Our Give-Away for Today!
I'm Proud of You
(autographed by the author)
Note from Cheri: Our family read this book aloud together several years ago when our kids were still in their mid-teens, and I've listened to it via audiobook while driving (pulling over frequently for Kleenex!) It's a "must read" for many healing and hope-full reasons!
(autographed by the author)
Note from Cheri: Our family read this book aloud together several years ago when our kids were still in their mid-teens, and I've listened to it via audiobook while driving (pulling over frequently for Kleenex!) It's a "must read" for many healing and hope-full reasons!
It began as another newspaper assignment, a celebrity profile of the children’s television icon. But in Fred Rogers, Texas journalist Tim Madigan found more than a fascinating subject. From their first meeting in 1995, at Rogers’ invitation, the two became unlikely friends, a deep and abiding relationship that lasted until Rogers’ death in 2003.
In that time, Madigan found Rogers to be much more than the calm and compassionate personality of television. He was a person of unique human greatness who embodied love, compassion and wisdom his every waking moment. He was the transcendent being who guided Madigan through periods of life-threatening depression and the tragic death of a sibling and helped him heal his difficult relationship with his father.
I’m Proud of You reveals Fred Rogers as a person who deserves a place among history’s greatest people. It chronicles male friendship at its finest and most powerful. And it is a book that has already brought hope and inspiration to many thousands of its readers. With this second edition, including a new afterword by the author, the inspiration continues.
Tim Madigan wrote his first book in 1968 when he was 11 years old. Every week in the autumn of that year, he scribbled down his account of the latest University of Minnesota football game in a notebook. (Sales were modest.)
But a love of books, words and writing never left released him, leading from his small-town Minnesota upbringing to a career writing newspaper stories and eventually books that were more formally published and found slightly larger audiences.
When not writing books or newspaper stories, Tim enjoys spending time with his wife, Catherine, being a dad, playing the guitar, coaching and playing ice hockey, and backpacking in the Canadian Rockies. Follow him on Facebook!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
My joy was gone.
I recently read a blog post about forgiveness that advocated gritting one's teeth and forcing oneself to JUST DO IT.
I don’t grit my teeth. In fact, it’s when I unclench my proud jaw that surrender starts.
For years, I wondered how it had vanished. I tried to figure out how to get it back.
As a Sanguine-Choleric, I can combine “fun” and “intense” to create “excitement.”
But real joy can’t be manufactured.
Real joy is a miracle, like the crocus in spring: a wondrous surprise, bursting from the earth, in sudden full bloom.
For decades, I failed to see that all my complaining+ was like pouring Roundup over my flower bed. And then wondering why no flower bloomed.
Now, I’m finding that forgiveness–loads of forgiveness!–creates the fertile soil from which joy grows.
Forgiveness 101
I asked my friends on Facebook, "What do you DO when you know you need to forgive but 'can't'?" Here's some of their shared wisdom:
- Keep saying it until it sticks and I mean it. Say it out loud!
- Jewish tradition asks us always to try to rise above anger and to help dissolve it by believing in the beauty of the world that God has created and the people in it as an act of faith, even when it takes all the power of our imagination.
- Get on my knees and pray that the object of my resentment will receive all the blessings he or she needs and then some. For at least a week.
- I ask myself "will this matter when I die?" The answer is usually no. It's easier for me to let it go after realizing that.
- To truly forgive involves letting go of the feeling of resentment and of the vision that underlies that feeling -- the vision of self-as-victim….If we have been injured, we no longer experience the injury as a barrier to relationship. Instead, we see the injury in the perspective of our own imperfection: How can we expect anyone else to be perfect if we ourselves are imperfect?
- The gift of forgiveness is for the forgiver not the one forgiven. There's no such thing as can't, only won't. Trust me, I do know and understand. Holding a grudge is like pressing a cancerous breast to your chest and declaring, "It's mine! I deserve it! I refuse to let it go."
- When something completely changes the course of your life, or perpetrates ongoing harm to an innocent party forgiveness is a process not a one time event. Anger, resentment, hurt, loss - all kind of emotions need to be worked through, and may arise again without notice. Forgiving over, and over and over again (the whole 70 x 7 enchilada) could certainly apply through the ongoing events caused by one poor decision.
- Forgiveness begins with the Holy Spirit impressing the need upon you. But then, a choice must be made. For me it was: just do it. After choosing to forgive, you must forgive over and over again, whenever a negative thought re-enters the mind. Kind of like breaking a bad habit. The synapses in the brain must be retrained. Or to use another metaphor, forgiveness is a long journey but well worth the trip, at least in my case.
- No such thing as 'can't forgive'. There is only will, or will not forgive. When forgiveness is difficult, I find that I am in danger of doing something for which I will need forgiveness.
- Feelings get in the way of forgiveness. It is good to remember that the act of forgiving is all about clearing our own obstacles.
- Go to Jesus who will give you the desire / willingness to Forgive! I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
- Pray to be willing to be made willing to be made willing...as many times as it takes
- Leave it to God to help me understand the pain so I can forgive. Although it doesn't mean I need to continue a relationship when I have forgiven. Boundaries and my emotional / mental health is important as well.
- Pray!!! Lots and lots of prayer!
Relaxing My Grip
I recently read a blog post about forgiveness that advocated gritting one's teeth and forcing oneself to JUST DO IT.
This approach is dangerous for me. I have a long, destructive history of “succeeding” at “forcing” myself to do “right” behaviors...and promptly becoming entrenched in pride and self-satisfaction because I have done such a difficult thing all on my own power.
What I “just do” in the forgiveness process is relax my death grip on the story I’m telling myself. On the grudge I’m holding. On my need to be right. On my perception of myself as the victim. On my “shoulds” and “musts.” On my accusations and contempt.
My brother left me this wonderful quote: “Forgiveness is giving up any chance of a happier past.”
In this sense, forgiveness is a grief process; it’s mourning past I thought I was supposed to have.
And forgiveness is a rebirth process, inviting joy to flourish in the present.
(Can't see the image? Click here to download Psalm 30:5!)
Try this today: Continuing with the one obstacle to contentment you're wrestling with (from Days 28 and 29), prayerfully consider/journal the role of forgiveness. Does this obstacle involve another person whom you need to forgive? Does it involve forgiving yourself? How might letting go of the past you'll never have allow joy to flourish in your present?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Please leave a comment
- responding to today’s blog, and/or
- sharing your Day #1-30 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
- about anything else on your heart!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(Catch up on any "Warm-Up Week" Blog Posts!)