“God is concerned with your attitude and your obedience.”
“Become skilled at staying calm and looking for Christ.”
The Letter
Two weeks ago, this was my Facebook status update:
Arrived home to an anonymous letter of complaint written "out of care and concern." Silly me for thinking "care and concern" might involve a face-to-face conversation...and maybe even a hug. Guess true "care and concern" involves kicking someone when they're down...in the dark.
Unfortunately, I didn’t stick around long enough to read the 48 wise, supportive comments that soon followed.
Instead of choosing to Let. It. Go., I opted to “let it all out.”
The Books
The anonymous letter criticized me for having a particular book in my classroom. So I acted on my initial impulse by jumping in my car, driving to my classroom, and loading up every single book.
From all 25 bookshelves.
As I packed up my books, I sobbed my heart out about
- Anonymous’s insensitivity.
- The injustice of such a thing happening to me. Now, of all times.
- The relentless barrage of criticisms I hear as a teacher. And the scarcity of “atta girl”s.
The next morning, when I told Daniel what I'd done, he was peeved. “You let them win! What did you do that for?”
“It made me feel better!” was my only defense.
After he left for work, I added, “Unsupportive husband” to my list of woes.
The Justifications
Yes, I was exhausted when I read the letter. I’d just come home from spending the weekend with my family, making end-of-life decisions about my mother.
And yes, to some degree, the books were symbolic of my mother. A reading specialist, she taught me and my children how to read. And only hours before, my brother and father and I had discussed inviting guests to bring favorite children’s books to Mother’s memorial service.
So yes, Anonymous’s “love note” was the proverbial last straw.
The Choices
But in the days that followed, I felt dismayed by my rash response to a piece of paper with a bit of ink.
Over the last few years, God’s been teaching me how to be less of an Anxiety Girl and more of a peace-and-contentment kinda gal.
I was disconcerted by quickly Anxiety Girl had shown up and taken over.
So I finally asked Him how I’d contributed to that last straw. And He lovingly but accurately reminded me that
- I’d pre-determined to skip the airplane snacks. But once aboard, when the honey-roasted peanuts were offered, I suddenly said, “Sure!”
- I’d planned to content myself with hotel coffee. But after landing at ONT, my first stop was Starbucks for a tall extra whipped cream mocha and a slice of lemon pound cake (which I don’t even like, but they were out of cranberry scones.)
- I’d checked our family budget and discovered that my next new clothes purchase would be late July. But before arriving at my parents’ house, I’d stopped at not one, not two, but three Dress Barn stores.
The Issue
Stay with me, now.
The issue here is neither food nor funds.
The issue is that I said “yes” to a self-ish desire when I’d already been convicted to say “no.”
I’d planned to say “no.”
But when the test of character came, I said, “Yes!” without hesitation.
The Lesson
My rash response to Anonymous’s letter was the direct result of all the little yes-to-self choices I’d made in the days prior.
Had I obeyed God instead of my own cravings, I would have increased my skill at “staying calm and looking for Christ.”
Instead, I increased my skill at staying self-ish and looking for excuses to match my baditude.
Instead, I increased my skill at staying self-ish and looking for excuses to match my baditude.
I say this not to beat myself up but to cement the cause-and-effect relationship between seemingly unrelated choices.
The best defense against circumstances outside of my control is a healthy dose of self-control.
Even–or perhaps especially!–when it comes to the seemingly small choices.
Your Turn!
- What have you learned from a "let it all out" (vs. Let. It. Go.) experience?
- How important do "small choices" seem in your daily life?
- When you feel like losing control, how do you stay calm and exercise self-control?
- Anything else on your heart!
