Showing posts with label trying hard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trying hard. Show all posts

The Lemon Meringue Pie "Surprise" (25 Years Later)



I’ll surprise him with a lemon meringue pie!

I’m 21 years old.  

Been married 3 ½ months.  

I’ve been trying to think of something unexpected I can do for Daniel’s birthday, which is just 4 days after Christmas. 

All his life, he’s received 2-in-1 “Merry Birthday” gifts, while I’ve always enjoyed a middle-of-the-year birthday celebrated all on its own. (Clearly, I’ve not yet started teaching and had my birthday buried under end-of-year grading!)

I’ll surprise him with a lemon meringue pie!


Making the Pie

I have ninja pie crust making skills. 

Not bragging, just truth-telling. 

An amazing cooking class instructor taught me how to make the most delicate, flakey, beautiful pie crust the world has seen.  Every time.

I’ve never tried making lemon filling or meringue. But how hard can they possibly be?  My trusty red Betty Crocker cookbook is open. I am fearless!

I put together all the ingredients for the lemon filling and notice one minor item I’m missing:  

a candy thermometer. 

I’m supposed to bring the filling to a certain temperature and then cook it for a specific amount of time at that temperature.

Instead, I bring it to a rolling boil, stirring constantly. 

For 30 minutes.

And oh, is it beautiful: yellow, clear, and glossy.

I pour the lemon mixture into the waiting perfect pie crust–mmmm, smells heavenly!–and bake as directed.

I whip up the egg whites with sugar, cool the pie, add the meringue, and brown it.

The finished pie is a work of art.

And I’m giddy with excitement over the surprise I've cooked up for Daniel.


Serving the Pie

Sure enough, he looks stunned and then thrilled when I present The Pie to him.

“You made this for me?” he exclaims.

I hand him a large knife. He calculates the perfect point to start cutting and stabs the knife into the center of the pie.

But as he lifts the knife, the entire pie comes out of the pie plate with it!

He gingerly settles the pie back down into the pie plate and pulls up on the knife again.

The knife is still stuck in the pie.

He wiggles the knife back and forth.

Still stuck.

Soon, it becomes clear that the pie–for all its beauty–is beyond all hope. The lemon mixture is the consistency of hard candy. How the knife ever went in, we will never understand. 

But clearly, it is never coming out.  


Salvaging the Knife

Daniel’s practical mind shifts from the pie to the knife, one of the expensive ones we received as a wedding gift.

He heads out to the garage, and I hear the banging of my rock-like pie being hammered against the side of our metal trash can.

Daniel eventually comes inside and reports that the trash can was badly dented in the process of freeing the knife.

I do what any rational bride of 3 ½ months would do: 

burst into tears.

“I just wanted to surprise you for your birthday!” I wail.

Trying to cheer me up, Daniel holds out the knife and jokes, “Well, this certainly is a surprise!”

I cry even harder.


A Marriage Metaphor

The “Lemon Meringue Pie Fiasco” has turned out to be an apt metaphor for our marriage. 

We married young, stubborn, and foolish.

In the early years, we each tried so hard to do things to make the other happy.

But we frequently messed up.

And then our best attempts to clean up the mess caused a lot of collateral damage.

I took everything so seriously back then. Perfectionism insisted that the mistakes I made “meant something” about me, about our marriage. 

I shed a lot of unnecessary tears.


Reflecting Back 25 Years

In our quarter-of-a-century of marriage, I’ve learned...

...not to try so hard. Daniel would far rather have an ordinary gift given by a relaxed wife than an amazing gift delivered by a stress-case!

...mistakes don’t have to “mean anything.”  About me.  About my marriage.  They mean I’m human. Perfectionism used to convince me that I needed to hide that fact at all cost. 2 Corinthians 12:9a reminds me that God’s “grace is sufficient for [me]” and that His “power is made perfect in weakness." 

...love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8b)  So does laughter.

(And I’ve definitely learned how hard lemon pie filling can possibly be!)



Your Turn

  • What kitchen disaster has become a legend in your family?
  • How do you handle mistakes?
  • Anything else on your heart!





Coming in January!

Grace for the Good Girl: Envy vs. Eagerness


August 1-14, I'll be blogging as I read through Emily Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl. Each week, I'll give away a free copy of her book! Enter via the Rafflecopter here.

