The PURSE-onality Challenge: God's Word

Showing posts with label God's Word. Show all posts

Why I Yelled at a Friend (+ What I Shoulda Done Instead)

I yelled at a friend on Monday.

Yes, he was the reason three students were late to class...

...by 15 minutes...

...on a timed AP essay day...

...so they lost 50% of their time.

Yes, we've agreed not to hold students after chapel. That getting straight to class, on time, is of utmost importance.

Yes, I had a right to be disappointed. My kids had invested their time writing outlines ahead of time. I'd invested my time reading and responding to their outlines. I had high hopes that they'd do well.

But none of these are the real reason.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because

I have a son who turned 20 on Thursday, and 20-year-olds are not supposed to shoot anyone ever.

I have a daughter who was in first grade just yesterday and is now researching graduate schools that offer Fine Arts programs, but little Emilie Parker never will.

I overheard my students refer to two of my hardest-working colleagues as "lazy" and "inefficient" last week and I keep thinking If they say that about them, what on earth do they say about me?!?

I thought that by now, I'd be over the issues that plagued me in my 20s and 30s, but lately it feels like the harder I work the worse I get. I'm so astronomically high maintenance, I can't possibly be worth the upkeep or the collateral damage.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because I forgot how quickly I "max out" when strong emotions are coming at me from all sides.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because with so much going wrong, I needed something -- anything! -- to turn out all right.

If you're feeling close to yelling at a friend...or a spouse or a child or a parent...over something that's gone wrong, here's what I learned on Monday:

Yelling at a friend won't make anything all right.

(I know, I know: "No duh!")

I should have yelled for my Friend before I got in over my head.

(Fortunately, it's not too late!)

I love you, Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

The cords of death entangled me;  the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice;  my cry came before him, into his ears.

The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew;  he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them.

The valleys of the sea were exposed  and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:1-19

Your Turn!

Have you found yourself unusually "on edge" or reactive this week? If so, how have you dealt with it?

What is your go-to scripture when things are going wrong and you need to re-mind yourself of the One who makes everything all right?

Anything else on your heart!

Coming in January!

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How to Calm an Emotion Storm

How can she let me down like this?

She promised.

And I did my part.

I start plotting...

...how to get her to hold up her end of our bargain.

...how to make her.

...how to force her to…

Wait a second.

I recognize this feeling.

The I am SO going to make this happen sensation.

I recognize

the tightening of the skin above my nose.

the slight buzzing in my ears.

the narrowing of my vision.

This is not time to take action.

This is time to

pause.

pray.

ponder God’s word (instead of my oh-so-wordy thoughts!)

Slowly, I remember that I can not get her, make her, or force her to do anything.

I have control over my choices.

Only my choices.

(Not hers.)

As I listen for the next step God is leading me to take,

my nose relaxes,

the buzzing dies down, and

my peripheral vision expands.

Calm returns.

I remember, with gratitude, that this process once took hours, days, even weeks.

Now, mostly minutes...often less.

God promises...

And I will give you a new heart,

and I will put a new spirit in you.

I will take out your stony, stubborn heart

and give you a tender, responsive heart.

(Ezekiel 36:26)

...and He will never let you down.

Your Turn:

How often do you feel like you need to get, make, or force someone else to do something you want them to do? How do you deal with that feeling?

What is your favorite verse to recall or look up when stormy emotions start getting the upper hand in your mind or heart?

Anything else on your heart!

Check out The Better Mom to enter their drawing for my 31 laminated Bible verse cards!

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The Worst Control-Freak Mistake We Don't Have to Make

During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays". This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.

I'd LOVE your input on the cover and title of my upcoming eBook based on May's The PURSE-onality Challenge ! If you take this short survey, the final question invites you to leave your name and e-mail address so I can send you a FREE copy when it's done!

(Wednesday's Part 1: 4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas 1 & 2)

(Thursday's Part 2: 4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas 3 & 4)

Ironically, our women’s group just started Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued study.

We’re focusing on how we respond to “raw emotions.”

I love to say I’m just “keeping it real...ha, ha!”

Doing “field research,” right?

If only I could get away with it so easily!

Faux-Pas #5: Failure to Seek Forgiveness

I’ve brought blank note cards with me to Las Vegas. I will be prayerfully writing apology notes to leave on my colleagues’ desks next week.

(Along with cute cupcake note pads I found at Staples. A little“fun” goes a LONG way in helping a Sanguine/Choleric apologize!)

The day after the meeting, I talked with one colleague face-to-face.

I apologized for specific behaviors. I acknowledged how I suspected my behaviors made her feel.

And I asked forgiveness, which she generously offered amidst, “Oh, don’t worry about it! I totally understand!”

I will seek out my other colleague f-2-f as well.

Am I beating myself up and taking on the blame as if the whole thing is my fault?

No.

I am taking responsibility for my part in the communication break-down.

And doing what I can to make amends.

If I don’t, I know what will happen:

First, I will feel guilty.

Then, once the appropriate window of time for apology shuts, I will feel ashamed. And I can’t live with shame.

So I will demonize this colleague. Make up a convincing story about why I chose not to apologize. Why I really didn’t need to apologize. Why I actually should not apologize.

Ever.

This will change who she can be around me.

And it will change me in ways I don’t want to be changed.

LET. IT. GO.

