Desperation in Mothering ( +Give-Away of "Desperate"!)

• I am ruining my kids’ lives.

• It’s going to take years of therapy to un-do the damage.

• They deserve someone better than me.

By the time my kids were pre-schoolers, these thoughts ran through my head pretty much non-stop.

I Tried at Church

I’d started out with such optimism, sitting in the front row with my newborn and toddler when Daniel was appointed pastor of a small congregation. I so wanted our little family to worship together. 

But reality soon settled in...as I settled into the “Mothers’ Room.” (Although it was was more like “The Mother’s Room,” as I was the only woman in the congregation with small children!)  

Week in and week out, I entered my “isolation chamber,” feeling more and more distanced from the adults in church.

I Tried at Home 

I’d vowed not to be perfectionistic like my own mother. I wanted to be a fun, spontaneous, involved mom who focused on her children and really knew them.

But chaos soon settled in, bringing hordes of dust bunnies along. I invited friends over a few times, but each time I noticed the other moms rolling their eyes at my woefully inept housekeeping “skills.”  

When the reciprocal invitations came, I felt ashamed as I compared their beautifully-decorated, white-carpeted homes to my mess. I stopped inviting other mothers into to my home and felt even more alone.

I Tried a Moms’ Group 

I’d joined a local moms group that sponsored play dates at the park. Oh, how I longed for sympathetic mom-to-mom conversations! 

But disillusionment soon settled in. I came to dread the polarizing conversations that dominated what should have been casual chit-chat:  

• plastic vs. cloth?!?

• bottle vs. breast?!?

• crib vs. family bed?!?

• Ferber vs. Snugglie?!? 

The more heated the debates became, the more bewildered I felt. Why were we arguing? What good was this doing any of us? Why couldn’t we just support each other?  When I finally realized that I felt more alienated at the group than home alone, I quit.

Desperate

When Sarah Mae posted on Facebook, months ago, that her publisher was afraid that “Desperate” wasn’t a good title for her book, I responded with immediate vehemence: 

OH, how quickly I would have snatched up a book called Desperate when my children were little!

Sarah Mae calls it “the book that came out of my secret whispers, the ‘I just can’t be a mother today’ whispers to God.

And almost two decades later, I remember those days...and those whispers.

I remember feeling 

• desperate for someone who understood my struggles because she’d been through the same ones herself.

• desperate for someone who could tell me, “You’re all going to be okay!”

• desperate for someone with a few years under her belt who could talk me through the gap between who I was as a mom and who I wanted to become. 

Desperate is more than just a book. Through it, Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson are launching “A no-more-desperate-moms movement.” For more details, you can read more about it, enter the release week give-aways, and watch the promo video!

I’m giving away a copy of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe this week. Enter via the Rafflecopter below!

Your Turn!

• If you’re a mother, what has made you feel most “desperate”?

• Why do women get into ____ vs. ____ conversations? 

• How can we be more supportive of each other while maintaining our integrity?

• Anything else on your heart!

---

Coming in January!

Click here --> to sign up

to receive Cheri's FREE eBook when it releases!

---

Looking for a simple way to keep scripture close at hand?

Click HERE for full details!

31 laminated cards in an organza draw-string bag...

images and word spacing designed to enhance memory

---

a Rafflecopter giveaway

FREE "Overwhelmed" eBook from The M.O.M. Initiative!

(Today's blog is a guest post by Stephanie Shott of The M.O.M. Initiative where I'm a contributing member.)

NOW, more than ever, moms need mentoring mommas who are willing to share the gift of themselves!

NOW, more than ever, Titus 2 mommas are ready to step up to the plate and pour their lives into moms!

YOU CAN BE PART OF THE REVOLUTION

OF WOMEN WHO ARE READY AND WILLING TO

TAKE TITUS  2 TO THE STREETS!

BEGIN a M.O.M. Initiative Mentor Group in your area and begin to change the world, one mom at a time!

We have provided a 6 week experience with 31 stories from real moms who have walked in the shoes of the overwhelmed mom and found hope, healing and victory through walking with God and applying biblical truths to everyday life.

In Overwhelmed ~ 31 Stories from M.O.M., they share their stories.

Overwhelmed releases on January 7th, and it is our gift to the body of Christ…a FREE resource to help you begin or expand your mentoring ministry. Like Facing Our Fears ~ 31 Stories from M.O.M., Overwhelmed gives mentors the tools, the confidence and the support they need to boldly step into their Titus 2 shoes and nurture those mentor/mentee relationships.

THIS IS OUR GENERATION to make a difference for such a time as this.

The M.O.M. Initiative is here for you. To be a “mentoring hub” of sorts. A place where mentors can find resources and support and share their information, so that young moms in search of a mentor can find a mentor in their area, as well as the support and encouragement they need.

NOW IS THE TIME! 