“I felt as if an invisible good girl was following me around wherever I went, showing up without permission to shame and blame and scold….She embodied the good girl version of my current life stage and shamed me accordingly: good student, good leader, good wife, and good mom.
She represented the girl I wanted to be but could never live up to. I constantly worried that my imperfect status would be discovered. I often experienced guilt but didn’t know why. I felt the heavy weight of impossible expectations and had the insatiable desire to explain every mistake. My battle with shame was constant and hovering.”
Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life
I got to hear Emily Freeman present at the She Speaks Conference a couple weeks ago. The information she shared was excellent; her off-hand comments and ad-lib comedy were even better! 
Later, I introduced myself in an over-eager babble of incoherence. The only half-intelligent thing I said was, “I’m so glad for you and your children that you’ve figured this out now rather than waiting ‘til you’re my age.”
I jokingly told Emily that I envied her – just a bit! – for taking off her good girl “masks” so young. 
just a bit
Who do I think I’m kidding?
Ten years ago, when I first wrote and shared my testimony, Florence Littauer was surprised by my “good girl” approach. She said she’d never heard anyone give a “good girl” testimony and encouraged me to develop it into my keynote talk.
That was all the encouragement I needed, of course, to freeze in fear and do what came so naturally: 
What I didn’t tell Emily is that I envied her – more than just a bit! – for writing the book I was supposed to write.
“the heavy weight of impossible expectations”
Okay, the book I wish I had written but too many complicating factors and poor choices and just plain “life” got in the way.
“the insatiable desire to explain every mistake”
All right, the book that I would have written...if only...
“My battle with shame was constant and hovering”
Yeah, I envied Emily. 
Then I recognized my invisible good girl at work and told her to go take a hike, packing all her “supposed to”s and “wish I had”s and “if only”s with her.
Far greater than my fleeting envy is my eagerness to read Grace for the Good Girl
‘cause my name is Cheri, and I am a “Good Girl”... 
...who needs all the grace she can get!


Your turn!

  • What's been your experience of being a "good girl"?
  • In what ways have you lived "the try-hard life"?
  • What would "letting go" mean for you?


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Day 22: FRUIT


Our Give-Away for Today!
"Thank You" note cards by artist Debbie Hannah Skinner





8 note cards, featuring this stunning watercolor, and 8 envelopes. Cards are blank inside for your message. 


Watch Debbie at work in this beyond amazing 1 min and 17 sec video, illustrating Isaiah 43:19: “Streams in the Desert.”


Debbie Hannah Skinner is an artist, speaker, and writer whose life has been shaped by Scripture. Founder of Wisdom In Watercolor, she creates presentations and products that help women savor and share Scripture. 


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Focus is a tricky part of this challenge.
Catherine from Grace to Abide expressed what I’m sure many have been feeling: "Sometimes I find it helpful to focus on the positive and not just on the negative (trying not to complain or criticize).”  
For 31 days we’re noticing our complaining+ habits...
...while focusing on God’s word and gratitude.
In sharing examples from my own journey, perhaps I’ve focused too much on the negative. I do want to be practical: discussing what this challenge looks, sounds, and feels like in real life for me. 
And I want to be hope-full!
Which is why I’ve been greatly encouraged by an e-mail I received from my father today in response to Day 21’s blog post on HOLD:
What Withers 
I would remind you that now you dislike not holding your tongue. It wasn't that long ago when you thought yourself rather clever for the words your tongue flung. 
This is called repentance. 
Your attitude has changed. You now dislike your behavior, and you cry out for change. This is a prayer God always hears and answers. 
How? 
Not by pushing a button, but by allowing you to experience the pain and suffering caused by your behavior so that it becomes even more odious and despicable. 
When temptation is met with a repentant attitude, the old habits wither. 
Fake Fruit
I live surrounded by Watsonville strawberry fields. So each day, I witness the full cycle of planting-to-harvesting in action.
You know what I’ve never seen the farmers do? 
Not once have I seen them head to the craft store, buy a ton of plastic strawberries, come back to the fields, and stuck the plastic strawberries on the plants. 
They know better than to try to fool their customers with fake fruit! When I serve strawberry shortcake, I know what texture, taste, and especially smell I expect from my Watsonville strawberries. 
Plastic strawberries from Michaels might look okay from a distance, but close-up? Nothing like the real thing.
Yet I’ve tried to pass off spiritual fake fruit as the real deal.
I’ve tried to act loving and joyous. Act peaceful and patient. Act kind and good. Act faithful and gentle. Act self-controlled.
From a distance, my acts probably looked okay.
But up close?
Nothing like the real thing. 
Real Growth
Today I locked my keys in the car. I had a full afternoon and evening all scheduled out with no margins for error.
My keys had fallen out of my purse and onto the floor. When I stopped at Starbucks, I thought to myself, “No problem. The Murano won’t let me lock the keys inside!” as I manually locked the car (out of habit) and shut the door. 
Trivia lesson for the day: When the battery in the keyless entry device is dying/dead, a Murano will, in fact, allow keys to be locked inside. (And yes, I’ve realized that the battery was dying for weeks, perhaps even months, but that is a different story altogether...suffice to say, the fault was all mine!)
I started to panic about all my plans. About the time I’d waste waiting for roadside service to arrive. Starbucks had free wireless, but my laptop was locked in the car; how awful, how unfair, how...
...r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s!

