Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts

My Major Problem with a Mini Promo


As our family waits for The Hobbit to start, five words in a pre-movie advertisement turn me into a crazy person.


Five words make me spontaneously shout, “That’s not true!”

(Which makes my son try to shrink his 6’ frame and my daughter try to shush me.)

It’s not the advertiser’s fault that their fancy five word phrase catches me the wrong way today. They’re just doing their job: selling fun, risk, and hope.

But tears sting my eyes as I furiously text a note to self:

"For me, 'Normal can never be amazing' is a LIE."

Here's why:


A normal Christmas Day would have been amazing.


To have Mother bustling about the kitchen, correcting all my cooking mistakes and calling out, “Harvey, the volume!” when Mozart’s concerto booms too loud in the living room. To have one of her enormous fresh flower arrangements in the middle of the table so we could play to play our yearly game of try-to-talk-through-the-centerpiece.

Instead, I spent four hours cooking alone in Mother’s kitchen while she lay on the couch, only vaguely aware of my presence or identity. 


A normal Monday back-at-school next week would be amazing.

To have Pastor Jon welcome our students back from Christmas break with his warm hugs and just-for-you smile. To have him lead another class discussion about how what the Bible says applies to nitty-gritty everyday living.

Instead, we will be shock-walking from class to class on Monday, in the throes of raw grief, wondering what we will do without the man who has lived the heart of God’s grace in this place for two decades. 


That Daddy is alive and almost back to normal is amazing.

After a New Year’s Day hike took longer than expected, my father fell 50 feet down a ravine where he waited for hours in the freezing darkness until the rescue helicopter was able to airlift him to safety. 

Instead of reeling from a second loss in two days, we are celebrating that his sprained ankle and scalp lacerations are healing.


For me to agree that
  • normal isn’t great...
  • normal isn’t fantastic...
  • normal can never be amazing...

...would say nothing about “normal” but speak volumes about my own capacity 
  • to see greatness.
  • to feel the fantastic.
  • to be amazed.

But I vehemently disagree.

I shouted, “That’s not true!” in the theater, I’ve been rehearsing it in my heart ever since, and I’m pounding it out here for anyone who’s read this far.

Normal can never be amazing” is a lie.

  • After almost 22 years of parenting, I know that one “normal” conversation between my strong-willed daughter and her stubborn-as-a-mule mom (which would be me) is so amazing that it deserves a holiday or postage stamp or fireworks or all three.
  • After a high-risk pregnancy and pre-term delivery, I know that a “normal” birth is mind-bogglingly amazing, and every time (okay, almost every time) my 6’ tall “preemie” annoys me I remember the incubator and am astonished anew.
  • After 25 years of marriage, I know that one more “normal” day together is a startlingly amazing gift to be treasured as if it’s our last...because it just might be. 

Part way through The Hobbit, Gandalf says, “Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I have found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.”

With this, I whole-heartedly agree.

And I re-commit to intentionally cherish -- by choosing amazement amidst the “normal” -- the people and life I am so lavishly blessed to call mine.


Your Turn:
  • What's your response to "normal can never be amazing"?  (Please feel more than free to disagree with me!)
  • When I invited Facebook friends to agree or disagree with "normal can never be amazing," a whole discussion of definitions ensued. How do you define "normal"?  "amazing"?
  • Anything else on your heart!




Coming in January!
Click here to Sign up to receive Cheri's FREE eBook when it releases!
This Really Got Me Link-up at Rethinking My Thinking

Why I Yelled at a Friend (+ What I Shoulda Done Instead)


I yelled at a friend on Monday.

Yes, he was the reason three students were late to class...
  • ...by 15 minutes...
  • ...on a timed AP essay day...
  • ...so they lost 50% of their time.

Yes, we've agreed not to hold students after chapel. That getting straight to class, on time, is of utmost importance.

Yes, I had a right to be disappointed. My kids had invested their time writing outlines ahead of time. I'd invested my time reading and responding to their outlines. I had high hopes that they'd do well.

But none of these are the real reason.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because
  • I have a son who turned 20 on Thursday, and 20-year-olds are not supposed to shoot anyone ever.
  • I have a daughter who was in first grade just yesterday and is now researching graduate schools that offer Fine Arts programs, but little Emilie Parker never will.
  • I overheard my students refer to two of my hardest-working colleagues as "lazy" and "inefficient" last week and I keep thinking If they say that about them, what on earth do they say about me?!?
  • I thought that by now, I'd be over the issues that plagued me in my 20s and 30s, but lately it feels like the harder I work the worse I get. I'm so astronomically high maintenance, I can't possibly be worth the upkeep or the collateral damage.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because I forgot how quickly I "max out" when strong emotions are coming at me from all sides.

