Showing posts with label FRUIT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FRUIT. Show all posts

Day 22: FRUIT (I Didn't Think...I Was a People-Pleaser!)


Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!  

Enter via the Rafflecopter at the end of the blog post or click here to enter!

Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality's Take on Truth)
Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
Day 19: BLESS (Your Feelings Can Help You Choose)
Day 20: BUILDING (20+ Ways to Build with Words)
Day 21: HOLD (Hold Back, Let Go, and Step Up)



I thought I was “just” a recovering perfectionist.

Sure, when I launched the “Women Trying to Measure Up” survey in June, I included several other issues: performance-orientation, procrastination, and people-pleasing. 

But I knew they were other people’s problems, not mine.

So I was stunned to find that my readers' comments about people-pleasing (a “non-issue” for me, remember!)  centered on two words that totally describe me:  

resentful and bitter.


People-Pleaser: Who, Me?

I was baffled. 

My inner feelings fit the profile of a people-pleaser. 

But I did not see myself as a people-pleaser. 

At. All.

Oh, how I hated the idea of being a people-pleaser!

But I hated the idea of being a resentful bitter woman even more.

 So I did a most dangerous thing. 

I prayed that risky prayer: “Lord, open my eyes. Help me to see what I’ve been unable (or unwilling) to see.”


The Loaned Thumb Drive

The very next day, God took me up on my offer.

It was Career Day at school, and my only task was to “monitor” the students who came in and out of my classroom to hear the two presenters. The kids were attentive; the realtor and architect were superb. 

I was under no stress. In fact, I was relaxed.

Then one of my students dashed into the room, gasping, “Mrs. G! My mom needs a thumb drive!”

Knowing his mother was presenting in another classroom, I reached into my purse, grabbed the first thumb drive my fingers touched, and tossed it across the room to him.

He thanked me.

I felt victorious. 

The entire exchange took less than 10 seconds.


 The All-Important Thumb Drive

 A few days later, I sat down at my laptop to grade my English II students’ Hero Presentation PowerPoints. 

I reached for the three thumb drives I knew were in my purse and froze when I only found two.

Oh yeah, I loaned one. 

Worry knotted one corner of my stomach.

No, I’m sure odds are in my favor. I still have two of the three thumb drives. The one I need is bound to be here.

Seconds later, I was reminded why I’m not a gambler.

I had two thumb drives all right, but my students’ Hero PowerPoints weren’t on either one.

So I texted my student.

Panic gripped my stomach, my back, and my neck when he responded, 

“I returned it the same day!”


The Lost Thumb Drive

I ransacked my purse. Five times.

No 3rd thumb drive.

Tore apart my desk at home. Searched the floors.

No 3rd thumb drive.

Did the same at school.

No 3rd thumb drive.

But I did find an un-named thumb drive that looked like mine; but it was 16 GB while mine were all 8 GB.

Oh yeah! I sold him a thumb drive just like this in August!

I texted to ask if he might have kept mine and given me his.

He promised to look again.

The next day, we confirmed that the un-named thumb drive was his.

But he had no idea where mine was.

“Sorry Mrs. G!”


Resentful & Bitter Me

"Sorry Mrs. G?"  

That’s it?  

Doesn’t he realize how important that thumb drive is to me?

I e-mailed his mother. Surely she, an educator, would understand!

Silence.

From them.

But, oh, my inner dialogue was loud and outraged!
  • I can’t believe…
  • Of all the ungrateful…
  • I didn’t even think twice before I…


People-Pleaser: Yes, Me

Wait a minute.

I didn’t even think once.

When asked for a thumb drive, I didn’t even pause to think!

I reacted out of instinct to solve someone else’s problem without evaluating my own needs.

And now I’m mad at them?
  • Whose fault is it that I didn’t say, “Hang on -- let me check to see if there’s anything vital on here that I wouldn’t want to lose”? 
  • Whose fault is it that I didn't say, "If you can wait 5 minutes, I may be able to help you. If you need one faster, ask someone else"?
  • Whose fault is it that the fruit I’m currently reaping is a crop of resentment and bitterness?


Holiday Fruit

But the fruit of the Spirit is 
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, 
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 
Against such things there is no law. 
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

When I act on instinct -- 
  • without thinking
  • without praying
  • without listening for the Still Small Voice
--all I get is rotten fruit.

