I’m new to healthy grief.
Most of my life, I’ve stuffed. Isolated. Self-destructed.
But this loss has been an open discussion from the start.
- The phone call on Christmas Eve.
- On-going text messages.
- Facebook prayers, videos, hopes...then sorrows and memories.
On Monday, the wife of my colleague who died on New Year’s Eve, shared her heart as we gathered in the library for our first staff worship without Jon. And then she shared again with all of us, staff and students, in chapel.
We didn’t get the miracle we prayed for. But there were so many miracles; the handprints of God were everywhere, amidst the shock and sorrow.
My husband--who took piano lessons from Jon’s mother, pastored with his brother, and worked closely with Jon at school and church over the last seven years--summed it up this way:
“I’m made up of so many loose threads that have no place to go, now.”
Jon connected to so many in such vital ways, we feel like the tapestry of our lives has ripped beyond mending.
“Tie a knot.”
God spoke this to Daniel during his Tuesday jog.
“I will continue weaving. For now, tie a knot.”
And hold on
- to the memories.
- to each other.
- to Hope.
1. Jessica Heights’s “The One Thing We Must Never Do to Each Other”: I can’t cherish others if I judge them. I want to listen and learn to cherish others as Jesus did when he hung out with people.
2. Mary Carver, blogging at (in)Courage in “Worshiping Like a Child”: I know that everyone is called to worship in her own way. As one who “goes into my head” oh-so-easily, physically responding to worship is one of the best ways for me to receive God’s love and delight and own that I truly am cherished.
3. Rachelle Gardner’s “Don’t Feed Your Discontent”: The PURSE-onality Challenge in May ’12 was based on the concept that what I focus on expands. One value I’m already finding of My One Word is that it gives me a single focus that I can return to when I find my thoughts drifting toward “baditude.”
4. Heather Kopp’s “I’m Scared”: As one who vividly remembers her last piano recital -- the one in which I started the piece over not once, not twice, but three times before I got up, left the house, and walked home. Back in May ’12, when I performed my first monologue, I would have fainted without my script on the music stand. I SO understand performance anxiety!
5. Journey to Surrender’s “Dress for Success: Put on Kindness”: This is such a practical piece for me this week...month...year! I can not help Daniel with any of the big projects he’s taken on. I can not help him process his grief, as we handle emotions so differently. But I can actively cherish him with small acts of kindness.
6. Renee Swope blogging at Proverbs 31 Ministries in “When You Don’t Have it In You”: I didn’t have it in me to face my students on Monday. But God went before me and sent counselors who were ready to come talk with my students. Such a great reminder that it’s not about what I have in me but Who.
7. Adelle Gabrielson “Life Isn’t Fair and Never Will Be”: Such a great reminder that protecting our children from the unfairness of life is one of the worst disservices we can do. Teaching them that disappointment is part of life is one way to cherish our children...even if they won’t thank us for at least a couple of decades (if ever!)
8. Whimsy Smitten’s “When I Was Held Hostage on Gunmetal and Grace”: A beautiful, gritty piece on fear and freedom.
9. Kathi Lipp’s “Create a Love Kit for You and Your Man”: SO grateful for a friend who knows I need to be reminded waaaaay early!
10. Seth Godin’s “The Cost of Neutral”: I have to admit that this one has me unsettled. Reading this, I hear, “Cherish or quit.” I’m hearing God invite me to a silence and solitude retreat...
Your Turn:
- What blog posts have you read this week that you especially enjoyed?
- What topics tend to grab your interest?
- Anything else on your heart!
Coming in January!
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