Showing posts with label Pray-paring for Holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pray-paring for Holidays. Show all posts

Day 30: JOY (The Freedoms of Joy)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

...weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5 (NIV)
Trying Too Hard

In Christmases past, I've wasted so much time trying too hard to manufacture the "right conditions" to produce the "right responses":
  • decorating the house just right so that my guests will admire me.
  • buying the just right gifts so that their recipients will be grateful.
  • cooking all the right foods so that those who eat it will be happy.
  • planning the right family time so that we'll all feel connected.
But things always managed to go wrong.
  • The carrot noses disappeared from all my hand-crafted snow-people, ruining my decorating scheme. 
  • Certain people refused to even open their gifts or, if they did, insisted they didn't need what I'd so carefully selected.
  • Some item of food always sets of the smoke alarm and the meal was never ready on time.
  • At any given moment, someone was grouchy and someone was tired and someone was mad at someone and it could not possibly have been more obvious that we are four very different PURSE-onalities!
Joy is a Gift
Grieving, I'm finding, is a rebirth process that invites joy to flourish in the present.

When I'm not burdened by anxiety for the future or regrets from the past, I'm freed to live in the here and now.

I can receive each present moment as a gift.

I love the verb tense of the Christmas carol lyrics "Joy to the world the Lord is come."

It's in the present tense.  

The Lord is come!
Joy is a Choice

I used to try too hard so that other people would react the way I needed them to so that I could experience holiday joy.

But my experience of joy is not dependent on any other person.

I experience joy because Jesus is come. 

As I choose to focus on Jesus, I choose joy.
The Freedoms of Joy

When I choose Joy, I'm freed from trying too hard so that... Instead,
  • I can decorate my home because doing so is an outward expression of inner celebration ... whether or not the carrot noses are ever found. 
  • I can give gifts because of how much I've been given ... whether or not they're opened or appreciated "properly."
  • I can fix food because it's one way we celebrate the many ways God has provided ... regardless of whether the hot foods are hot or cold foods cold when served.
  • I can hang out with family because -- regardless of our moods -- we are recipients of and expressions of God's unfathomable love. 

No matter what the issues I've struggled with in holidays past, this year I am free to choose joy.

Instead of struggling so that..., I will celebrate because

The Lord is come!


Your Turn:
  • What does "joy" mean to you? How is it different from happiness? What causes you to experience joy? 
  • What types of "trying so hard so that..." has blocked your holiday joy in the past?  
  • Anything else on your heart!


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    Day 23: CLEANSE (A Holiday-Ready Home)


    Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

    Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

    Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
    Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
    Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
    Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
    Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
    Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
    Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)
    Day 21: HOLD (Hold Back, Let Go, and Step Up)
    Day 22: FRUIT (I Didn't Think...I Was a People-Pleaser!)



    The Way It’s Always Been

    Teachers get important things done three times a year: summer, Christmas, and spring vacations.

    Once the school year starts, anything that doesn’t involve teaching, lesson planning, grading, parenting, wifing, and basic survival gets shoved until Christmas vacation.

    Which usually starts somewhere around December 21.  

    No wonder I’ve never felt ready for Christmas: I haven’t been! 

    Not by a long shot!

    In fact, not only have I not been ready, I’ve been behind. Way behind. 


    My “To Get Done During” Christmas List

    All four of us need teeth cleaning appointments.

    The animals need to go to the vet.

    Both cars need major servicing (the kind that requires us both to drive to the dealership, leave one car, drive back home, wait a day or two, and then drive back again, leave the other car...you get the picture!)

    The freezer needs to be emptied, defrosted, and re-organized.

    Last year’s pair of boots need to be replaced because there are holes in both soles.


    The house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom. 

    But before it can be cleaned, it really needs to be de-cluttered. (Anything we don’t quite know what to do with pretty much gets left wherever it lands August - December.)

    And so on.

    And so forth.

    And -- oh yeah -- Merry Christmas!


    Time for a Change

    If I’m going to have a holiday-ready heart mid-November, I’ve got to change my what-gets-done-when habits.

    Starting with the clutter.

    If we confess our sins 
    He is faithful and just 
    to forgive us our sins and 
    cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 
    1 John 1:9 (NIV)

    If God can cleanse my innermost heart of sin and unrighteousness, then surely I can put some effort toward cleaning my outer environment!

    As non-visual as I am, I have to admit that my outer life has a far greater impact on my inner life than I used to realize. 

    If I'm going to have a holiday-ready heart, I need to start now to have a holiday-ready home.

    Waiting until my next major vacation is a huge set-up for failure...and continued holiday hatred.


    20 Minutes a Day

    For the next nine days, October 22 through October 31, I'm going to spend 20 minutes focusing on one key area of my home: 
    • 0-5:  Pick up obvious items that need to go or can go. 
    • 6-10:  Make a list of things that need to be cleaned, repaired, replaced, etc.
    • 11-15:  Take one small step (i.e. toss all the throw blankets in the wash)
    • 16-20:  Assess the room’s needs, especially in light of the holidays (i.e. wood for the fireplace.)

    I'll be dividing the days up according to these areas:

    • Day 1:  Living Room
    • Day 2:  Kitchen
    • Day 3:  Master Bedroom
    • Day 4:  Guest Bathroom
    • Day 5:  Kids’ Rooms
    • Day 6:  Guest Room / My Study
    • Day 7:  Garage & Vehicles
    • Day 8:  Back Yard & Pets
    • Day 9:  Front Porch & People


    Obviously, I'm not aiming for any sort of perfection during these next nine days.

