Showing posts with label God's in control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's in control. Show all posts

Why I Yelled at a Friend (+ What I Shoulda Done Instead)


I yelled at a friend on Monday.

Yes, he was the reason three students were late to class...
  • ...by 15 minutes...
  • ...on a timed AP essay day...
  • ...so they lost 50% of their time.

Yes, we've agreed not to hold students after chapel. That getting straight to class, on time, is of utmost importance.

Yes, I had a right to be disappointed. My kids had invested their time writing outlines ahead of time. I'd invested my time reading and responding to their outlines. I had high hopes that they'd do well.

But none of these are the real reason.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because
  • I have a son who turned 20 on Thursday, and 20-year-olds are not supposed to shoot anyone ever.
  • I have a daughter who was in first grade just yesterday and is now researching graduate schools that offer Fine Arts programs, but little Emilie Parker never will.
  • I overheard my students refer to two of my hardest-working colleagues as "lazy" and "inefficient" last week and I keep thinking If they say that about them, what on earth do they say about me?!?
  • I thought that by now, I'd be over the issues that plagued me in my 20s and 30s, but lately it feels like the harder I work the worse I get. I'm so astronomically high maintenance, I can't possibly be worth the upkeep or the collateral damage.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because I forgot how quickly I "max out" when strong emotions are coming at me from all sides.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because with so much going wrong, I needed something -- anything! -- to turn out all right.

If you're feeling close to yelling at a friend...or a spouse or a child or a parent...over something that's gone wrong, here's what I learned on Monday:  


Yelling at a friend won't make anything all right.

(I know, I know:  "No duh!")

I should have yelled for my Friend before I got in over my head.

(Fortunately, it's not too late!)



I love you, Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

The cords of death entangled me;  the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice;  my cry came before him, into his ears.

The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew;  he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them.

The valleys of the sea were exposed  and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:1-19



Your Turn!
  • Have you found yourself unusually "on edge" or reactive this week? If so, how have you dealt with it?
  • What is your go-to scripture when things are going wrong and you need to re-mind yourself of the One who makes everything all right?
  • Anything else on your heart!




Coming in January!

The Worst Control-Freak Mistake We Don't Have to Make

During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays". This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  



I'd LOVE your input on the cover and title of my upcoming eBook based on May's The PURSE-onality Challenge !  If you take this short survey, the final question invites you to leave your name and e-mail address so I can send you a FREE copy when it's done!



(Wednesday's Part 1: 4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas 1 & 2)

(Thursday's Part 2:  4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas 3 & 4)


Ironically, our women’s group just started Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued study. 

We’re focusing on how we respond to “raw emotions.”

I love to say I’m just “keeping it real...ha, ha!”  

Doing “field research,” right?

If only I could get away with it so easily!


Faux-Pas #5:  Failure to Seek Forgiveness

I’ve brought blank note cards with me to Las Vegas. I will be prayerfully writing apology notes to leave on my colleagues’ desks next week.

(Along with cute cupcake note pads I found at Staples. A little“fun” goes a LONG way in helping a Sanguine/Choleric apologize!)

The day after the meeting, I talked with one colleague face-to-face. 

I apologized for specific behaviors. I acknowledged how I suspected my behaviors made her feel. 

And I asked forgiveness, which she generously offered amidst, “Oh, don’t worry about it! I totally understand!” 

I will seek out my other colleague f-2-f as well.

Am I beating myself up and taking on the blame as if the whole thing is my fault?

No. 

I am taking responsibility for my part in the communication break-down.  

And doing what I can to make amends.

If I don’t, I know what will happen:

  • First, I will feel guilty. 
  • Then, once the appropriate window of time for apology shuts, I will feel ashamed. And I can’t live with shame. 
  • So I will demonize this colleague. Make up a convincing story about why I chose not to apologize. Why I really didn’t need to apologize. Why I actually should not apologize


Ever. 

This will change who she can be around me.

And it will change me in ways I don’t want to be changed.


LET. IT. GO. 

After humorously exploring the many creative ways in which women respond to having things not go our way, Karen says this:

Our only solution is to cultivate the gentle art of acceptance, of learning not to ask “Why me?” but rather “What am I supposed to learn at this junction of life that will make me a better person and draw me closer to God?” 

Rather than pouting and asking God to get us out of the circumstances, we should be pondering, What does God want me to learn about him that I might never discover if he were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation? What qualities is he attempting to grow in me? Patience? Trust? Contentment? Acceptance?

When we adopt this line of thinking, we can experience the thrilling feeling of being “out of control” and loving it. 

I am so not joking.

Personally, I’m not ready to call it a “thrilling feeling.” I’m still at the woozy stage. But after four decades of gut-wrenching control issues, I’m ready to try something different.


But I Don’t Want To!

Mind you, I don’t want to apologize to my other colleague. 

I apologized to the easy one and would love to leave it at that. 50% is better than 0%, right?  We can call that progress, right?

Not according to the checks in my spirit during my morning quiet times ever since The Meeting. The conviction growing in my heart regarding what I must do, regardless of result.

My least favorite thing on earth: doing what I do not want to do when failure is almost certain.

But obedience is my job. Results are God’s.

So this week, Psalm 119:147 has taken on all-new meaning:

I rise before dawn and cry for help; 
I have put my hope in your word.

Not my feelings.

Not my knee-jerk reaction.

Not my rationalizations that this really has all blown over, why make it a bigger deal than it needs to be?

(See how fast my self-centered brain generates logical, easy-to-agree-with options?)

Obedience to say:
  • I’m sorry.
  • I am afraid my words and actions caused you pain.
  • Will you forgive me?

I’ve already made the first four Control-Freak Faux-Pas.

I choose not to make the 5th.


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