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(Part 1)
Why don't I write Thank You notes?
Yesterday, I shared two simple surface reasons. Today, I'm hauling out a couple deeper darker ones.
I’ve received unwanted notes.
I didn’t write an important one.
4. What to Write
5. How to write
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A few years ago, I attended a three-day training seminar. Due to a family crisis, I missed the first day. When I arrived, my three roommates greeted me warmly, and on my bed I saw 3 envelopes with my name on each one. My roommates had each left me a beautiful hand-written note of encouragement and love. There were little gifts for me, too.
How did I respond?
I panicked.
I had no clue that I was supposed bring notes and gifts! Nobody told me the rules, the protocol! I had nothing to give them!
Mortified, I packed the notes and gifts away, as if hiding them would conceal my rudeness or make my lack of goodie give-aways less glaringly obvious.
Month in, month out, I felt the prompting.
Write Mr. B. Tell him how much you appreciated him as a teacher. How much he inspired you to become a teacher. How much you now appreciate his patience with your “baditude” when you were a know-it-all high school student!
Even learning that Mr. B had cancer wasn’t enough to motivate me.
I attended his memorial service.
But I never wrote the note.
Yes, Mr. B knew he was loved by thousands of students.
But he never heard it from me.
But he never heard it from me.
Replacing Baditude
Yesterday, I identified selfishness as the “baditude of the day.”
Today, I have to admit to a much harder-to-hear term:
egocentricity.
Gently, this means preoccupation with my own internal world.
Bluntly, it means extreme immaturity.
“megotism” to the nth degree.
In The Art of Thank You, Connie Leas explains, “When I don’t receive a note, I tend to surmise that the recipient was never trained to do so, or is unsure of her writing skills, or has a problem with disorganization or procrastination. Others may conclude that the recipient is not grateful...[that] the ungrateful person is unable to give back ‘a little of the joy that was received or experienced’.”
I was ungrateful for my roommates' kindness because I did not receive their intended joy. I saw the notes and–bam!–my first thought was how badly my lack of gifts reflected on me.
I never wrote Mr. B because I convinced myself it didn’t matter if he heard from little ol’ (you guessed it!) me.
Yes, I know selfishness and egocentricity are really loaded words.
And I loathe using them.
But if my “baditude” is going to get replaced, I’ve got to pull it out of hiding.
With God’s Word
On Day 8, I wrote that it’s mission critical that I correctly identify my enemy and employ the only effective weapon: “It is written…”
(Can't see image? Click here to read Romans 8:37!)
I am victorious – overwhelmingly victorious! – over “megotism” through Christ.
I need to let go of my false belief that I’m a total loser because of all the notes I haven’t written.
I need to Let God lead me one step at a time to saying–and living–“I’ll care.”
And Gratitude
Practical “How to” advice from Thank You Note Writers, continued:
(Add one more item to #3 from yesterday: STICKERS!)
What message do I want to send?
“I have the perfect card, perfect handwriting, and perfect words; aren’t you lucky you know me?”
or
“I care about you. I am thinking about you. You are important to me.”
Bryan, one of my students, wrote this poignant essay that illustrates the power of saying–and living–“I’ll care” in the face of fear, inexperience, and fatigue.
I want “I’ll care” to become my living motto.
Jocelyn gave me permission to share her powerful testimony of someone choosing to say–and live–“I’ll care”:
There was a time in my life after the suicide of my brother that little notes saved my life. Before he died, God placed a very special women in my life who would later be one of His biggest supports to me.
My whole family was ripped apart, and we were all battling huge amounts of guilt and questioning what we could have done differently to have saved his life. So no one was of any real help to each other.
This friend of mine started sending me little cards, letting me know that she was thinking of me, and they meant the world. In my moment of need, when I was holding on by just a thread, I got hope from those cards. I was able to hold on for another day. She didn't know just how much that little drop in the mail meant to my soul. (Of course, I have shared with her since.)
God uses us to be his hands and feet. While you might simply be wanting to thank them, you never know how that little note might be just what they need at that exact moment.
- If you’re worried about saying the “right” thing, try writing a “rough draft” either on the computer (faster and easier to spell-check) or by hand (which will help you see how much space it takes up.)
- Feel free to keep it “short and sweet”!
- Type your note, use a pretty font, print it out, cut it to fit the card, and glue it in. I know this breaks every possible “rule,” but for some of us, writing by hand is no longer an option.
- Seek further guidance: How to Write a Thank-You Note, On a Personal Note (available used), The Art of Thank You
6. In addition to / instead of Note Cards
I won’t even try to tell you when you “should” or “should not” use these methods. (I’m always thrilled to receive any of them...but I’m no Emily Post!)
- text messages
- eCards
- eCoupons
- eGift Cards
