The PURSE-onality Challenge: insecurity

(August 20-31 I'll be blogging my way through I Blame Eve: Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes by Susanna Foth Aughtmon and giving away a copy each week! You can enter the drawing via the Rafflecopter at the end of each blog post or right here.)

“...this talking snake really sounds like he know what he’s talking about. Before we know it, we can be charmed by the snake and his twisted truths. All too quickly, we forget the words of the Creator and start listening to the words of the snake.…”

Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes

Yesterday was the first day of school.

I’d finished all lesson prep Sunday night so I could focus on people in the morning.

I’m so achievement-oriented, I’ve gotta remind myself daily: I don't teach English; I reach individuals.

So I got up early Monday to pray for my students by name.

Did I have the perfect first day of school?

Not by a long shot.

As each class came and left, for blissfully short 25-minute orientation periods, I felt more and more overwhelmed. Less and less adequate.

You’re not prepared enough.

You’re too old.

You didn’t make eye contact with everyone.

You’re too formal.

You’re not warm enough.

You’re too much of a global abstract thinker.

You’re not extroverted enough.

And on.

Daniel came home and told me that the juniors and seniors love our new English teacher, which is the best possible news. It’s what’s best for the students, for the school, for her.

That means they like her better than you.

That means she’s better than you.

That means you’re no good.

And on.

I totally identify with Andrew’s question about the five loaves and two fishes brought to Jesus: “But what are these among so many?” (John 6:9)

What am I among so many students?

I’m not ___ enough.

I am too ____.

I’m not as good at ___ as ___.

This is snake talk.

John 6 is not about five loaves and two fishes.

My call to teaching is not about me.

John 6 is about Christ taking a small personal offering and doing Kingdom-sized things with it.

Teaching is about Christ taking me, each day, and doing Kingdom-sized things with me and through me.

But you’re…

Enough.

I recognize snake talk.

I know where it leads.

And I know what to do with snake talk:

Back talk.

Not "talk back."

Turn around, and let my back talk.

“There is only one thing to be done….Do the thing that Eve forgot to do. Run. Run back to the One who formed you with his hands.”

Your Turn:

When do you tend to hear snake talk?

How do you tend to respond to snake talk?

What would help you "talk back" less and back talk more?

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Kathi says, “Our garage is the place where hopes and dreams go to die.” (The Get Yourself Organized Project, pg. 107)

I’ve not set foot in the garage since my initial disaster.

But I can tell you that my bookshelves are where my hopes and dreams fight for life.

Since (in true Sanguine form) I have so many different interests, I’m going nuts trying to figure out which are the “wheat” and which are the “tares” as I attempt to weed out half (okay, maybe a quarter?) of my books.

The dining area bookcases alone house entire shelves dedicated to:

mother-daughter relationships
success and motivation
Louisa May Alcott and Laura Ingalls Wilder
marriage
story-telling and memoir-writing
Christian living for women
personalities and temperament
parenting
Spiritual growth
eating disorders
C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald
speaking and presenting

Replacing Baditude

Before I share how the Holy Spirit is convicting me regarding my books, I want to be clear that I’m not simply using the pronoun “I” but really meaning “you.”

I have a book problem. You’ll understand why I’m so convicted about this in a moment.

But you may have just as many books–perhaps even more!–and not have a book problem.

So to be really clear, here: although I’m talking about books, today, the real issue isn’t the books.

The real issue is my heart.

And my bookshelves are overflowing because of I’ve had a heart-full of fear. Far too many of these books were bought in reaction to insecurity.

Thought: “I’m a terrible mother!”
Reaction: 3 parenting books on their way from Amazon.com.

Thought: “I don’t know how I’m going to stay in this marriage!”
Reaction: 6 marriage books on their way from six half.com sellers.

Thought: “I feel like a spiritual fake when I’m around real Christian women.”
Reaction: 20 inspirational books on their way from CBD.com.

90% of the books I’ve purchased while feeling scared and insecure have never been opened, let alone read.

I didn’t buy them to learn, grow, or change.

I bought them to make me feel better.

Addiction = a mood-altering relationship with a substance, experience, or individual that has life-damaging consequences

Hi. I’m Cheri...

With God’s Word

On Day 14, I wrote about how my beliefs about “the certain ways things should be done” get in the way of trusting God.

(Can't see image? Click here to read Isaiah 26:3-4!)

Trust in the Lord forever. Not in Amazon.com. Not in half.com. Not even in CBD.com.

On Day 15, I wrote about the need to be still and slow down.

(Can't see image? Click here to read 1 Corinthians 13:4!)

Love is patient and kind. Love doesn’t envy, boast, or buy books by the dozen (especially not with overnight shipping to get them here faster!)

I need to let go of my fears and misplaced trust.

I need to Let God demonstrate His trustworthiness–yet again!–in my life.

I need to let go of my insecurities and desire to fix them now.

I need to Let God–and God alone!–be my source of security.

And Gratitude

from my journal:

Today I’m praying…

...for conviction to turn to prayer and my Bible long before Amazon.com and CBD.com.
...for the faith to open up half my bookshelves.
...for direction as I focus my interests where You are leading (which I do not believe is in all different directions at once!)

Today (as I’m sorting thru books!) I’m watching for…

...evidences of Sanguine fun I need to add back into my life.
...practical, detailed “how-to”s that will make my life more efficient.
...lessons for Choleric leadership I can incorporate into my life.

Today I’m appreciating…

...the patience of my husband who has put up with all my stuff throughout his house without complaint for almost 25 years!
...the opportunities to bless others with some wonderful books.
...Your gentle, patient, loving kindness as I learn some long over-due lessons!

Your turn!

Behind what clutter do you find fear and/or insecurity hiding?

What do you accumulate in order to "feel better"?

Other thoughts / reflections / insights on today's topic?

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How to Respond to Snake Talk

TPC "lite": Living Buy the Book (Part 1)