Day 7: FREE (+ 14 Ways to Enjoy "Free" Holy-Days)

Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)

Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)

Day 2: CHOSEN - Making Right Holiday Choices

Day 3: COMPLETE (+ 5 Gift-Giving Questions)

Day 4: PURE (+ Goodbye, Ghosts of Christmas Past)

Day 5: RIGHTEOUS (+ Rituals vs. Relationships)

Day 6: FORGIVEN (+ The Story I Choose to Tell) 

Responding to last week's comments, I was struck by the fact that December 25 is the only day of the year when we attempt so much, expect so much, and often need so much in a 24-hour period!

We have this extraordinary list of things we “have” to do. The time-frame is completely unrealistic. But we judge ourselves on how well we accomplish the impossible.

For me, this insistence on “doing the same thing over and over again each holiday but expecting different results” results, ever-so-predictably, in temporary insanity.

There has to be a better way.

So now there is no condemnation 

for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 

And because you belong to Him, 

the power of the life-giving Spirit 

has freed you from the power of sin 

that leads to death.

Romans 8:1-2 (NLT)

Christ’s birth was meant to bring life-giving freedom, not keep us in the death-grip of bondage. 

So here, in no particular order, are

14 Ways to Enjoy "Free" Holy-Days!

1.  Commit to a “baditude”-free attitude. I may or may not be free to choose where I go, when I arrive, who I see, or what I do. But I am free to surrender my attitude to God and focus on gratitude.

2.  Break  free from anyone else’s standards of “the perfect holiday ______.” For example, our family photo. Last year, I was still concerned about “maintaining appearances” and sent the “my-what-a-lovely-family-we-are” card you see above. 

I wish I’d sent (or at least been brave enough to include) the bottom “glad-to-see-the-Gregorys-are-as-quirky-as-ever!” photo instead.  

3.  Explore the idea of going gift-free this year. Or perhaps re-gifting only. Or hand-made gifts using supplies we already have. Instead of relying on credit, reach for creativity! 

4.  Consider freedom from the constraints of December 24 or 25. Kimberlee’s family celebrates on “3 King's Day, January 6, and is usually able to save $ because the gifts are post-Christmas clearance.”

5.  Create gift-giving categories that free everyone from shopping stress. Leesa’s family gives “something thet want, something they need and something to read. The fourth gift is a game for all to share. The three gift rule helps keep things from getting out of hand.”

6.  Enjoy this free Focus on the Family radio broadcast: “Redeeming the Season” with Pam McCune and Kim Wier!

7.  Get ideas for breaking free of commercialization. Check out Bill McKibben’s challenging concept: Hundred Dollar Holiday––the Case for a More Joyful Holiday.

8.  Review a full week of "Redeeming Christmas" with Prairie Girl:  #1 and #3 are especially freeing (at least to me!)

9.  Set your children free from the "holiday-guilt game". I love Jennifer's intentionality now:  "Establish some family traditions that are ours, and maybe a bit unconventional because we know that when our sons grow up they will have their inlaws to consider and we will need to have alternate plans for the years they don't come "home" for Christmas, or if they, like us, choose to take the day to spend with their wives and children."

10.  Delegate. Do not "do it all". Great idea from Sarah R: "If having dinner at your house, make the main dish yourself and have everyone commit to bringing a side dish/dessert instead of doing it all yourself. That will free up a lot of time and stress."

11.  Keep worn-out parents free from "kid melt-downs." Keep children on a semi-schedule, with non-sweet meals, snacks, naps, and routine. This is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received. (Leesa C)

12.  Find free (or mostly free) family activities: looking for lights, drinking hot chocolate with peppermint stir sticks while playing games, allowing the boys to decorate their rooms with tinsel on greenery and nonbreakable ornaments, and the boys making gifts to give to one another.  (Leesa C)

13.  "My free-from thing this year is working on being free from other's expectations of what our personal family Christmas should be like. We have an enjoy our own traditions, some that others find un-important or silly. We are also untraditional in some ways. I am going to let the comments, well meaning or not, go this year." (Leesa C)

14.  Bless by request. "We draw names and have a determined price. It is so much easier than trying to buy for everyone! Also, I ask what they want so I get them something they really like or need." (Arlene F)

15.  Liberate via limits.  "After many years of buying gifts for 30+ family members, we made the decision to cut it down to our own children, parents, and younger nieces and nephews. In its place, we started taking part in Operation Christmas Child. There is something that makes it so special knowing that you are picking out items that a child can use and appreciate. This one decision to make our Christmas list more manageable has been so liberating and we are able to enjoy the time leading up to Christmas."  (Lori)

Feel "Free" to Contribute

Now that I’ve started the list, I need your help finishing it!  

