Bloggers: I'll be hosting a link-up on Friday on "the try-hard life" and/or "good girl syndrome." If you've got something to share, the link-up will be live at 12:30 AM Pacific. Would love to have you join the conversation!
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Worry robs me of the peace I know is available.
Fear lies and says there is no peace at all.
And their immature, screaming baby Anxiety keeps me up at night with her unrelenting cries of what if? and what now? and what will they think?”
What if?
My grandmother lived through the depression. She always traveled with several hard-boiled eggs in her purse. Half-way through any flight, regardless of her hunger level, she’d pull them out and smell up the plane.
Oh, I was trained to worry at a tender age!
What if…
- ...there’s no more food?
- ...she stops being my BFF?
- ...I miss a point on this test?
What now?
(Setting: The eating disorder unit, just before our first family group counseling session.)
My counselors: “People change, Cheri! Just you wait and see!”
Me: “You don’t know my mother.”
Me: “You don’t know my mother.”
My counselors: “Just you wait and see!”
Me: Maybe they know what they’re talking about!
(After the meeting)
My counselors: “Cheri, sometimes you just have to accept…”
My worst fear had come true: there was no hope for me. My only “hope” was to try harder.
What now…
- ...that I have two babies and a difficult marriage? Try harder
- ...that we need my income but I dread teaching every day? Try harder
- ...that I’ve fractured T7 and can’t do what everyone needs me do? Try harder
What will they think?
The summer I was 9, a boy at day camp asked me, “So, do you read the dictionary for fun?”
“Of course!” I answered honestly, thrilled to have found a kindred spirit. Only he didn’t talk to me the rest of the summer.
“Of course!” I answered honestly, thrilled to have found a kindred spirit. Only he didn’t talk to me the rest of the summer.
I can still feel the flush of shame as it dawned on me, days later as he and the “in” girls snickered at me from a distance yet again, that he hadn’t asked a question.
He’d delivered an insult. One I’d been too dense to recognize.
I grew into a mashup of Sanguine PURSE-onality with hypervigilant anxiety.
What will they think…
- ...if I talk too fast? too much? too loud?
- ...when they see the cat and dog fur on the couch?
- ...about my out-of-season mis-matched Ross clothes?
Fear drives.
But Love leads.
“God can do anything, you know –
far more than you could ever
imagine or guess or request
in your wildest dreams!
He does it not by pushing us around
but by working within us,
his Spirit deeply and gently within us.”
(Eph. 3:20 Message)
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- How do you know the dysfunctional family of Worry, Fear, and Anxiety?
- Which cry keeps you up at night: What if? What now? What will they think?
- What does “Fear drives. But Love leads” mean to you?
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