After humorously exploring the many creative ways in which women respond to having things not go our way, Karen says this:

Our only solution is to cultivate the gentle art of acceptance, of learning not to ask “Why me?” but rather “What am I supposed to learn at this junction of life that will make me a better person and draw me closer to God?”

Rather than pouting and asking God to get us out of the circumstances, we should be pondering, What does God want me to learn about him that I might never discover if he were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation? What qualities is he attempting to grow in me? Patience? Trust? Contentment? Acceptance?

When we adopt this line of thinking, we can experience the thrilling feeling of being “out of control” and loving it.

I am so not joking.

Personally, I’m not ready to call it a “thrilling feeling.” I’m still at the woozy stage. But after four decades of gut-wrenching control issues, I’m ready to try something different.

But I Don’t Want To!

Mind you, I don’t want to apologize to my other colleague.

I apologized to the easy one and would love to leave it at that. 50% is better than 0%, right? We can call that progress, right?

Not according to the checks in my spirit during my morning quiet times ever since The Meeting. The conviction growing in my heart regarding what I must do, regardless of result.

My least favorite thing on earth: doing what I do not want to do when failure is almost certain.

But obedience is my job. Results are God’s.

So this week, Psalm 119:147 has taken on all-new meaning:

I rise before dawn and cry for help;

I have put my hope in your word.

Not my feelings.

Not my knee-jerk reaction.

Not my rationalizations that this really has all blown over, why make it a bigger deal than it needs to be?

(See how fast my self-centered brain generates logical, easy-to-agree-with options?)

Obedience to say:

I’m sorry.

I am afraid my words and actions caused you pain.

Will you forgive me?

I’ve already made the first four Control-Freak Faux-Pas.

I choose not to make the 5^th.

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4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas (Part 2)

(My apologies that today’s blog post is running late! Having spent last evening and this morning dealing with sudden car tire and battery issues, I’m grateful to be on my way to Las Vegas for the NCTE Convention!)

(Wednesday's Part 1)

My knee-jerk reactions are terrible.

I desperately want

to “shoot from the hip”

to “go with my gut”

to "just have an intuition…”

But I know myself far too well.

When the Northridge Earthquake struck in the 90’s, we lived in Southern California. I woke from deep sleep to the sound of a freight train hitting the house.

My knee-jerk reaction was to bolt for the front door.

I nearly killed myself staggering and falling down two flights of stairs, since I’m legally blind without my glasses.

My intuition checked me at the door, telling me to stay in the house.

Why?

Because it was a very hot night, and I’d gone to bed...er..."au naturale".

My level-headed husband, in contrast, was standing in the kids’ room doorway, our 2-year-old on one hip, and our 4-year-old on the other. (Our kids know, without a doubt, who to trust in crisis!)

When I shoot from the hip, my sights are never set on others -- not even my children.

My gut reaction is always a self-centered save yourself!

And yet, I assure myself that my knee-jerk reactions are bound to get better with time.

Next time, for sure.

So it’s no mystery that I, living in this kind of denial, effortlessly committed Faux-Pas #3 and #4.

Faux-Pas #3: Failure to Pause before Proclaiming

I wait for the LORD,

my soul waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 130:5

At one point during the meeting, I was so taken aback by something one of my colleagues said that I blurted out, “If that’s the direction this conversation is going to go, then I’m heading home to eat.”

Translation: If that’s how you’re going to be, I’m leaving.

Not particularly high on the maturity scale. I recognized this, and I became even more on edge.

Soon, when it was clear that the meeting was rapidly falling apart, I said, “This is why I am SO quitting as soon as I can.”

Translation: If that’s how you’re going to be, I’m leaving.

If there’s one skill this Choleric needs to learn it’s how to execute a well-timed shutting up before ill-advised words come flying out of her mouth!

Simply pushing pause could have kept me from making a difficult situation far worse than necessary.

Faux-Pas #4: Failure to Pray and Ponder

I am blessed to teach at a Christian school. The colleagues with whom I met are women of the Word who love Jesus and share Him with their students.

But I dashed into the meeting and dove right in, not even stopping to pray...

for the meeting.

for each woman present.

for our students.

for awareness of God’s presence.

for responsiveness to the Holy Spirit’s leading.

Failing to take the time to focus on the One who is the central focus of our lives and teaching, the results were predictable.

The meeting narrowed to a me-ting

Self called the shots.

Had I taken the time to pray, I would have been prepared to ponder:

Why did she say that? Let me ask a clarifying question…

How is she feeling right now? Let’s focus on feelings before finding solutions…

What is the underlying issue, here? Let me try to understand better…

A Selfishness Switch-er-oo

I love how Karen weaves practical application throughout LET. IT. GO. At the end of Chapter 3 is a multi-page “Selfishness Switch-er-oo” chart showing how we can use God’s truths to find-and-replace our own sometimes-selfish lines of thinking.

For example:

“What about my rights?” (Philippians 2:5-7)

“If I don’t look out for myself, who will?” (Luke 12:6-7)

“But what about what I want?” (Ephesians 5:10)

Your Turn:

How are your knee-jerk reactions, especially when it comes to control issues?

How might one of your key relationships be different if you paused before proclaiming?

How might your attitude change with even 5 more minutes per day of praying and pondering?

Anything else on your heart!

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