Resentment and bitterness are the counterfeit spoils of the fruit of the Spirit.

 I want the sweet fruit of the Holy Spirit this holiday season not a rotten mess of people-pleasing.

 Which means I need to practice now so that I'm ready then to pause, pray, perceive, and praise!



Your Turn:

  • When have you taken care of someone else's "need" without giving thought to your own legitimate needs?
  • How do you feel God calling you to please Him, not people, during the upcoming holidays?
  • Anything else on your heart!


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Why and How I Cheat

(We're gearing up for The PURSE-onality Challenge holiday edition–"A Holiday-Ready Heart"–in October! Stay tuned for full details...Warm-Up Week starts September 24!)

September 5-23, I'll be blogging through Mary DeMuth's soon-to-be-released book Everything: What you Give and What you Gain to Become Like Jesus. Each week, I'll be giving way a copy of the book. You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each Everything blog post!

* * * * *
"We live and breath and follow a paradoxical gospel. We're to equate success not with the world's success, but with our ability to die to our desires. This echoes John 12:24: "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (NIV) We who want to hold on to our control have a hard time with words like these.

 We don't much like death. We'd rather produce seeds another way. But death to ourselves, our agendas, our expectations, our hopes is necessary to find the deep joy that comes when we fully relinquish ourselves to the gospel."

 Mary DeMuth, Everything (pg. 20-21)
When I Did NOT Cheat

 Ever since 3rd grade, I've gone out of my way to avoid even the appearance of cheating.

 I'd finished my spelling test before my classmates and started gazing out the window. Then I remembered to re-check my work and--sure enough!--found a mistake. 

 As I erased the error and started writing in the correction, my teacher swooped in, accusing me of looking at another student's paper and then changing my answer.

 Hot tears of shame coursed down my cheeks. I knew I hadn't looked at anyone else's paper. But I had no proof, so I took my punishment without protest.
When I Could Have Cheated

 During freshman year of college, I was aiming to earn 100% on every single test in a particular class. The end of the quarter was coming, and so far, so good!

 I confidently took the next test. When I finished, I was sure I'd aced it. I was about to re-check all my answers when, as I looked up to the clock to check my timing, I happened to focus on one question on a classmate's test.

 As I realized I'd circled the wrong answer on mine, my heart sank. I didn't want to break my string of perfect scores. But I also didn't want to cheat! I began to re-check all my answers, as I always did. And I knew -- I just knew -- that I would have caught this error even if my eyes hadn't wandered. It was a dumb mistake. The kind I always catch.

 So I changed my answer.

 And then I changed it back. Nobody had seen me. The teacher wasn't going to swoop in and accuse me of anything. My classmates were focused on their tests, oblivious to my struggle.

 But I still had to change my answer back. I couldn't know for sure that I would have caught this error. I didn't want to live with the nagging feeling that I'd cheated. As much as it pained me, I chose to break my unblemished record.
My Cheating Heart
I've considered myself an honest, non-cheating person ever since that test.

But even though I once drove 30 minutes back to a fabric store to ask them to charge me for 11 1/2 more yards of fabric because they'd charged me for 1/2 a yard instead of 12 yards, I would be wrong.

Very wrong.

Because I cheat all the time.

 When it comes to the whole "kernel of wheat must die" I'd rather produce seeds any other way.

 ANY other way.

 And since there's no other way to produce seeds, I've tried to cheat the system by substituting something else for seeds:

 FRUIT.

 It just makes sense:  Why die to produce seeds when you can just show up with lots of fruit? 

 Isn't produce the long-term goal of producing seeds anyway?

 So I became a produce expert:

  • You should see all the books on my shelves!
  • You should see the list of workshops and conferences I've attended!
  • You should see all the seminars and retreats I've spoken for!
  • You should see...

It's taken decades for me to realize that it's not about the produce. 

 It's not about what I've produced.

 It's not about the fruit.

 It's not even about the seed.
I Can't Cheat Death

 It's all about the one thing my heart desperately resists:  

 dying. to. self.

 In my attempts to cheat death, I've given the worst possible answer to the most important test question: 

 Who do you trust?

 "Oh," I say, "I trust God!"

 But my behavior changes my answer.


