Showing posts with label HOLD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HOLD. Show all posts

Day 21: HOLD (Hold Back, Let Go, and Step Up)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!


Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)

I sympathize with this “holiday issue” a reader shared:

“Every year, we’re asked about specific wishes, preferences, even needs. And every year,  our specific wishes, preferences, and needs are completely ignored. Why do they even ask?  Why do I still respond?”

Nothing used to make me see red faster than having someone ask for my input...and then disregard it. 

Like asking me what the kids need for Christmas...and then giving them everything but.

A close second was when I give my input because the situation called for it...and it was disregarded.

Like when I’d clearly state, “The kids have had enough sugar for today”...and then I’d walk into the kitchen to find 5th and 6th scoops of ice cream being served to them under the excuse of holiday joy.


Hold Back

When words are many, sin is not absent
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19 (NIV)

Holding my tongue has been deceptively easy for me. 

I thought I was more self-controlled than most people. What I’m just now learning is that I’ve been more of a people-pleaser than most people.

My tongue-holding wasn’t the result of spiritual maturity. 

It was the result of stuffing my true feelings

And numbing myself with food. Shopping. Meddling in other people’s lives.


Let Go

True “holding back” isn’t about stuffing.

It’s about surrendering.  

Confessing and surrendering my emotions to God.
  • My indignation.
  • My frustration.
  • My hurt.
  • My anger.
  • My dismay.
  • My “how-could-they.”
  • My “after all I’ve done for them.”


Evaluating and surrendering the non-deal-breaking circumstances to God.
  • The this-is-such-an-inconvenience.
  • The boy-does-this-ever-irk-me.
  • The I-can’t-believe-they’re-giving-me-this-again.
  • The clearly-nobody-listens-to-a-word-I-say.
  • The why-do-I-even-bother.



Step Up

And then comes the hard part:

setting boundaries.

Which I confess to knowing very little about, because this is an area in which I’ve tried the DIY method for too many years. God’s only just recently gotten permission to come on in and make changes.

I was listening to Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued message today, in which she points out that peace and truth are frequently paired in scripture. 

One is not complete without the other. 

My so-called “peace-making” -- without truth-telling -- has actually been peace-FAKING.

Holding my tongue while lying about my feelings and lying about my needs has not been wise.

It’s not even Biblical.


Avoiding “Many Words”

I need to set a specific boundary before Thanksgiving rolls around. 

My natural urge is to explain myself until I feel completely understood. Until the other person “sees things from my point of view.” 

So right now, I’m working on surrendering my emotions about the situation to God.

And I’m praying now for the “necessary conversation” that is yet to come. That with no extra words, I will... 
  • ...state my need.
  • ...explain my plan.
  • ...listen.
  • ...surrender my emotions about the situation to God.




Your Turn:

  • How do you tend to respond when your requests are ignored?
  • In what ways have you tried to achieve peace without truth?
  • Anything else on your heart!

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TPC "lite": Losing vs. Blessing

Would you be willing to give me your input on a new PURSE-onality project? 
Take this survey, and I'll send you your choice of my CDs for free!


Replacing Baditude
"Blessing Bins" ready to go to church!
On Friday, I had an epiphany: I’ve been focusing on loss. 
I’m losing my beloved books.
Yes, I’ve tried to “gently” force...er...nudge myself through these necessary losses. 
But it’s still been all about loss.

  • De-cluttering.
  • Giving away. 
  • Getting rid of stuff.
All about what I will no longer have.
Loss.
But Friday, a new idea showed up via Luke 6:28: 
Bless.
And I started thinking entirely different thoughts:

  • Who can I bless with my books?
  • How can I be a blessing to others by sharing of my abundance?
  • How can my “too much” solve their “not enough”?
With God’s Word
On Day 20, I shared Florence Littauer’s “Silver Boxes” message about building others up with our words.
(Can't view image? Click here to read Ephesians 4:29!)
On Day 21, I wrote about learning to hold my tongue by holding God’s word in my heart and, ultimately, saying “yes” to His invitation to simply hold me.
(Can't view image? Click here to read Proverbs 10:19!)


I need to let go of my urge to build up a store of so-called “treasure” here on earth and devote my energy to building up the people in my life.
I need to Let God fill my life so much that I “consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Philippians 3:8)
I need to let go of the stuff I hold and practice, instead, holding God’s word until it’s the first thing to come to mind.
I need to Let God hold me when I feel like reaching for more stuff to comfort me.
And Gratitude

New bookshelves in women's class at church!
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…

  • … to quit building for myself; it never lasts.
  • … to quit holding onto things; they always disappoint.
Today I’m watching for…

  • … for more "stuff" that will bless those who need it and will use it!
  • … opportunities to build Jonathon and Daniel.
Today I’m appreciating…

  • … that holding my tongue is less difficult/painful than it was two months ago.
  • … do-overs for when I blow it like I did this morning!


Your Turn! 
  •  How might the difference between "loss" and "bless" applying to your de-cluttering of stuff and baditude?
  •  How might you change how you "build" and/or "hold"? 
  • Other thoughts / reflections / insights on today's topic?

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Day 21: HOLD


Our Give-Away for Today!

