Each day during The PURSE-onality Challenge: "A Holiday-Ready Heart" in October, Untangling Christmas by Karen Ehman and LeAnn Rice, will be our give-away prize!
Confessions a Grudge-Holder
During the holidays, I'm going to be mingling with a wide variety of friends and family members.
And when I see some people, I'm going immediately think to myself, "There's the person who...
And when I see some people, I'm going immediately think to myself, "There's the person who...
- hung up on me in the middle of a phone call because I wouldn’t give her the information she wanted."
- showed my children an 8-hour mini-series we never would have shown them."
- mocked my new haircut which I was desperately trying to like."
- went through my private drawers while visiting our house."
- criticized me, loudly and in front of everyone, for disciplining my daughter on her birthday."
Love = Letting Go
[Love] is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV)
If love keeps no record of wrongs, but I do keep record of wrongs, then clearly I do not love.
I can not be a woman whose love protects and a woman who holds grudges.
One or the other, not both.
1% or 99%?
For years, I didn’t just keep records of wrongs. I embellished those records.
I’m part Armenian, so I grew up with “Why ruin a good story with the facts?” as my story-telling motto.
Problem is, I do the same with not-so-good stories, too.
Back in May, I wrote about “the sorbet incident.” It probably lasted all of 5, maybe 10, seconds.
But when I’m in record-keeping mode, I can make any “incident” last 5 or 10 minutes...hours...days...weeks!
I keep rehearsing it, filling in more and more awful details with each repetition.
Soon, what might have reflected 1% of a relationship now consumes 99% of my thoughts about that relationship.
Soon, what might have reflected 1% of a relationship now consumes 99% of my thoughts about that relationship.
The Cell Phone (Almost) Incident
A couple weeks ago, Daniel finally “had it up to here” with his Android cell phone. He pulled his old LG Voyager out of storage, marched into the Verizon store, and asked to have his old phone re-activated.
“I know you got me the Android as a gift,” he said apologetically, “but I just can’t stand it any longer.”
I gave you the Android as a gift? This is news to me!
I’d given him the Voyager as a birthday gift about four years ago. But the Android joined the family (according to my best recall) when his Voyager battery started dying and our daughter convinced him to try an Android.
I’d personally tried an Android for all of 2 miserable hours and gone straight back to a BlackBerry. So would never give a phone I'd hated to tears (yes, tears!) as gift.
And I was about to make 99% of my relationship with Daniel all about “helping” him remember this important fact.
Fortunately, my “baditude” got interrupted before it went that far.
Re-minding myself of promises from God’s word, I realized:
it. doesn’t. matter.
It's a far-less-than 1% moment.
It’s over.
Keep no record.
Keep no record.
Be a woman whose love protects.
Don’t hold a grudge.
Let it go.
Let it go.
The 5:1 “Baditude” Banishment Ratio
According to marriage researcher John Gottman, couples whose communication fall within a 5:1 ratio of positives to negatives are far less likely to divorce than those with lower ratios.
I’m applying this same ratio to all relationships.
When I have a baditude-triggering encounter with a person, I’m challenging myself to actively seek 5 positive interactions with them ASAP.
This way, instead of a 1% issue metastasizing into 99% of my thoughts about that person, I’m intentionally filling my mind and heart with new positive experiences with them.
Experiences that crowd out the grudges.
Experiences that leave only room for love.
Love that keeps no record.
So I can be a woman whose love protects.
Your Turn:
- Of what "wrongs" are you most likely to keep record?
- How do you keep "little things" from growing way out of proportion in your own mind and heart?
- Anything else on your heart!
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