     All I want to do is

    • get started,
    • make a small difference, and
    • make a do-able plan.

    Doing this will break old habits.

     And it'll move me closer to having a holiday-ready home to match my holiday-ready heart!



    Your Turn:

    • Do you tend to put off home-related tasks until you can get it all done at once? Or do you consistently chip away at them?
    • Do you enjoy preparing your house for the holidays or do you find it stressful?  Either way, why? 
    • Anything else on your heart!


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    Day 22: FRUIT (I Didn't Think...I Was a People-Pleaser!)


    Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

    Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

    Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
    Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
    Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
    Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
    Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
    Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
    Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)
    Day 21: HOLD (Hold Back, Let Go, and Step Up)



    I thought I was “just” a recovering perfectionist.

    Sure, when I launched the “Women Trying to Measure Up” survey in June, I included several other issues: performance-orientation, procrastination, and people-pleasing. 

    But I knew they were other people’s problems, not mine.

    So I was stunned to find that my readers' comments about people-pleasing (a “non-issue” for me, remember!)  centered on two words that totally describe me:  

    resentful and bitter.


    People-Pleaser: Who, Me?

    I was baffled. 

    My inner feelings fit the profile of a people-pleaser. 

    But I did not see myself as a people-pleaser. 

    At. All.

    Oh, how I hated the idea of being a people-pleaser!

    But I hated the idea of being a resentful bitter woman even more.

     So I did a most dangerous thing. 

    I prayed that risky prayer: “Lord, open my eyes. Help me to see what I’ve been unable (or unwilling) to see.”


    The Loaned Thumb Drive

    The very next day, God took me up on my offer.

    It was Career Day at school, and my only task was to “monitor” the students who came in and out of my classroom to hear the two presenters. The kids were attentive; the realtor and architect were superb. 

    I was under no stress. In fact, I was relaxed.

    Then one of my students dashed into the room, gasping, “Mrs. G! My mom needs a thumb drive!”

    Knowing his mother was presenting in another classroom, I reached into my purse, grabbed the first thumb drive my fingers touched, and tossed it across the room to him.

    He thanked me.

    I felt victorious. 

    The entire exchange took less than 10 seconds.


     The All-Important Thumb Drive

     A few days later, I sat down at my laptop to grade my English II students’ Hero Presentation PowerPoints. 

    I reached for the three thumb drives I knew were in my purse and froze when I only found two.

    Oh yeah, I loaned one. 

    Worry knotted one corner of my stomach.

    No, I’m sure odds are in my favor. I still have two of the three thumb drives. The one I need is bound to be here.

    Seconds later, I was reminded why I’m not a gambler.

    I had two thumb drives all right, but my students’ Hero PowerPoints weren’t on either one.

    So I texted my student.

    Panic gripped my stomach, my back, and my neck when he responded, 

    “I returned it the same day!”


    The Lost Thumb Drive

    I ransacked my purse. Five times.

    No 3rd thumb drive.

    Tore apart my desk at home. Searched the floors.

    No 3rd thumb drive.

    Did the same at school.

    No 3rd thumb drive.

    But I did find an un-named thumb drive that looked like mine; but it was 16 GB while mine were all 8 GB.

    Oh yeah! I sold him a thumb drive just like this in August!

    I texted to ask if he might have kept mine and given me his.

    He promised to look again.

    The next day, we confirmed that the un-named thumb drive was his.

    But he had no idea where mine was.

    “Sorry Mrs. G!”


    Resentful & Bitter Me

    "Sorry Mrs. G?"  

    That’s it?  

    Doesn’t he realize how important that thumb drive is to me?

    I e-mailed his mother. Surely she, an educator, would understand!

    Silence.

    From them.

    But, oh, my inner dialogue was loud and outraged!
    • I can’t believe…
    • Of all the ungrateful…
    • I didn’t even think twice before I…


    People-Pleaser: Yes, Me

    Wait a minute.

    I didn’t even think once.

    When asked for a thumb drive, I didn’t even pause to think!

    I reacted out of instinct to solve someone else’s problem without evaluating my own needs.

    And now I’m mad at them?
    • Whose fault is it that I didn’t say, “Hang on -- let me check to see if there’s anything vital on here that I wouldn’t want to lose”? 
    • Whose fault is it that I didn't say, "If you can wait 5 minutes, I may be able to help you. If you need one faster, ask someone else"?
    • Whose fault is it that the fruit I’m currently reaping is a crop of resentment and bitterness?


    Holiday Fruit

    But the fruit of the Spirit is 
    love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, 
    faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 
    Against such things there is no law. 
    Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

    When I act on instinct -- 
    • without thinking
    • without praying
    • without listening for the Still Small Voice
    --all I get is rotten fruit.

    Resentment and bitterness are the counterfeit spoils of the fruit of the Spirit.

     I want the sweet fruit of the Holy Spirit this holiday season not a rotten mess of people-pleasing.

     Which means I need to practice now so that I'm ready then to pause, pray, perceive, and praise!



    Your Turn:

    • When have you taken care of someone else's "need" without giving thought to your own legitimate needs?
    • How do you feel God calling you to please Him, not people, during the upcoming holidays?
    • Anything else on your heart!


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