WILL YOU JOIN THE REVOLUTION OF WOMEN WHO ARE WILLING AND READY TO PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

SIGN UP TODAY and you will receive Overwhelmed ~ 31 Stories from M.O.M. 

In Overwhelmed, each story includes reflective questions specifically designed to serve as conversation prompts and help foster the mentor/mentee relationship as you navigate the life of an overwhelmed mom together.

Here’s a brief look at what a mentoring ministry might look like for you:

• Schedule a time and place to meet weekly for six weeks.

• You and the mentee will read through 5 stories each week and be prepared when you meet together each week.

• As a mentor, you can rest in knowing, this biblically-based resource includes questions at the end of each story that are specifically designed to be a catalyst for conversation. This will give you, as a mentor, the confidence to know you won’t have to worry about that awkward silence that would normally leave you scrambling for something to say.

• The questions are also written to help you, as a mentor, reflect on your own story and share your failures as well as your successes with the kind of sincere transparency that will assure your mentee that she is not alone and that her mentor isn’t Pinterest perfect either.

• Your time together is a tool to nurture a relationship that will hopefully last long past the book.

Your Turn:

• If you're a mother, have you had a mentor? Who? Has it been a formal or informal relationship?

• Who have been your primary mentors in life (parenting or otherwise)? What vital lessons have you learned from your mentor(s)?

• Anything on your heart!

---

Coming in January!

Click here --> to sign up

to receive Cheri's FREE eBook when it releases!

---

Looking for a simple way to keep scripture close at hand?

Click HERE for full details!

31 laminated cards in an organza draw-string bag...

images and word spacing designed to enhance memory

10 Lessons I've Learned from My 20-Year-Old

1st birthday & 2nd Christmas!

It's official.

I am no longer the mother of a teenager.

Jonathon turned 20 today.

I tried to think about all the things that make him the unique kid...er...young man he is. 

But rather than try to describe him in flowery prose, I thought I'd simply share some of the things I never would have learned without him in my life over the last two decades.

1.  C4 = the Combination to Any Lock

Jonathon's nickname is "Rico": as in "Kaboom-kaboom-kaboom?"..."Enough with the dynamite already!" (think Madagascar penguins!)

2.  Goodwill: the Only Place to Shop

Jonathon wears shorts and t-shirts year-round. He shops at the Goodwill because he hates the idea of paying full price. He goes on Wednesday because all clothes are 1/2-price. (Needless to say, he has more money in savings than the rest of the family combined!)

3.  I Need an Official Conscience

I nick-named Jonathon "Jiminy Cricket" back when he was just a little tyke because of the way he insisted on keeping me on the straight and narrow. No bending of rules or truth allowed!

4.  The Importance of The Stick.

I learned years ago never to ask, "What is this?" when encountering a new stick on the couch or in the bathtub. Jonathon would simply say, "A stick?!?" in a voice that communicated, "You can identify foreshadowing in literature but you don't recognize a simple stick when you see one?"  Boys and sticks. Don't get it. No longer question it.

5.  There's No Such Thing as Enough Pizza

Jonathon's favorite food is pizza, and he's become quite the gourmet pizza-maker. We discovered this fabulous counter-top pizza oven when he headed off to college. I now have several of them for when I need to feed a crowd!

6.  How to Make a Beatnik Costume

During his senior year, Jonathon's class threw a 50's-themed party. Most of the boys dressed in jeans, white t-shirts, and slicked-back hair. However, Jonathon's full beard presented a non-negotiable obstacle to achieving the James Dean look. Amazingly, we were able to find a black turtleneck and beret at Ross in May, and he was the token Beatnik of the bash!

7.  Quartets are Habit-Forming

Yes, his father's been part of a gospel quartet for over a decade. But still, there's something amazing about seeing my boy get up front with his buddies and hearing them break out in four-part harmony!  (And in case you're worried that I can't count, they added an honorary 5th member when they did Valentine's Day singing telegrams!)

8.  Shorts are All-Weather Clothes

When I was a kid, I hated being forced to wear a jacket or even a sweater. I was never cold, so I always stripped off the item and lost it. Then I got into trouble for losing something I hadn't wanted to wear in the first place! So when it became clear that Jonathon inheritied my thermostat and he said he didn't need pants for daily wear, I didn't buy them for him. (Okay, that's not quite the full truth: I always bought one pair at the Goodwill, just in case...which never actually happened!) Now, he's made quite a name for himself as the kid who wears shorts regardless of the weather. 

9.  Lego Video Games Have No Age Limit

I have to confess that I teared up a little when Jonathon texted me that he'd like the Lego Lord of the Rings video game for Christmas. So glad he's not all grown up quite yet!

10.  Introverts are Powerful People

I've known since Jonathon was a toddler that he's a true-blue introvert. So when I was offered a pre-publication copy of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, I jumped at the chance to order it. As soon as it arrived, I gave it to Jonathon who read it cover-to-cover, and handed it back back with the admonition, "Mom, you need to read this." (He was so right!)

