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How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)
Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)
Day 2: CHOSEN - Making Right Holiday Choices
You know, the kind who caves in to her kids' whining in the candy isle of the grocery store...
The kind who tries to revise her own childhood by buying her own children everything that she wished she'd had when they were young...
The kind who tries to make up for disappointment, loss, or crisis by buying things to fix her children's feelings...
But six Christmases ago, I joined the ranks of those parents.
The Upheaval
Our family moved from the home we'd lived in for eleven years and left the school we'd taught at for fifteen.
Jonathon, our Phlegmatic, had only one question about the move: "Can we take our pets?"
Annemarie, our Choleric/Sanguine, however, was devastated. Inconsolable. She'd been a newborn in my arms during our interview, and she'd anticipated graduating with all the BFFs she'd had since kindergarten.
The busy months before our move were full of drama, trauma, and tears.
I felt so guilty.
Daniel and I knew we were answering God's call and following His leading. But I got swept into Annemarie's emotional turmoil.
By the time Christmas rolled around, it seemed so logical to buy everything on Annemarie's wish list. After all, she'd been through so much! She'd had to grow up overnight. She'd faced so much disappointment. She'd given up everything for the sake of the family.
I didn't realize it at the time, of course, but I was throwing money and things at the torn places in Annemarie's life, hoping they'd act as patches.
Hoping they'd hold her together. Hoping they'd help her feel whole again.
I didn't know how to
- suffer appropriately with my own child.
- listen without trying to fix.
- support her growth without undermining it.
- point her to our Father who makes each one of us complete.
Trying to Fill the Empty Places
When I posed the question, “What do you dread about the holidays?” via e-mail and Facebook, this response hit home to me:
“The chaos and busy-ness of the holiday season that we bring upon ourselves trying to fill the empty places in our hearts.”
I’ll tackle the “chaos and busy-ness” issue in a future blog. Right now, I want to linger on today’s word: COMPLETE.
So you also are complete
through your union with Christ,
who is the head over every ruler and authority.
Colossians 2:10 (NLT)
What makes me complete?
“So you also are complete through your union with new possessions”?
Oh, that’s what the advertisers want me to believe!
And somehow they got through to me. I denied myself, but boy did I “splurge” on my daughter.
I wanted so badly for her those “empty places” in her life to be filled.
But nothing outside of her union with Christ could make her complete.
Not then, not now, not ever.
Giving from God’s Abundance
Each family has its own gift-giving traditions.
- Some open gifts Christmas Eve; others open on Christmas.
- Some give one big gift; others give dozens of small ones.
- Some open gifts one-person-at-a-time; others do a free-for-all.
The problem with traditions is that sometimes we get stuck in them.
I’ve talked and e-mailed with dozens of women who would like to handle gift-giving differently. But they feel stuck doing what’s always been done.
These questions are not meant to tell you what you “should” do about gift-giving. They’re intended to spark conversations...that lead to prayerful consideration…that might lead to change.
1) How do I feel about my family’s approach to gift-giving?
- Does it keep Christ at the center of Christ-mas?
- Does it foster an atmosphere of joy and peace?
- Does it support our family’s budget?
2) Could we set boundaries on the cost of gifts and/or quantity of gifts?
- $10 or under?
- 1 per person?
- Draw names?
3) How about giving memorable experiences instead of things?
- Coupons for family game night, reading aloud, taking a walk?
- An outing to an amusement park?
- Plan a family get-away?
4) Might we forego physical gifts and support a worthy local or international project?
- Battered woman’s shelter?
- Disaster relief?
- Compassion International?
5) What service opportunity could we participate in as a family in lieu of gifts?
- In-reach to our local church members?
- Outreach to our local community?
Just Because (I’m So Done with So That!)
I'm not sure what gift-giving choices we’ll make this year.
We’ll probably do what we did a couple of years ago: send out family letters in early November, requesting no physical gifts. We already have so much more than we need, so much more than most.
We want to “reject the decadent culture of this world*” and invest in eternity...not more stuff that will end up at the Goodwill!
I’ve spent so many years “trying to fill those empty places.”
- Buying gifts so that I meet expectations.
- Going places so that others won’t be mad.
- Smiling big so that our holiday photo will look just as happy as everyone else’s.
But I’m so done with so that.
And I’m ready to learn to celebrate just because!
- Because I am LOVED, I will...
- Because I am CHOSEN, I will...
- Because I am COMPLETE, I will...
(I’m leaving these sentences unfinished...for now!)
Your Turn!
- What approach(s) to gift-giving do you find fulfilling and meaningful?
- What gift-giving change(s) might you consider this year?
- How would you like to finish one (or more) of the closing “Because I am ___, I will…” sentences?
- Anything else on your heart!
