The PURSE-onality Challenge: Warm-Up Day 5: The Perks and Perils of "Being Heard"

I've always been a BFF kinda girl, especially in elementary school.

What did "best friend" mean to me?

Someone who always saved a seat for me. (I hate sitting alone!)

Someone to play with at recess. (I'm a team handicap in any sport.)

Someone who listened, often for hours. (I chatterbox too much for most people.)

But most of all, to me, a best friend was someone who understood me. Someone who nodded as I talked about what I was experiencing, thinking, and feeling.

A Third Category: "Counseling"

Yesterday, I described the difference between complaining and problem-solving, as if it was a forced alternative: you're either doing one or the other.

But a third option comes naturally to many women: "counseling."

While this can include a professional relationship with a licensed therapist, what I mean by "counseling" here is simply talking to someone who has agreed to listen as a way of helping you clarify your thoughts and feelings.

The Perks

My friend and fellow pastor's wife, Gena Larson, says that two of the most powerful words a woman can hear are "me, too."

So true!

I pour out my heart to a friend for hours, wanting to hear those two affirming words: "me, too."

I share my stuff in my recovery group, hoping to hear those two validating words: "me, too."

I talk about my current temptations with my women's Bible study group, needing to hear those two reassuring words: "me, too."

Ahhh. I'm not alone.

Whew! I'm normal.

(Okay, now I'm pushing it...)

The Perils

Because casual "counseling" relationships can develop so easily between women, setting–and sticking to!–appropriate boundaries is vital.

We've still got to ask:

Is this the right person? (Ever had a "trusted friend" spill all your secrets?)

Is this the right time? (Ever had someone talk your ear off about her problems while you're running later and later for an appointment?)

Is this the right place? (Ever listened awkwardly to someone sharing personal problems over hors d'oeuvres at a Christmas party?)

Is this the right manner? (Ever felt like you know "Too Much Information" about a husband other than your own?)

My Problem with "Being Heard"

I've not had a BFF in years. Oh, I've tried to beg, borrow, or steal one.

And I've had words (+ tears!) with God about why I, a BFF kinda gal, don't get to have a best friend any more.

You know, I could really use a BFF these days. Launching a high maintenance daughter while simultaneously losing a mother to Alzheimer's hasn't been easy.

I could really use a listening ear. Someone who makes me feel less alone. Someone who make me feel norm--...a little less crazy.

Someone who says "me, too!"

Then He reminds me about my problem with "being heard" in a "counseling" friendship:

I like it so much, I keep going back for more.

And more.

Until my bestie becomes a Burnt-out Former Friend.

He reminds me that He is my "refuge and strength" my "ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

And He ever-so gently reminds me,

"Me, first."

Q4U:

Leave a comment to be entered into this week's drawing for a copy of Dangerous Surrender: What Happens When You Say "Yes" to God by Kay Warren!

What does Psalm 46:1 say to you today?

How have you experienced the perks and/or perils of a "counseling" relationship? (formal or informal)

Has God ever reminded you, "Me, first"?

The PURSE-onality Challenge: 31 days of replacing "baditude" with God's Word and Gratitude!

Click here for more details!

Warm-Up Week, Day 1: What's Wrong With It?

Warm-Up Week, Day 2: The Heart and Mouth Connection

Warm-Up Week, Day 3: Tunnel of Grudge or a New Train of Thought?

Warm-Up Week, Day 4: Complaining vs. Problem-Solving