August 1-14, I'll be blogging as I read through Emily Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl. Each week, I'll give away a free copy of her book! Enter via the Rafflecopter here.
(I've just gotten home from a week of travel; I'll catch up with comments and e-mails over the next few days!)
There could be a fear of intimacy, because people who get too close might see things she wishes weren’t there. Hiding behind that good-looking mask, her arms are folded too tightly to give and receive grace…”
Reputation Isn't an Issue
I almost skipped Chapter 3, which is about hiding behind a good reputation. In fact, I skimmed it quickly–just to confirm that nothing in it really applied to me!–and almost made it through to the end.
Until I hit the contrasting definitions of character and reputation:
“Character refers to who you are. Reputation refers to who people think you are. I generally care more about who people think I am than who I really am….”
Oh boy: so. do. I.
Reputation Is an Issue
So I went back and re-read the entire chapter with a (somewhat) open heart and mind.
And I did I ever feel convicted as I read the words “little room for correction…”
If you’ve seen my “The PERFECT(ionism) Crime” monologue, you know that my driving life goal has been to avoid criticism.
Any and all criticism: real or imagined, deserved or unjust, gentle or cruel.
Reputation is a HUGE Issue
1) If you love me, you will not criticize me in any way, shape or form.
2) If you criticize me, you do not love me.
3) Criticism includes (but is not limited to):
- asking why I’ve done what I’d done
- questioning why I’ve done things the way I’ve done them
- re-doing something I’ve already done
- moving something I’ve set down
- suggesting changes / improvements
- looking confused
- looking away
- shaking head
- rolling eyes
- contradicting
- interrupting
- tsk-tsking
- scowling
- frowning
- gasping
- sighing
- breathing (just kidding! sorta…)
By my own rules, I’ve lived under relentless criticism. I’ve simultaneously feared it above all else, exhausted myself trying to escape it, and guaranteed its 24/7 presence.
Reputation Protection or Character Growth?
Reading through Proverbs last month, I had some serious wake-up calls! Chapter 15, alone, was full of twitch moments such as:
- "He who hates correction will die." (Pr. 15:10b)
- "A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise." (Pr. 15:12)
- "He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding." (Pr. 15:32)
Because I’ve “cared more about who people think I am than who I really am,” I’ve swung wildly between lashing out in defensiveness and crumbling from criticism.
I’ve “been my own compass."
But I long to have "a softened heart to the leading of God as he speaks through his Word, friends, and family members.”
As my definition of criticism is shrinking, my willingness to hear and apply wise, loving, Godly correction is growing.
How fitting that “my” 2012 verse is Ezekiel 36:26
And I will give you a new heart,
and I will put a new spirit in you.
I will take out your stony, stubborn heart
and give you a tender, responsive heart.
Your Turn!
- How do you respond to "correction"?
- What might need to be pared away from your definition of "criticism"?
- In what ways do you care more about who people think you are than who you really are?