Trying to Bring Back Eden

(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week!  You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

"The end of time seems so distant. Couldn’t we have just a little perfect here on earth? ...

In the deepest corners of our souls dwells a desire that compels us to do what we have to do to get the results we want."

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

Whatever It Takes

I know a thing or two about doing whatever it takes to get the results I want.

Have I gotten the results?

Er…

Well…

Um... 

For the most part…

Okay, not really. 

In fact, no.

But I never let that little detail stop me from trying over and over to do whatever it takes.

For the past quarter-of-a-century, my primary efforts have been focused on my marriage. To changing Daniel. To getting him to recreate Eden with me.

What I Want

“I have this list in my head of all the things that need to get done before I can consider my day to be a good day….And you know what? It never happens all in the same day. So when do I get to have a good day? What am I waiting for?”

I have lists (and not just in my head!) of all the things Daniel needs to do before I can consider him a good husband.

And you know what?  He never does them all at the same time! So when do I get to have a good marriage?  What am I waiting for?

This last week, an older lady in line ahead of me at Safeway had an entire cart full of rose bouquets and gladiolus stems. 

"For something special?"  I asked.

"My husband," she replied.

How wonderful...for her. 

Oh, I wish I had a marriage worth celebrating with $200 worth of flowers!

After the woman left, the cashier explained that the flowers were for a memorial shrine in memory of the her deceased husband. 

“She's been buying flowers every month for 7 years and 6 months. It gives her something to live for. They were married over 50 years."

No Heaven on Earth

I left Safeway in tears. Tears of sorrow. Guilt. Gratitude. 

I texted Daniel about what I’d just seen, adding:

“Oh, to celebrate with such extravagance while we’re alive! And NO, this isn’t a hint that I want flowers. I’m just very, very glad to have you still with me.”

Then, I asked myself some hard questions:

How much am I investing in Daniel’s life each month?  $200 worth of love and devotion, by any chance?

Or am I just making demands, trying to “perfect” him so I can live that little bit of Eden I so desperately crave?

“That hankering for a perfect life can unleash all manner of unholiness within us as we try to make our own garden-worthy patch here on earth.” 

I’ve been keeping "Where I Belong" on autoplay all weekend. 

It's a great a reminder that no, I can’t have "just a little perfect here on earth." 

That I really do “unleash all manner of unholiness” when I try to turn this world back into Eden. 

That there is One who can and will. And I need to do whatever it takes to keep my focus on Him.

(Can’t see embedded video?  Click here to listen to Where I Belong!)

Your Turn:

• When have you looked back in dismay at "whatever it took" to get results you didn't even end up getting?

• What's on your list of things that have to happen before you consider your day (or marriage or parenting or friendships or ___) "good"?

• What songs help you re-gain an eternal perspective when you start trying to recreate Eden?

• Anything else on your heart!

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Taking a PURSE-onal Look at Perfectionism

Let’s take a “PURSE-onal”* look at Perfectionism today.

Since the life goal of the Melancholy is to achieve (and maintain!) perfection, it’s easy to assume that all Melancholies are “perfection-ists”. 

Not so. 

When a woman lives a Spirit-led life in her natural PURSE-onality, she is living in her strengths, sharing her natural gifts.

The God-given strengths of a Melancholy are analysis, organization, compassion, devotion, depth, sincerity, and so much more!  Her core identity does not reflect the relentlessly critical, dissatisfied spirit of the perfectionist.

This isn’t to say that your Melancholy sister won’t sigh when she finds a dirty dish in the sink or arrange your spices in alphabetical order the moment you turn your back. 

But her motivation may not be at all what you think.

Non-Melancholies–especially those of us who are especially sensitive to criticism–can pass harsh judgements on their behaviors.  

And we are often wrong.

I've learned this the hard way with my own mother. For decades, I took every “tsk-tsk” she uttered under her breath as a stab in my heart, proof that she did not “accept me for who I am.”

What I now understand is that my mother’s desire for perfection makes her an idealist. Because she loves me so much, she is literally pained when she can not provide the absolute best for me.  And what is the absolute best? Perfection!  

Her sighs and “tsk-tsks” are not aimed at me; they are aimed at a world she feels is not good enough for me. They express her longing for heaven, where she knows everything will finally be “just right” for her little girl.

“And the one sitting on the throne said, 

‘Look, I am making everything new!’“ 

Revelation 21:5a

Your Turn!

• Who in your life exhibits the strengths of the Melancholy PURSE-onality?

• When might you have over-reacted to a Melancholy’s criticism? How might you re-interpret it in a more positive light?

• Anything else on your heart or mind...

*If you’re not familiar with the Personalities, you can hear several of my messages by clicking here:

“Let’s Get PURSE-onal”

“Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers”

“Healthy Marriages Major in History (NOT Math)”