In the comments, share one (or more!) idea(s) for greater freedom this season.  I’ll update this blog post over the upcoming days.  

(Don't stop just because we've reached 14...I’d love to hit 44! :-)

Your Turn!

• What holiday “freebies” can you recommend? (Leave links to great blog posts, articles, downloads, etc.!)

• What freedoms have you claimed for yourself and/or your family during the holidays?

• What other ways of being “free” this holiday season can you think of?

• Anything else on your heart!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

TPC "lite": Putting Unused Thank-You Notes to Use (Part 1)

(Welcome to a whole new week of drawings for YOUR choice(s) from these great prizes with several ways to enter each day! Click on the post title above to get to the blog and then scroll down to the Rafflecopter at the bottom of the post, or go to our Facebook page and click the Rafflecopter tab!)


(Part 1)

Why don't I write Thank You notes? 


As I've read e-mails and comments from Saturday's blog post, I've recognized several reasons. I'll share two "surface" ones today and save the "deeper" ones for Tuesday.

For me, excuses come too easily.

Sanguine:  “Oops! I forgot! Silly me…”  or “Did someone do something I should have noticed?”

Melancholy:  “I’m still trying to find the perfect card...words...pen...stamp…lighting...”

Choleric:  “It’s over and done.”  or  “They (should) already know.”

Phlegmatic:  “It’s too much effort.” or “They won’t notice if I do or don’t.”

I quit writing notes after one that hurt instead of helping. 

I didn’t mean to cause the damage I did. I wanted to offer comfort to a friend who had just suffered a miscarriage.  I prayed and labored over what to say in my note. But I quickly learned that I’d chosen the worst possible words.  (I was years from reading Lauren Littauer Briggs’ book The Art of Helping which has been a complete life-saver for this well-meaning bumbler!)

Old accusations and condemnations run through my head if I even walk into the note card isle:

• You don’t have the right thing to say.

• Worse, you say the wrong thing. At the wrong time. In the wrong way.

• You ruin everything. You are dangerous.

• Everyone is better off without you.

• Stay away.

I get overwhelmed when these messages come fast and furious.

I withdraw. I isolate. 

Then I recognize that I’m being selfish, and the shame just grows deeper. 

Replacing Baditude

G-e-n-t-l-y now. 

I’m not going to focus on weaknesses and start accusing or condemning. Instead, I choose acceptance and compassion for where I’m at, trusting God to lead me beyond.

When I focus on the messages that tell me I’m never good enough, my focus is on me.

No matter how real these messages feel, they still trap me in myself.

I’m not thinking about the other person: what she did, how she feels, how my note might brighten her day.

I’m only thinking of my self. (Which is why the name for this “baditude” is self-ish-ness!)

Staying stuck here is a complete weakness cycle: accusation ---> condemnation ---> contempt

The worse I feel, the more I need; the more I need, the more I take without gratitude; the more I take without gratitude, the worse I feel.

With God’s Word

On Day 7, I wrote about giving up our stories of (imagined) control and condemnation and telling, instead, our stories of how Jesus has set us free. 

(Can't view image? Click here to read Romans 8:1-2!)

I am free.  Of excuses. Of past mistakes. Of accusatory condemning messages.

I need to let go of the old stories the enemy puts on endless replay.

I need to Let God author my new life story of freedom.

And Gratitude

Practical “How to” advice from Thank You Note Writers:

1. Heart change

Imagine that you are the parent of a high school student. Which would express deeper gratitude to you:

“You are such a great mother.”

or

“Your son is such a reliable worker. I so appreciate his diligence and trustworthiness.”

Hands down, the second one, right?

So ask yourself:

• What if writing a Thank You note is not about me. Or even about the other person?

• What if writing a Thank You note to one of God’s children is a practice of praise to our Father? “And whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” Colossians 3:23 (KJV)

• What if I incorporate writing a Thank You note part of my morning devotions, as a demonstration of my gratitude to God?

• What if I make myself a Thank You Note Writing play list of thanksgiving scripture songs?  

(Pretty exciting “what if”s, dontcha think?!?)

2. Note-Writer Thinking

• Note-writers do not think, “I have to write this Thank You note to so-and-so.”  They think “I get to write this Thank You note to God via so-and-so!”

• They’re 100% intentional about making the note happen (not a bunch of if only, meant to, thought about, woulda-coulda-shoulda.)