Your Turn:
  • In what ways have you tried to "cheat the system"?
  • How are you learning to "die to self"?
  • Anything else on your heart!


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TPC "lite": To-Do List vs. Master List


Would you be willing to give me your input on a new PURSE-onality project? 
Take this survey, and I'll send you your choice of my CDs for free!

“People get overwhelmed by a To-Do List because they have a lot of Master List items on there–things that require a whole series of actions and aren’t broken down into simple, doable steps. It’s a great way to set yourself up for failure.
So today, gather everything that’s weighing on you and figure out what list it belongs on. If the whole thing takes less than 15 minutes, you can put it on your To-Do List. If it’s more complicated than that, put it on your Master List and figure out what your next steps are.”
 
(Kathi Lipp, The Get Yourself Organized Project, page 184) 

I finished my MA research project yesterday. 
By “finished” I mean that I finally have a pretty awful first draft of Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, and–after nine hours of straight writing yesterday–Chapter 4.
I’m not so much excited as I am relieved.
This degree was supposed to be done five years ago. But then we moved and I put it on the back burner. Repeatedly.
Two years ago, I did my research. And the data has been sitting ever since.
Oh, I’ve been busy–no doubt about that! 
But no busier than those who actually finish their degrees...or anything else they start with great enthusiasm before encountering unexpected obstacles. 
(Note: Just like my bookshelves are “not about the books,” this is “not about the degree”!)
I’ve had time. Small pockets of time. Weekends with time. Vacation stretches of time. But until 2012, I’ve made very little progress.
The #1 reason for my lack of progress will be the topic of my blog posts in July and August. It’s a big bad bully who’s been running my life for decades without me recognizing it. If you want a sneak peek, check out this monologue I wrote performed in May (...keeping in mind that it’s a “work in progress”!)

Replacing Baditude


The #2 reason for my lack of progress is that I kept putting “Work on MA Project” on my To-Do List. 

But when I had a pocket of time, I had no idea what to do next. I’d look at my shelves of books and binders freeze, utterly overwhelmed.
When I finally moved “Work on MA Project” to my Master List, momentum started building.
Some days, the only thing on my “To-Do List” was “figure out next step.”

Seriously!
I’d hunker down for 20 or 30 minutes, whatever chunk of time I had, and do “nothing”...except the absolutely most important thing I could possibly do:

I figured out my next little step.
This is working so well that I’m starting to question the Nike slogan.
“Just do it!” sounds great, in theory. But sometimes, it’s a poor fit.
This month, I’ve intentionally tried not to “just do it” when approaching the clutter in my home and my heart.
I’ve simply tried to figure out my next little step.
And then take it.
With God’s Word
On Day 22, I wrote about the difference between “fake fruit” and real growth.
(Can't view image? Click here to read Galatians 5:22-23!)

I’m done forcing myself to “just do it” on my own strength, hanging out lots of “fake fruit” and hoping nobody comes close enough to notice. My home is far from completely de-cluttered. But it’s better, and I’m tasting more and more peace and joy with every next little step I take.

On Day 23, I wrote about the “fig leaves” I hide behind in an attempt to “clean up my act” on my own.
(Can't view image? Click here to read 1 John 1:9!)

When I start the day with my Master, He will reveal to me the next little steps for my To-Do List. And He will cleanse me and my heart so that I no longer want to keep all my “fig leaves.”
I need to let go of my “all-or-nothing” approach.
I need to Let God lead me in taking the next little step. And the next.
I need to let go of everything I hide behind.
I need to Let God do the clean-up work in my life. 
And Gratitude
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…
  • … for continued patience with myself – “slowly” and “gently” are so unfamiliar!
  • … that I can finish the MA “chapter” of my life quickly...yet gently.

Today I’m watching for…
  • … an opportunity to affirm Daniel, Jonathon, and Annemarie who have been my cheering section these last few months.
  • … someone unexpected You desire me to serve.

Today I’m appreciating…
  • … the “little changes” produced by taking “the next little step.” 
  • … a chance to have lunch with Daniel at Panda Express in about an hour! :-)


Your Turn! 

  •  Do you have a "To-Do List" and a "Master List" or a similar system?
  •  How has knowing (or not knowing) your next little step helped (or hindered) you?
  • Other thoughts / reflections / insights on today's topic?

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