I was in an absurd situation that I could have prevented but hadn’t.
Oh well!
I laughed at myself (albeit weakly at first!), found a comfortable table in the sun, called USAA, and pulled out my Bible verse cards. Had today's verse down cold by the time my rescuer arrived. 
(Can't see the image? Click here to download Galatians 5:22-23!)
For a Choleric who claws for control, this is growth. Real growth. Old habits are withering. I felt frustration rise up briefly only to flop right back down. 

Apart from Christ I am nothing but plastic; okay from a distance, but up close, nothing like the Real Thing.
But as I remain in Christ and Christ remains in me, I experience real growth and bear real fruit.

And can I just say: I really enjoyed the lovely flavors of fresh patience and ripe peace!
Try this today: This is the benediction with which my father closed his e-mail to me today. Pray it for yourself, a friend or family member, or even someone on your “Ramon” list:  I pray that God's continual blessings strengthen and gladden you, that you will know you are loved and rest in His love, that you will allow His love to surround you and fill you, that you will act as you are: His beloved child.


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Please leave a comment 

  • responding to today’s blog, and/or
  • sharing your Day #1-22 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
  • about anything else on your heart!

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    (Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)

    Day 2: CHOSEN


    Our Give-Away for Today!
    Today's give-away is this lovely hand-stamped necklace created by Janelle at Grace Tags.  


    After May 10, she'll no longer be taking orders and is offering a 30% discount on all orders 'til then.


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    Chosen Last
    I was always the last one chosen when we divvied up for teams during recess. 
    “I guess we’ll have to have Cheri on our team...” didn’t do much for my self-confidence.
    (Not that I blame them. Who wants someone whose athletic skills include catching a soccor ball with her glasses and breaking her thumb while doing the high jump?)
    I got used to not being chosen.
    I got used to being unwanted.
    Un-Chosen
    I also got used to being un-chosen by those who had once wanted me.
    In junior high, my best friend turned on me overnight. 
    When a mutual friend asked her if she felt bad about losing our friendship, she declared, “I’m not losing anything. I’m throwing it away, because that’s what you do with trash.”
    Shortly after, my boyfriend traded me in for a newer, more attractive model. 
    I was discarded.
    Worthless.

    Among the Chosen Few
    At my first direct sales convention, I got what I’d always wanted: reserved seating.  
    A place card with my name on it awaited me at every single meal. 
    How I loved not wandering aimlessly, hoping someone would invite me to sit with them. Not sitting at an empty table, wishing someone would join me. 

    Finally, I had discovered the secret to belonging: when I worked hard enough, I could sit among the select. 
    So for years, I earned the right to belong.
    I worked my heart out, making sure that I deserved to be chosen.
    But then came the back injury. I qualified for the incentive trip, but just barely. And although Hawaii was beautiful, I received no elite invitations, found no place cards bearing my name, had no seats saved for me. 
    Once again, I didn’t deserve to be chosen.
    Once again, I didn’t belong.
    Chosen Once and For All

    (Can't view image? Click here to download John 15:16)

    I don't think God could state this more plainly.
    And yet, how do we respond?
    We work harder, trying to earn the "right" to belong. 
    We behave as if commiting our lives to Christ is a qualifying competition, and we must prove worthy of team membership.
    In an e-mail this morning, Valarie wrote,“Sometimes I have found myself putting myself down for not doing enough for God.”
    Do you see what we’re doing? We’re trying to deserve to be chosen. We’re trying to deserve to become who God says we already are
    Nothing to Prove
    You are wanted. 
    You belong.
    You are chosen.
    Now you choose:
    Do you believe Him 
    when He says
    you are chosen?
    If so...
    ...you can quit trying so hard!
    ...you can quit being so hard on yourself!
    ...you can quit being so hard on others!

    You have nothing to prove.

    Try this today:  When you start feeling like you’re standing on the sidelines, or like you’ve been trashed, or like you need to work your heart out, say out loud:  “It is written, ‘I chose you.’ And I choose to believe what You say!”
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    Please leave a comment 

    • responding to today’s blog, and/or
    • sharing your Day #1-2 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
    • about anything else on your heart!

      * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
      (Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)