• Note-writers allow no resistance; their beliefs are integrated with behaviors. (Negotiating Do I feel like writing the note right now? How about tomorrow? day in and day out is actually harder. And it wastes far more time than writing the note!)

• Note-writers schedule time on their calendar to write and mail notes. One commenter mails hers on Monday so they’ll arrive prior to the weekend. That’s intentionality!

• After a large event, when they have a stack of notes, note writers do not think, “I’ll never get this done” (paving the way to become a self-fulfilling prophecy!)  Instead, they calculate how many they need to write per day and get started.  (Several said that they pre-address envelopes prior to the event, making for a faster process after.)

3. Supply Stockade

• Have a stash! Start with a variety of note cards. (But avoid odd-shaped envelopes that might require more than one “Forever” stamp.)

• Stock up on STAMPS!  (#1 tip)

• Order or print your own return address labels. Tons.

• Keep your address book up to date. (When in a pinch, try www.whitepages.com!)

• Discover your “favorite pen” and buy several. It should be comfortable to hold and smear-free after you’ve written. (I love my Pilot Dr. Grip pens!)

• Create a Note Card LIST to keep track of who you need to write to, why you’re writing, what to include, when you mailed the card, etc. (This would save me the embarrassment of e-mailing people to ask if they received (a) no note, (b) one note, or (c) duplicate notes...which I have done more than once!)

• Keep note-writing supplies at your fingertips: in your car, purse, Bible, nightstand, by the TV, etc.

Check back for Part 2 tomorrow! 

"Putting Unused Thank You Notes to Use – Part 1"

"Putting Unused Thank You Notes to Use – Part 2"

Day 7: FREE (+ Reason Why #4)

Our Give-Away for Today!

Just Too Busy: Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical

Just Too Busy is the true story of the Kraft family's head-on collision with busyness and the twelve-month experiment that changed their lives. When their children could recite the dollar value meals at McDonalds faster than their times-tables, they knew something was very wrong. So, instead of continuing their bad habits and fitting more into their schedules, they took a year off from all activities and learned how to be a family again. 

In this book, readers will laugh their way to learning the ten tell-tale signs that they are too busy and discover the symptoms for a common disorder known to moms today: A.D.D. (Activity Denial Disorder). Families will find simple ways to guard themselves from the temptation of constant distraction.


Joanne Kraft has a passion for encouraging women. A sought-after speaker, Joanne has been published in Today's Christian Woman, In Touch, ParentLife, Kyria, and P31 Woman Magazine. Her family is in the midst of moving from California to Nashville, TN. "Like" Joanne on Facebook and check out her website! 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Why We G.R.I.P.E.

Continuing our exploration of the 5 goals of complaining+ (via the acronym G.R.I.P.E):

P = Power

Complaining is a natural language for taking CONTROL of a situation.

You’ve seen it happen. Everyone in a planning group is excited about a new idea that’s gaining momentum.

And then the lone dissenter speaks:  “It will never work!  Whose lame-brain idea was this?”

And what happens to the energy in the room? 

To the overall atmosphere of the planning session?

Swaying others to agree or intimidating people to back down are classic Choleric “I’m-in-control-here” power plays.

Hi, My Name is Cheri...

...and I’m a Control Freak

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who tried to be good.  I grew up knowing all the rules, and wanting to follow them.  

I was a “good girl.”

By my freshman year of high school, everyone expected me to be good, so I decided to aim for perfect scores on every single Geometry test the entire year.  With enormous effort, I pulled this off for two full quarters . . . until, in disbelief, I watched Mr. Vickers red pen mark “minus 1” on my “perfect” test.  I ran from the room, hid behind the gym, and cried for 2 hours. 

Well, that minus 1 may have knocked me down, but I was no quitter.   I decided what I really needed was a 4.0 GPA for all four years of high school.  Wouldn’t that be the ultimate in being a GOOD girl?

A Very Good Girl

In my journal, that October, I wrote: 

I’m expected to bring home good grades -- nobody seems to realize that I DO have to work for them!  They don’t just happen!  

I’ve learned not to expect praise for anything I do, but somewhere inside me the little girl still drops a tear or two when it doesn’t come.  I could let it get me down and just stop trying, but I still have to do my best for me -- a hard taskmaster.  

But, even though I’ve written all this, it doesn’t bother me a lot. In fact, I didn’t realize half of it before it came out of my pen!  I live with it, though at times, I am just a bit wistful.