I yelled at a friend on Monday because with so much going wrong, I needed something -- anything! -- to turn out all right.

If you're feeling close to yelling at a friend...or a spouse or a child or a parent...over something that's gone wrong, here's what I learned on Monday:  


Yelling at a friend won't make anything all right.

(I know, I know:  "No duh!")

I should have yelled for my Friend before I got in over my head.

(Fortunately, it's not too late!)



I love you, Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

The cords of death entangled me;  the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice;  my cry came before him, into his ears.

The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry.

Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.

He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.

He mounted the cherubim and flew;  he soared on the wings of the wind.

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded.

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them.

The valleys of the sea were exposed  and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:1-19



Your Turn!
  • Have you found yourself unusually "on edge" or reactive this week? If so, how have you dealt with it?
  • What is your go-to scripture when things are going wrong and you need to re-mind yourself of the One who makes everything all right?
  • Anything else on your heart!




Coming in January!

4 Classic Control-Freak Faux-Pas (Part 1)

During November and December, I'll be studying hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays".

This week, I'm giving away a copy of Karen Ehman's new book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith.  
“How’d the meeting go?” Daniel asks, thoughtfully remembering that I've had a lunch gathering with some colleagues.

“It was a complete and total DISASTER!” I say.

Daniel patiently hears my frustration, disappointment, and -- mostly -- confusion. 

All afternoon I try to figure out: 

What went wrong?

Six hours later, I’ve figured out four classic Choleric errors that contributed to the mess-up of the meeting. 


Faux-Pas #1:  Failure to Clarify the Goals and Agenda of the Meeting

I arrived ready to problem-solve.

I kept bringing us back “on task” and pushing us to “make progress.”

Now, if we’d all been in agreement that this was why we’d gotten together, this would have been appropriate. 

However, we weren't. 

At least one person needed to be heard and feel validated. I cut her off several times when I felt “we” were getting off track. And I made clarifying comments that she could easily have interpreted as dismissive.

Another person tried to smooth things over and change direction, but by then, I was frustrated. So I disengaged completely from the conversation.

No matter how much I want to justify my behavior as reasonable “under the circumstances,” the truth -- unflattering though it may be! -- is that I frustrated one colleague and disrespected another.   

Both could have been prevented if I’d started the meeting by asking, “What are we trying to do together here today?  Make decisions? Discuss options? Express concerns?  Seek solutions?”


Faux-Pas #2:  Failure to Make Sure My Energy Needs Were Met

Cholerics don’t have a problem with time-management; we’re used to getting a lot done in short periods of time. We’re super-duper efficient. 

But we often fail to recognize our struggles with energy-management.

Today’s meeting started at 12:30 PM, and my last meal had been at 7:00 AM. I was shaky from hunger. 

I’d not brought a water bottle to class with me, so I was dehydrated and headachy.

The night before, I’d stayed up ‘til 11:30 PM working on grades...2 full hours later than I normally go to bed...and yet I'd still gotten up with my 5:20 AM alarm. I was sleep-deprived.

I’d just spent 3 straight hours teaching teenagers in the library rather than my own classroom because of repair work being done. I’d had to move all my materials into the library, set everything up...then take it all back down and put it all away. I was spent.

So even before the meeting started, I was physically and emotionally depleted.

That morning, I had put a slice of quiche in a Tupperware, but I’d left it at home. My water bottle was empty. And I’d carelessly run late, so I’d been scrambling from the moment I arrived at school ‘til the meeting began.

Had I been proactive about food, water, sleep, and preparedness, I would have had far greater energy reserves going into the meeting.


(I'll share Faux Pas #3 & #4 in Part 2!)

(P.S. / Part 3: "The Worst 5th Control-Freak Mistake We Don't HAVE to Make"!)

LET. IT. GO.


My copy of LET. IT. GO. arrived today!  I found this section so appealing after such a gone-wrong day:

We can learn to practice the secret cheer of contentment: Let it go!  

As a result…
  • our nerves will be calmed.
  • our stress levels will deflate.
  • our tasks will be less about work and more about worship.
  • our decisions will become easier. 
  • we will experience more joy and less worry.
  • past experiences will begin to make sense.
  • our present will seem more doable.
  • our future will actually begin to come into focus.

Life becomes not about self but all about the Savior.



Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7



Your Turn:

  • How have conflicting agendas triggered control issues in your conversations?
  • What role might hunger, thirst, and fatigue play in your own control issues?
  • Anything else on your heart!