Arm Around Shoulder / Hand Over Mouth: Ten loving lessons for mothers and daughters-in-law


"Open these pages and let your heart and your life be transformed by love!!! You will discover fresh-flowing love for the very special people God has placed in your life. More than that, you will experience amazing insights on the secret for pouring His love into the lives of others. Open your heart to hear God's voice as you turn these anointed pages!"
Glenna Salsbury
Author of The Art of The Fresh Start

"Mimi is a gutsy gal whose relationship skills were forged in the crucible of a sometimes harsh life. But God sent her an angel, a mother-in-law with a heart of gold and an abundance of grace. Through this woman, Mimi let God transform her own life. Today she has opened to us all the rich store of advice and examples she gained in the process.
Beautifully presented, this book is full of illustrations of the balance between loving those special in-laws God sends us and receiving grace with humility, then passing it on. Thank you, Mimi, for showing us that in-lawing can work to the glory of God."
Ethel Herr
Christian Writer and Speaker
Mimi Moseley’s favorite saying is, “It’s never too late to be who you were meant to be.” A scared childhood could have produced a troubled adult had God not intervened. Mimi has served in various aspects of ministering to women for over 25 years. She and her husband, Marty, live in Northern California. They have two sons, Marty III and Matthew; two amazing daughters-in-law, Rebecca and Anna; and two adorable grandchildren, Marty IV and Malea. 
Mimi communicates her calling to encourage conference and retreat attendees, as well as one-on-one counseling, to cultivate practical changes, which enhances good relationships and gives hope to those facing hopeless ones. 

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Ever find yourself in the the middle of an argument, wondering how did I get here?
And how can I get out?
As the dust settles, you try to re-play the whole thing start-to-finish and discover huge gaps in your memory…
...like what started it? 
Half of what you said?
For several days, now, I’ve been trying to triage what I will prudently refer to as “the sorbet incident.” 
Problem is, I have no idea what Daniel said that set me off.
I do know I got defensive. 
I do know I “explained” my reasons for doing what I did.
But I do not know why I made such a big deal out of it. The whole thing could have been handled in 3-4 sentences, sans emotion. 
I want to say it started when Daniel said something about the sorbet.
Truth is, it started when I reacted to whatever Daniel said about the sorbet.
When I failed to “hold my tongue.”
When I failed to practice what I preached one short week ago when I wrote, “a priceless gift can be mine for the cost of silence: trust.”
Hold One at a Time
When our first dog was a puppy, she loved carrying things around in her mouth. We’d take her on walks, and she’d pounce on the first stick she saw, get it in her mouth, and proudly walk along holding it high. 
But soon, she’d spy a different stick. One short moral quandary later, she’d drop the first stick and pick up the new one.
Then she’d see a pine cone. Same process. We joked that she was moving the entire world forward ten paces at a time!
Since she could only fit one thing in her mouth at a time, she faced forced alternatives: this stick or that pinecone?
I face the same choice. 
Every time I open my mouth. 
What will it be: my words or God’s words? 
Either / or.
(I long for the day when it’s not a forced alternative. When I am so fluent in God that my words are His words!)
Hold His Words
(Can't see image? Click here to download Proverbs 10:19!)

Yes, it’s important to learn to “hold my tongue.” 
But I know from experience that if that’s all I do–exercise self-control in my own strength–I will end up with inflated self-confidence and pride.
Far more important is for me to hold God’s Word in my heart so that I have ready replacements when my own words aren’t worth saying!
I’ve been pairing replacement Bible verses to my thoughtless “pet phrases” of complaining+:
For example, I want...

“Why on earth…” to trigger Romans 8:37: “No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours though Christ, who loved us.”
“How could I have…” to trigger Ephesians 2:10: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
“I can not believe that (s)he…” to trigger Luke 6:27-28: “Love your enemies, do good tot hose who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
Your “pet phrases” are no doubt different from mine. But the whole point of The PURSE-onality Challenge is to actively replace that “baditude” with God’s word.

Hold Me
One reason “the sorbet incident” disturbs me is that I can’t remember what “pet phrases” I used. 
Probably several old favorites that are eluding capture, and I want to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
But when “the sorbet incident” started, what I wanted even more was to (a) be right and (b) revive an old grudge. 
I was deaf to God’s word...even to remembering my own words!
This is disheartening. 
Yes, partly because I am facilitating The PURSE-onality Challenge and would love to share nothing but success after success after success!
But mostly because I’m so tired of living in the aftermath of not holding my tongue and not holding God’s word. 
Tired of not remembering what I said, but knowing it was all wrong.
Tired of feeling like all I am is one big “sorbet incident.”
Tired of feeling like nothing ever really changes.
Better late than never, I remember God’s words: “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Yes, I am learning to hold my tongue.
Yes, I am learning to hold God’s word in my heart.
Right now, I just need Him to hold me.
Try this today:  (1) Start a list of your “pet phrases” and begin pairing them with replacement Bible verses (2) Listen to or read the lyrics to “Hold Me Jesus” as a reminder that the only lasting change comes because He holds you.


(Can’t see the embedded video? Click here to view/listen to “Hold Me Jesus”)

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Please leave a comment 

  • responding to today’s blog, and/or
  • sharing your Day #1-21 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
  • about anything else on your heart!

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    (Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)

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