What started out as a personal challenge became a drive to “succeed” at all cost.  And I defined “succeed” as doing lots of GOOD things and being very GOOD at them:  4.0 GPA, yearbook editor, Student Body Religious Vice President, plus community volunteer work.

Secret Control

What I didn’t know at the time is that my family needed me to succeed -- needed me to be a very GOOD girl.  All I knew was that I had a secret, and it was driving me crazy.

My older brother had “confided” in me that he was doing drugs.  Pot, heroine, cocaine, and others I’d never heard of.  And along with all the sordid details, came the dire warning, “but don’t you dare tell Mother and Daddy!”  That day, I picked up a burden far too great for a 14-year-old to bear.

Night after night I lay awake, wondering if he’d come home safely or if we’d get a knock on the door from a police officer.  Day after day for one long year, I struggled.  Keeping the secret didn’t seem to be what a GOOD daughter would do.  Telling my parents didn’t seem to be what a GOOD sister would do.  I didn’t know what to do, and I had nobody to turn to for help.  I felt so alone.

Finally, during one sleepless night when he still wasn’t home at 3:00 am, I slipped, and the truth came out.  My brother was so angry with me because I wasn’t supposed to tell!  My parents were so angry with me because I hadn’t told them sooner.

In my journal that day, I wrote:  

I really don’t know how to feel or what to do -- I’m sort of dead to it all, now. Somehow it doesn’t effect me, yet it must; I guess I’m shying away from the pain as long as I can.

And then, on a seemingly unrelated subject:  

I’m starting a diet today.

The Control Trap

And did I ever get “GOOD” at that diet.  Over the next year, as the turmoil of my brother’s issues raged loudly in the house, I quietly lost pound after pound after pound . . . and proudly became thinner and thinner and thinner.  My periods stopped.  My hipbones stuck out.  


My entire focus in life narrowed down to being GOOD at this one thing:  losing weight.

Well, I was so “good,” I was admitted to an inpatient Eating Disorder Hospital program with the diagnosis of Anorexia.  Six weeks of therapy, assertiveness training, and nutritional counseling had minimal effect. 

All I’d ever wanted was to be a “good girl,” and I was really good at this weight loss thing.  And I was no quitter!  I was not ready to give it up, yet -- maybe once lost a little more and hit my goal (85 pounds) but not before.

Controlled to Death

One night, after a particularly rough family counseling session -- “rough” because my counselor was once again pushing me to share my feelings with my parents, something a GOOD girl was not going to do -- I opened my Bible, hoping to read myself to sleep.  In Psalm 18, I read:

The cords of the grave coiled around me;

the snares of death confronted me.

This jarred me awake.  I realized this was me!  I was dying.  Anorexia was not just a diet. Anorexia was committing suicide...slowly.

In my distress I called to the Lord;

I cried to my God for help!

Really?!?  There was someone I could go to for help?  I was not alone?  I was in “distress” and I could call to God for help?!

The earth trembled and quaked,

and the foundations of the mountains shook;

they trembled because he was angry.

God’s response was dramatic -- he was angry, but not at me -- he was angry for me!  I read on and found that His version of “help” included lightning bolts, thunder, and earthquakes.  


I was WOWed!  Here was someone I could trust to really take control of my out-of-control life!

 

Rescue

And on that day, 27 years ago, this last line read as a personal note from God to this wistful little girl who just wanted to be good enough to be loved:  

He rescued me because he delighted in me. 

Not because of my perfect performances, not because of my 4.0, not because I was Religious Vice Anything.  

God delighted in me!  

God delighted in me.  

God delighted in me!  

From Very Good Girl to Very Good News

(Can't see image? Click here to download Romans 8:1-2)

The details of your life story no doubt differ from mine.  

Perhaps, in your own way, you’ve tried to be a “good girl." Good enough to be loved.  

Whatever your “once upon a time” has included thus far, God, "the author and finisher of our faith,” loves writing our stories of freedom. 

When we give Him control, our stories no longer dwell on condemnation.

When we give Him control, our stories celebrate belonging.

When we give Him control, our stories overflow with the power of the life-giving Spirit.

When we give Him control, we will have good news to tell and re-tell: our stories of how Jesus has set us free!




Try this today:  Write out your testimony of how Jesus has set you free. Share it by e-mail, on your blog, in our comments, and/or by reading it aloud to someone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

To enter today’s drawing, leave a comment 

• responding to today’s blog, and/or

• sharing your Day #1-7 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or

• about anything else on your heart!

All drawing winners will be announced ASAP!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)