Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!
Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)
I sympathize with this “holiday issue” a reader shared:
“Every year, we’re asked about specific wishes, preferences, even needs. And every year, our specific wishes, preferences, and needs are completely ignored. Why do they even ask? Why do I still respond?”
Nothing used to make me see red faster than having someone ask for my input...and then disregard it.
Like asking me what the kids need for Christmas...and then giving them everything but.
A close second was when I give my input because the situation called for it...and it was disregarded.
Like when I’d clearly state, “The kids have had enough sugar for today”...and then I’d walk into the kitchen to find 5th and 6th scoops of ice cream being served to them under the excuse of holiday joy.
Hold Back
When words are many, sin is not absent
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19 (NIV)
Holding my tongue has been deceptively easy for me.
I thought I was more self-controlled than most people. What I’m just now learning is that I’ve been more of a people-pleaser than most people.
My tongue-holding wasn’t the result of spiritual maturity.
My tongue-holding wasn’t the result of spiritual maturity.
It was the result of stuffing my true feelings
And numbing myself with food. Shopping. Meddling in other people’s lives.
Let Go
True “holding back” isn’t about stuffing.
It’s about surrendering.
Confessing and surrendering my emotions to God.
- My indignation.
- My frustration.
- My hurt.
- My anger.
- My dismay.
- My “how-could-they.”
- My “after all I’ve done for them.”
Evaluating and surrendering the non-deal-breaking circumstances to God.
- The this-is-such-an-inconvenience.
- The boy-does-this-ever-irk-me.
- The I-can’t-believe-they’re-giving-me-this-again.
- The clearly-nobody-listens-to-a-word-I-say.
- The why-do-I-even-bother.
Step Up
And then comes the hard part:
setting boundaries.
Which I confess to knowing very little about, because this is an area in which I’ve tried the DIY method for too many years. God’s only just recently gotten permission to come on in and make changes.
I was listening to Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued message today, in which she points out that peace and truth are frequently paired in scripture.
One is not complete without the other.
My so-called “peace-making” -- without truth-telling -- has actually been peace-FAKING.
Holding my tongue while lying about my feelings and lying about my needs has not been wise.
It’s not even Biblical.
Avoiding “Many Words”
I need to set a specific boundary before Thanksgiving rolls around.
My natural urge is to explain myself until I feel completely understood. Until the other person “sees things from my point of view.”
So right now, I’m working on surrendering my emotions about the situation to God.
And I’m praying now for the “necessary conversation” that is yet to come. That with no extra words, I will...
- ...state my need.
- ...explain my plan.
- ...listen.
- ...surrender my emotions about the situation to God.
Your Turn:
- How do you tend to respond when your requests are ignored?
- In what ways have you tried to achieve peace without truth?
- Anything else on your heart!
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