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Day 27: GUARD (How Obedience Brings Peace)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)
Day 21: HOLD (Hold Back, Let Go, and Step Up)
Day 22: FRUIT (I Didn't Think...I Was a People-Pleaser!)
Day 23: CLEANSE (A Holiday-Ready Home)
Day 24: REJOICE (We Share the Same Heart Rate) 
Day 25: NEAR ("Everything Else" or Emmanuel?)
Day 26: THANKSGIVING (5 Ideas for Daily Thanks-Living)


My #1 holiday issue is food.

Well, it’s not food, per se.

It’s more like my massive insecurities about other people's actions -- and especially their reactions to me -- which trigger an unconscious dash to the frig.




Or perhaps my oh-so-special ability to go from all together to completely unraveled in 10 seconds or less, which sends me ransacking cupboards for something sweet to sooth me or crunchy to chomp on.

Or even my freefall from high expectations to dismal disappointment -- usually with myself, but frequently with those close to me -- which ends up with an ice cream carton in one hand and a large spoon in the other.


Okay, so clearly my #1 holiday issue is the condition of my heart. 

The condition of my heart is revealed in how I relate to food.

And holidays are -- of course! -- ALL. about. food.


Nothing but God Gives Peace

Our women’s group is wrapping up our study of Lysa TerKeurst’s Made to Crave

I’ve been repeating one of Lysa’s go-to scripts:

“My weight loss goal is peace.”

It’s making a difference.

As I reach for the unopened package of Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips because I have such a huge stack of grading and (obviously!) deserve some sweetness in my life, I remember:

My weight loss goal is peace.

Will the chocolate chips give me peace?

No matter how delicious chocolate (especially Ghirardelli!) may taste momentarily, it has never once given me lasting
peace.

Only God offers -- and delivers -- lasting peace:


And the peace of God, 
which transcends all understanding, 
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 
Philippians 4:7 (NIV)


Never Negotiate with a Terrorist

Another line that’s sticking with me comes from Karen Ehman:

“Define your week by obedience, not by a number on the scale.”

Remember my “10 minutes on the elliptical” concept just a short week ago?

Well.

This morning, I couldn’t seem to muster up the energy for even 10 minutes.

So I dinked around on the computer, internally building my case for why I didn’t really need to spend 10 minutes on the elliptical.
  • I don’t want to become legalistic. 
  • It’s good to take a break now and then. 
  • Being spontaneous is a part of becoming less rigid and controling.

I lost 30 perfectly good minutes arguing with myself about spending 10 minutes on the elliptical.

30 exhausting minutes.

30 desperate, draining, demoralizing minutes.

Finally, frustrated beyond belief with my hard-hearted self, I marched out the elliptical, trotted in place for 15 minutes, and hit the shower.

What was all that about?


I allowed myself to get drawn into negotiations with a terrorist: 

Disobedience. 

The issue wasn’t exercise.

The issue was my willingness to start discussing something that God’s convicted me is an area of no compromise.

No compromise.

No discussion.


Just obedience.


Making My List (and Checkin’ it Twice!)

When I obey, the peace of God -- which transcends all human understanding (and all brands of chocolate!) -- guards my heart and my mind.


  • My insecurities dwindle.
  • I unravel less.
  • I expect less and hope more.

So I’m pray-paring my holiday “Guard My Heart and Mind” list.

I hesitate to share what’s on it, because the point isn’t the specifics. The point is responding as God convicts me. 

Since my major issues involve food, my list is likely to include some foods I’m going avoid -- out of obedience, not restriction or punishment -- until January. 

From years of experience, I know it'll be better to simply say, “No thank you!” rather than start negotiating when, where, how much, why not, what now, might as well have more, etc., etc., etc.

But my list won't just be about food.

Sarcasm is going to make my list...the harsh, cutting, defensive kind that I use to keep others at a distance.

Staying up too late will definitely make my list...the useless, time-wasting, just-one-more-little-thing which turns into oh-my-how-did-I-just-lose-2-hours and I’m-going-to-feel-like-garbage-at-5:30 AM kind of staying up too late.


This isn't about limitations. Rules. Don'ts.

It's about guarding my heart and mind.


Deciding now not to negotiate with the terrorist then.


Anticipating the peace that obedience brings.




Pray-Paring for the Best Christmas Ever

My holiday goal this year: 
peace.

Each day defined by
obedience.

With God on guard-duty 
over my heart and my mind,

My focus: 
thanks-living for the gift of Jesus.


Your Turn:
  • What is your holiday goal for this year?  
  • By what measure will you define your holy-days? 
  • What focus do you want for the holidays? 
  • Anything else on your heart!


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