Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!
Today's post comes to you as a vlog and blog!
If you prefer to watch and listen, check out the video below.
If you prefer to read, scroll on down past the video!
(Can't see video? Click here to view "Why the Holidays Can Be Overwhelming" via YouTube!)
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It’s not a popular word.
It’s not a happy word.
And it’s a word that you might not even think of in association with the holidays.
But at least for me, it’s something that has absolutely controlled me, especially during the holidays:
Shame
What’s caused me the most shame, throughout my life, is being told, “Cheri, you’re just too sensitive.”
The problem with being told I’m “too sensitive” is that I never know what I’m supposed to do with this information.
It’s not like I wake up in the morning and think, “Oh, I think I’ll cry five times today!”
So I ended up with this incredible sense that I was defective.
When you’re defective, there’s nothing that can be done about it.
If you’re broken, you can be fixed.
But if you’re defective -- if you’re ruined from the start -- then the best you can do is to limp through life and hope not to bother or annoy too many people along the way.
Not “Too Sensitive” After All
Now it turns out, I’m actually not “too sensitive.”
- I am moved to tears easily.
- I feel things very deeply.
But now that I know that I’m “highly sensitive” and realize God made me this way, it’s something I can take responsibility for.
To know what my signals are. To know when I’m getting overwhelmed. To know what I need to do to make sure that I’ve got my resources built up: enough to eat, enough to drink, enough sleep.
“Highly Sensitive” in the Holidays
Now, when I’m in a family situation and I feel myself becoming overwhelmed and wanting to shut down, I realize that I need five minutes away.
I need to go hide in the bathroom for five minutes with my Bible verse cards and just spend some time in prayer. I need to clean out the anxiety and replace that baditude with God’s word and gratitude.
But for too many years, I didn’t know that about myself.
I’d be in a family situation and feel the pressure rising and not know what to do with it.
So I did spend five minutes in the bathroom.
But first, I’d spend fifteen minutes at the dessert table, trying to deal with all those feelings by cramming them back down to the point of becoming horribly sick. I was bulimic and would throw all the food back up.
Then, of course, I immediately felt terribly guilty.
Covering Shame with Guilt
The guilt actually felt better than my shame.
Because shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says I’ve made a mistake.
And if I’ve made a mistake, then there’s hope: I can learn not to make that mistake.
The Bible is filled with promises that God will forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
So I was caught in a cycle:
- 2) I’d need a reason to feel so bad.
- 3) So I’d do something to make me feel guilty enough to cover the shame up.
Covering Shame with Pride
Or, I’d do the flip side!
Sometimes, it wasn’t guilt.
Sometimes it was being really really good! Sometimes it was being perfect...or at least trying my hardest and being more perfect than anyone else around me.
Sometimes it was doing more than anyone else. Getting there earlier. Staying later.
In those cases, it wasn’t guilt I was using to cover up my shame.
It was pride.
Delivered from Shame
So we’ve got these opposite extremes. And at the holidays, we polarize; we’re either the best of the best or the worst of the worst.
But today’s verses give me so much hope:
I sought the Lord, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant;
their faces never covered with shame.
Psalm 34:4-5 (NIV)
This holiday season, I’m going to make a point to really be listening to what my needs are.
I’m what’s called an “ambivert”: I love putting myself out with people, but then I need my time alone.
I’m becoming much more aware of how the devil tries to attack me with feelings of shame, telling me, “Cheri, you’re not having as much fun as you should. What’s wrong with you?”
And instead of responding, “Oh, you’re right. There’s something terribly wrong with me...where’s a cookie?”
I can say, “There’s nothing wrong with me. This is a feeling I now recognize telling me that I’m overstimulated. I’m overtired.
I’m going to find a back bedroom, lay down on the bed, and close my eyes for five minutes. I’m going to meditate on scripture and pray through this. I’m going to clear my mind of all that negativity.
And then I’m going to come back out and spend time with family again.”
(Part 2 tomorrow: How each PURSE-onality can avoid becoming overwhelmed during the holidays!)
Your Turn!
- What aspect(s) of the holidays do you find most overwhelming?
- When you're feeling overwhelmed, how do you get back to a place of balance and calm?
- What does "their faces never covered with shame" mean to you?
- Anything else on your heart!
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