Yesterday, I said that not all Melancholies are Perfectionists.
However, a Perfectionist does exhibit many weaknesses associated with the Melancholy PURSE-onality:
- unrealistically high standards
- critical
- grudge-holding
- skeptical
- hard to please
- self-deprecating
- self-centered
- moody
- persecution complex
- hesitant to start
- over-plans
- focuses on the negative
So a Melancholy living out of her weaknesses certainly can come across as a Perfectionist.
And so can a Sanguine whose God-given PURSE-onality is not nurtured. At retreats, I meet many obviously Sanguine women who donned Melancholy “masks” as children and now don’t know how to take them off.
PURSE-onality “masking” occurs when we take on a PURSE-onality that is not naturally ours for self-protective purposes.
Typically, we perform key strength behaviors of the “masked” PURSE-onality to keep an authority figure happy. But it’s all a performance, not a true expression of a natural PURSE-onality strength.
For example, I am very capable of buying colored hanging file folders, matching plastic tabs, blank inserts, and setting up “perfectly” organized filing systems.
How do I know such behavior is evidence of my Melancholy “mask” rather than my true PURSE-onality?
First, I loathe the process. Unlike a Melancholy, who feels a sense of satisfaction while organizing, I feel utterly persecuted.
Second, once I set up such a filing system, it’s of no use to me. I can’t find anything ever again. Once I put a sheet of paper in a file folder, it’s lost and gone forever!
Third, I start setting up filing systems as a stall tactic, not as a useful part of a healthy organizational process. I pour time and money into setting up beautiful folders which do nothing but gather dust.
The problem with “masking” is that we get stuck with many of the borrowed PURSE-onality’s weaknesses.
The longer I wore my Melancholy “mask”, the more my Sanguine humor was replaced by self-deprecation, enthusiasm by skepticism, friendliness by self-centeredness, creativity by over-planning, spontaneity by hesitancy, and forgiveness by grudge-holding.
I wasn’t really a Melancholy; I was just “masking.”
But I wasn’t able to express my Sanguine self, either.
With the weaknesses of my "masked" PURSE-onality and without the strengths of my natural PURSE-onality, I became increasingly trapped in Perfectionism.
Which is why the opening verses of Psalm 18 are so real to me (and, perhaps, to other recovering Perfectionists!)
I love thee, O Jehovah, my strength.
Jehovah is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
My God, my rock, in whom I will take refuge;
My shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower.
I will call upon Jehovah, who is worthy to be praised:
So shall I be saved from mine enemies.
The cords of death compassed me,
And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid.
The cords of Sheol were round about me;
The snares of death came upon me.
Join us for Part 2 in which we'll look at taking off the masks!
Your Turn:
- Do you know a Sanguine who’s worn or is still wearing a Melancholy “mask”? (If you’re not sure, the question “When did the fun stop?” often brings up quite a story!)
- What factors do you think influence our ability to live in our PURSE-onality strengths? (For example, how might a messy family influence a Melancholy’s ability to organize, be compassionate, express devotion, etc.?)
- Any other thoughts and/or experiences with Perfectionism?