I investing in Daniel’s life each month?  $200 worth of love and devotion, by any chance?

Or am I just making demands, trying to “perfect” him so I can live that little bit of Eden I so desperately crave?

“That hankering for a perfect life can unleash all manner of unholiness within us as we try to make our own garden-worthy patch here on earth.” 

I’ve been keeping "Where I Belong" on autoplay all weekend. 

It's a great a reminder that no, I can’t have "just a little perfect here on earth." 

That I really do “unleash all manner of unholiness” when I try to turn this world back into Eden. 

That there is One who can and will. And I need to do whatever it takes to keep my focus on Him.

(Can’t see embedded video?  Click here to listen to Where I Belong!)

Your Turn:

• When have you looked back in dismay at "whatever it took" to get results you didn't even end up getting?

• What's on your list of things that have to happen before you consider your day (or marriage or parenting or friendships or ___) "good"?

• What songs help you re-gain an eternal perspective when you start trying to recreate Eden?

• Anything else on your heart!

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How I Avoid Pain by Doing "This"..."Now"

"(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week!  You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

"When we realize there are no easy solutions to real living, we try to anesthetize ourselves. We try to fashion a life with the least amount of pain....

Some of us organize ourselves into corners and negotiate impossible to-do lists. [Or] we try to control people, placing high hurdles in their paths and holding them to standards they can never attain. [Or] we try to perfect ourselves, thinking that if we can patch ourselves up with self-improvement books and breathing exercises we will lessen the pain of real living."

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

I Long to be All New and Improved

At a women’s retreat last year, I spent prayerful time journaling in response to the question:  

What “fig leaves” do I hide behind?

At the top of my list were “starting” and “joining.”  New projects. New businesses. New groups. New causes. 

Why do I love starting and joining?

Each time is a a chance at a “new me”! A whole new I.D. 

Oh, how I’ve always longed for a fresh start! To be brand new and squeaky clean. So I’ve jumped at every chance for do-it-myself re-NEW-al.  

Of course, D.I.Y. has never worked. God says, “I will make all things new!” He will renew me.  I can not renew me.  I. AM. NOT. GOD.

“Self-Help” is a Joke (With No Punch Line)

I was reminded of this when a student asked me, as I was opening a box from Amazon and delighting in my latest self-help book, “Mrs. G, why do you read so many of those kinds of books?”  

Glibly, I quipped, “Well, I just have so much room for growth!”

But later, in moments of quiet reflection, I had to admit that even my beloved books are, far too often, “fig leaves” behind which I hide.

Trying to minimize my sin. 

Trying to be “good enough” by my own efforts.

Trying to Do It [all by] Myself.

Unpacking questions #5 and #6 today:

These questions can be reflective: "Why did I do that then?"and speculative: "Why will I do what when?"

5)  Why am I doing THIS now? 

This is an priority question. Of all the things I could be doing, is this the best use of my time and energy?

I have hundreds of interests, and I love starting new things. So "whatever thy hand findeth to do" is a dangerous concept, because my hands find many things to do! 

Recently, Daniel and I agreed to spend the evening hours hanging out together. Then I started catching up on Facebook and laughing at all the funny photos my friends have posted.  I kept 5-more-minuting my husband until I finally stopped and asked, "Why am I doing this now?"

I had a wonderful date just waiting to happen yet I was frittering my time on Facebook?  Time to re-prioritize, pronto!

This week, I'm teaching my students the four time quadrants from Steven Covey's book First Things First. I want them practice responding to God's call on their lives, not keep getting stuck in Deception and Waste!

And, truth be told, if I'm going to be an authentic teacher, I need to spend a week tracking my time in 15-minute intervals to see what "this"es are really getting my attention.

  

6)  Why am I doing this NOW?  

This is a timing question. Is now the best time for me to focus on "this" or could/should it wait?

Back in January, I excitedly dove into writing a book proposal. I was overwhelmed with urgency because a window of opportunity had finally opened: an agent I'd love to attract was suddenly accepting new queries.  

But several hours in, I had to ask, "Why am I doing this now?...When I need to be finishing my grading? Revising my retreat talks?  exercising?  lesson planning?  napping?"

I hit "Save" and calendared the book proposal for June. It was a "this" I was called to do, just not now [in January.]  Once June rolled around, I pulled up the file, and the evidence of God's timing started showing up all over the place! We're almost done with a proposal that absolutely could not have come together prior to June. 

Asking "Why am I doing this now?" help me realize that I had enough on my plate. And it gave the project the time it needed to mature more fully. 

We love new ideas. 

New ideas give us something "all new" to organize, control, and perfect. We get to escape all the disappointments of past projects that failed and throw myself into the blissful new one.

But we need to recognize this "starting"/"joining" drive for the pain-avoidance tactic that it is.

We need to ask God for guidance with each "this" and every "now" in our lives.

And be ready to do what and when He leads.

Your Turn:

• Do you struggle more with priority ("this") or timing ("now") issues?

• What might be different in your life if you asked God regularly if "this" is what He wants you to do "now"?

• Anything else on your heart!

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Further Ponderings on Perfectionism

Some quotes on perfection and perfectionism to ponder:

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing,
is giving up on being perfect
and beginning the work
of becoming yourself.” 
Anna Quindlen

“This is the very perfection of a man,
to find out his own imperfections.”


Saint Augustine

“They say that nobody is perfect.
Then they tell you practice makes perfect.
I wish they'd make up their minds.”


Winston Churchill

“Some of us (perfectionists, especially) fuss so much
over making the 'right' choice, but in life,
all that's really needed is to make any' good' choice,
believe in it, go through with it,
and accept the consequences.”
Anonymous



“People throw away what they could have
by insisting on perfection,
which they cannot have, and
looking for it where
they will never find it.”


Edith Schaeffer

“Perfection is achieved,
not when there is nothing more to add,
but when there is nothing left to take away.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Perfectionism is slow death.”
Hugh Prather

“Out of perfection nothing can be made.
Every process involves breaking something up.”
Joseph Campbell

“Perfectionism is the enemy of creation,
as extreme self-solitude is the enemy of well-being.”
John Updike

“Aim at perfection in everything,
though in most things it is unattainable.
However, they who aim at it and persevere,
will come much nearer to it than those
whose laziness and despondency
make them give it up as unattainable.”


Lord Chesterfield



“I’ve been called many names, 
like perfectionist, difficult, and obsessive. 
I think it takes obsession, 
takes searching for the details, 
for any artist to be good.”
Barbara Streisand



“Done is better than perfect.”
Scott Allen


“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.”
Anne Lamott



“Living in an age of advertisement,
we are perpetually disillusioned.
The perfect life is spread before us every day,
but it changes and withers at a touch.”

Joseph Priestley

And few Bible verses about perfection on which to meditate:

"As for God, his way is perfect; 

the word of the LORD is flawless. 

He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.”

Samuel 22:31

“Be perfect, therefore, 

as your heavenly Father is perfect.”


Matthew 5:48

“Since we have these promises, 

dear friends, let us purify ourselves 

from everything that contaminates body and spirit, 

perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.”

2 Corinthians 7:1

“Not that I have already obtained all this, 

or have already been made perfect, 

but I press on to take hold of that 

for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”

Philippians 3:12

“Perseverance must finish its work 

so that you may be mature and complete, 

not lacking anything.”

James 1:4

Your Turn:

Pick a quote or Bible verse and respond.  

If you’re a blogger, feel free to blog your response and post your link in the comments!