- snap at my pastor
- stomp out of chapel (with 200+ students watching)
- kvetch to several fellow teachers
- rebuff my husband's offer of help
- pitch a fit in my vice principal's office
And only then did I realize: I was wrong.
I thought I'd heard Pastor Jeff say that half of my AP students were going to miss class that very morning.
What he was trying tell me was that several would miss class the next day, which I already knew and was prepared for.
I suddenly owed a host of apologies, private and public.
So much damage in so little time!
What Went Wrong?
For days after this happened, I wondered What went wrong with my hearing? Why did I hear Pastor Jeff say one thing when he actually said another?
And I finally realized a very unflattering truth: I'd heard what I wanted to hear. I'd wanted to hear that my AP students were about to miss class again.
I'd been ready and waiting to pick a fight.
Throughout the school year, I'd complained bitterly–to students, to staff, to my husband, I wasn't picky!–about how much class time my AP students were missing.
What I'd not done was request a meeting with my administrators for a session of problem-solving.
So what went wrong? I went wrong.
I went for complaining when I should have gone for problem-solving.
Complaining is...
- to the wrong person
- at the wrong place
- at the wrong time
- in the wrong manner
Performing an autopsy on my embarrassing melt-down, did I choose the
- wrong person? Check. Pastor Jeff doesn't make decisions about academics or student trips.
- wrong place? Double-check. Showing such flagrant disrespect to a fellow staff member in front of all the students goes down as one of my lowest moments in two decades of teaching.
- wrong time? Oh yeah. The purpose of our morning chapel is to draw us together in praise to and worship of God.
- wrong manner? Ya think? A grown adult throwing a full-out temper tantrum is embarrassing to all.
Problem-Solving is...
- at the right place
- at the right time
- in the right manner
Only in analyzing this highly public episode did I realize how frustrated I was about my AP students missing so much class.
Instead of setting an appointment to talk with my administrators, I'd "vented" about it all year, thinking I was "getting it out of my system."
NOT!
(We'll talk about the myth of "cathartic complaining" later this week!)
Not only had my complaining been completely inappropriate, but it disguised itself as an actual solution:
- Just rant to your students a bit; you'll feel much better! (Plus, they laugh when you're sarcastic!)
- Tell Daniel about how far behind you are with your curriculum; that'll fix it!
- Commiserate with the AP History teacher; you both know how right you are!
Complaining made me feel better in the moment, but it was really like dabbing concealer on an angry infected zit.
(I'll leave the rest of that analogy up to your imagination!)
What's the Right Way?
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..."
Philippians 2:14-16a
Q4U:
Leave a comment to be entered into this week's drawing for a copy of Dangerous Surrender: What Happens When You Say "Yes" to God by Kay Warren!
- What does Philippians 2:14-16a say to you today?
- What problem-solving skill do you want to focus on during The PURSE-onality Challenge?
The PURSE-onality Challenge: 31 days of replacing "baditude" with God's Word and Gratitude!
Click here for more details!
Warm-Up Week, Day 3: Tunnel of Grudge or a New Train of Thought?