Your Turn:

• What's an important lesson you've learned from a child or teenager or young adult in your life?

• What's an important addition to your life that came into your life because of a child, teen, or YA?

• Anything else on your heart!

---

Coming in January!

Sign up to receive Cheri's FREE eBook when it releases!

---

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Brag on Your Child According to Their PURSE-onality!

During November and December, I'll be diving into a personal Bible study of hope. I'll be sharing what I learn here, in a series called "Hope for the Holidays and Everydays."

Each week, I'll be giving away a book. This week's title is 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids by Kathi Lipp, with personality assessment and applications contributed by yours truly! Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click to enter here.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Some of you have asked if there's a "test" you can use to figure out your child's PURSE-onality type. I'm thrilled to say that as of this week, there is! My good friend, speaker and writer extraordinaire Kathi Lipp, is doing a "5 Day Connect With Your Kids Challenge" this week, and on Day 1 she shared this brand new link:  Discover Your Child's Personality Type!

Which ties into the hope scripture I've been pondering today:

Discipline your children, for in that there is hope...

Proverbs 19:18a

Looking back at my almost 22 years of parenting, I see how quick I was to discipline in terms of "correction" and "punishment."

But if I could go back and do it all over again, I would spend more time disciplining in terms of "teaching" and "guiding" and "encouraging": true discipleship. 

Now that they're young adults, my children tell me that when they were younger, they really didn't sense how much I enjoyed seeing them use the unique gifts God gave them. I wish I'd been more affirming. 

Today, it's my honor to welcome Kathi as guest blogger to talk about how to...

Brag on Your Child According to Their Personality  

by Kathi Lipp

Tell someone else how great your kid is in a way that best suits his or her individual personality.

Make the Connection:

My son Justen is an excellent writer. I love reading his stories. I literally beam with pride every time he finishes a story and have to stifle the impulse to call my friend at the bookstore and warn her that a bestseller is on the way. He's that good.

I could go on and on about how great he is... but I just can't tell him. 

Why? 

Because he hates it.

A few weeks ago, I said to him, "I love what a creative writer you are!"

He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "I don't even know why you're telling me this." As if it were causing him grief to have to spend the energy listening to me.

Justen is part amiable: He's thoughtful and adaptable and nurturing... but he's also very pensive and private and slightly mortified to hear his mom go on and on about his work. So, I've learned that a well-timed "nice job on that" says a lot more than hours of gushing.

My gushing was well-intentioned -- I was proud of him and he really is a great writer. But, my delivery? Well-intentioned or not, it didn't work. So instead of beaming with pride at my words, he scoffed. I now know that for him, less is more. Timing is everything. And my gushing on and on only makes me seem insincere.

I want you to brag on your kids in a way that really makes them proud of their accomplishments -- and in a way that is best received by their individual personality type. So for this challenge, I want you to brag on your child in a way that makes them feel loved, appreciated and proud.

Make Connecting Fun:

It's one thing to brag about your kids. It's an entirely different thing to brag about them in the way that they best understand affirmation. In their personal brag language, if you will. 

My friend Cheri Gregory explains exactly how to do that for each personality type in this free download Bragging on Your Child Based on their Personality. A little cheat sheet, if you will, to help you brainstorm on how best to encourage your child.

About 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids

Parents spend a good chunk of time making sure their kids are okay--they're getting good grades, doing their chores, and doing just enough cleaning that their rooms won't be condemned if the Board of Health happens to drop by. 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids offers a straightforward, workable plan to create new avenues of connection between parents and their kids. This handy guide coaches moms and dads to do one simple thing each day for three weeks to connect with their kids.

Daily connection ideas include:

• planning a family fun night

• telling your child what you like about them

• developing a character growth chart

• writing a love note to your child

• working together on a family project

Written in Kathi's warm and compassionate but thought-provoking tone, this book will motivate parents to incorporate great relationship habits into their daily lives and give them confidence that they can connect with their kids even in the midst of busy schedules.

About Kathi Lipp

Kathi is the author of seven books including 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids, The Husband Project, and Praying God’s Word for Your Husband. She speaks 60-70 times a year to women across the US about loving God and loving those God has put in their path. She and her husband Roger are the parents of four young adults and survived blending all those kids (when they were teens.) Find Kathi at KathiLipp.com

Head to Kathi's blog for some great freebie downloads: $15 Family Fun Nights, 50 Ways to Connect With Your Son, and 50 Ways to Connect With Your Daughter. 

Oh, and if you haven't already "Liked" Kathi on Facebook, I think you'll actually LOVE her!

Your Turn:

• What specific verbal affirmation do you know really blesses a special person in your life?

• What does "discipline your children" mean to you?

• Anything else on your heart!

a Rafflecopter giveaway