"When we realize there are no easy solutions to real living, we try to anesthetize ourselves. We try to fashion a life with the least amount of pain....
Some of us organize ourselves into corners and negotiate impossible to-do lists. [Or] we try to control people, placing high hurdles in their paths and holding them to standards they can never attain. [Or] we try to perfect ourselves, thinking that if we can patch ourselves up with self-improvement books and breathing exercises we will lessen the pain of real living."
Some of us organize ourselves into corners and negotiate impossible to-do lists. [Or] we try to control people, placing high hurdles in their paths and holding them to standards they can never attain. [Or] we try to perfect ourselves, thinking that if we can patch ourselves up with self-improvement books and breathing exercises we will lessen the pain of real living."
Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes
I Long to be All New and Improved
At a women’s retreat last year, I spent prayerful time journaling in response to the question:
What “fig leaves” do I hide behind?
At the top of my list were “starting” and “joining.” New projects. New businesses. New groups. New causes.
Why do I love starting and joining?
Each time is a a chance at a “new me”! A whole new I.D.
Oh, how I’ve always longed for a fresh start! To be brand new and squeaky clean. So I’ve jumped at every chance for do-it-myself re-NEW-al.
Of course, D.I.Y. has never worked. God says, “I will make all things new!” He will renew me. I can not renew me. I. AM. NOT. GOD.
“Self-Help” is a Joke (With No Punch Line)
I was reminded of this when a student asked me, as I was opening a box from Amazon and delighting in my latest self-help book, “Mrs. G, why do you read so many of those kinds of books?”
Glibly, I quipped, “Well, I just have so much room for growth!”
But later, in moments of quiet reflection, I had to admit that even my beloved books are, far too often, “fig leaves” behind which I hide.
Trying to minimize my sin.
Trying to be “good enough” by my own efforts.
Trying to Do It [all by] Myself.
Unpacking questions #5 and #6 today:
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| These questions can be reflective: "Why did I do that then?"and speculative: "Why will I do what when?" |
5) Why am I doing THIS now?
This is an priority question. Of all the things I could be doing, is this the best use of my time and energy?
I have hundreds of interests, and I love starting new things. So "whatever thy hand findeth to do" is a dangerous concept, because my hands find many things to do!
Recently, Daniel and I agreed to spend the evening hours hanging out together. Then I started catching up on Facebook and laughing at all the funny photos my friends have posted. I kept 5-more-minuting my husband until I finally stopped and asked, "Why am I doing this now?"
I had a wonderful date just waiting to happen yet I was frittering my time on Facebook? Time to re-prioritize, pronto!
This week, I'm teaching my students the four time quadrants from Steven Covey's book First Things First. I want them practice responding to God's call on their lives, not keep getting stuck in Deception and Waste!
And, truth be told, if I'm going to be an authentic teacher, I need to spend a week tracking my time in 15-minute intervals to see what "this"es are really getting my attention.
And, truth be told, if I'm going to be an authentic teacher, I need to spend a week tracking my time in 15-minute intervals to see what "this"es are really getting my attention.
6) Why am I doing this NOW?
This is a timing question. Is now the best time for me to focus on "this" or could/should it wait?
Back in January, I excitedly dove into writing a book proposal. I was overwhelmed with urgency because a window of opportunity had finally opened: an agent I'd love to attract was suddenly accepting new queries.
But several hours in, I had to ask, "Why am I doing this now?...When I need to be finishing my grading? Revising my retreat talks? exercising? lesson planning? napping?"
I hit "Save" and calendared the book proposal for June. It was a "this" I was called to do, just not now [in January.] Once June rolled around, I pulled up the file, and the evidence of God's timing started showing up all over the place! We're almost done with a proposal that absolutely could not have come together prior to June.
We love new ideas.
New ideas give us something "all new" to organize, control, and perfect. We get to escape all the disappointments of past projects that failed and throw myself into the blissful new one.
But we need to recognize this "starting"/"joining" drive for the pain-avoidance tactic that it is.
We need to ask God for guidance with each "this" and every "now" in our lives.
And be ready to do what and when He leads.
Your Turn:
- Do you struggle more with priority ("this") or timing ("now") issues?
- What might be different in your life if you asked God regularly if "this" is what He wants you to do "now"?
- Anything else on your heart!
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