During November and December, I'll be diving into a personal Bible study of hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays."Each week, I'll be giving away a book. This week's title is 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids by Kathi Lipp, with personality assessment and applications contributed by yours truly!
Head to Kathi's blog for an online assessment that will help you figure out your child's PURSE-onality, as well as some great freebie downloads: $15 Family Fun Nights, 50 Ways to Connect With Your Son, and 50 Ways to Connect With Your Daughter. Oh, and if you haven't already "Liked" Kathi on Facebook, I think you'd actually LOVE her!
Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click to enter here.
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Two things have come from my October 31 vlog: "Why Expectations are Always an Epic Fail."
God is at Work
First, awe at the evidence of God’s grace at work as I stumbled over “does” vs. “do.”
A year ago, I would have been so mortified by such a mistake (especially for an English teacher and wannabe writer!) that I would have compulsively re-shot the video over and over again to get it “just right.”
A year ago, I would have been so mortified by such a mistake (especially for an English teacher and wannabe writer!) that I would have compulsively re-shot the video over and over again to get it “just right.”
Plastic.
This year, I just laughed at myself and moved on.
Truly moved on.
Okay, so I showed the clip to my husband because I wanted to complain to someone about making such a silly mistake.
But as we watched, I was actually startled by the freedom in my laugh.
I’m not making this stuff up.
The changes are real!
God is at work!
(Can I hear an AMEN?)
Expectations & Disappointment vs. Hope
Second, I’m back to mulling over expectations, disappointment, and hope.
I need to come up with a talk title on these topics, and they are not cooperating! “ex-pec-ta-tions” is four awkward syllables and “dis-ap-point-ment” is another four-syllable mouthful.
A snappy talk title needs simple one-syllable words!
So as a word nerd, I looked up “expectation” and “disappoint” in the dictionary.
And I forgot all about talk titles.
Expectations
ex = "thoroughly" + spectare = "to look" (as through a scope)
So when I have an expectation, I am thoroughly seeing it as if it’s already reality. I am looking so forward to it occurring that I am already living there.
My vision narrows -- as if I’m looking through a scope -- to this focal point:
What. I. Want.
I am an expert at expecting a variety of things:
- that amazing pink and burgundy skirt in the new Coldwater Creek catalog
- a certain student to finally take off his hat without being reminded
- to finish what I’m saying without interruption
- a stop at Starbucks for an extra whip mocha and brown sugar walnut tart
- sympathy and comfort when I am sad
Disappointment
“disappoint” comes from Old French desapointier and literally translates:
dis = “away” + appoint = “to point”
So when I am disappointed, I am moved away from my goal. Or my goal is snatched away from me.
I can no longer see my focal point.
The push pin marking my goal point is yanked out.
- I am pointed elsewhere.
- And I am not a happy camper!
- What is my typical response?
Blame.
I blame everyone possible for “letting me down.”
If they had just cooperated -- or at least stayed out of my way -- I would have made my point by now.
Are you starting to...see my point?
Hope
It all comes back to seeing.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with setting goals. My Choleric PURSE-onality loves goals and checklists!
But when any goal -- whether it’s
- obtaining a possession
- changing another person’s behavior
- insisting on rules of social conduct
- getting a special treat
- requiring emotional support
becomes an expectation, I am doomed for disappointment.
As soon as I see it and start to live as if I’m already there -- I can hear it, feel it, taste it, smell it, and oh can I ever see it! -- I am in danger of becoming so fixated on my point that I lose sight of God’s will for me.
Romans 8:24-25 makes it clear that hope is not about what I can see:
For in this hope we were saved.
But hope that is seen is no hope at all.
Who hopes for what he already has?
But if we hope for what we do not yet have,
we wait for it patiently.
God never intended me to develop a focal point toward which I strive.
My every need, my every desire is meant to point me to Him.
To hope in Him
- to provide for my needs (via Coldwater Creek or Target or Goodwill)
- to reach the hearts of my students (through me and in spite of me!)
- to teach me to listen (and seek to understand before being understood)
- to fulfill my need for “something special” (far more lasting than sugary foods)
- to be my ever-present refuge and strength (firm and secure)
He is my point.
Try This Today:
Make a small sign that says, “What’s my point?” and place it somewhere you’ll see it frequently. As you find yourself really wanting / needing something, ask, “What’s my point?” as a way of checking to see if you’re moving into expectations (and, thus, guaranteed disappointment!) or if this want/need is pointing you to God.
Your Turn:
- Over what do you find yourself getting caught in expectations: Things you want to obtain? Events you’re hoping will happen? Behaviors from other people? Relationship dynamics?
- How do you tend to handle disappointment: Blaming others or blaming yourself? Something else? How long does it take for you to “move on”?
- How might your life be different if your expectations were replaced with hope?
- Anything else on your heart!
